The New Order of Espada
by Aceidia
Summary: After Aizen died in Karakura, Tia Harribel took the throne of Hueco Mundo and a new era began for the surviving Espadas. Despite being free, many difficulties lay ahead for them. Soul Society wishes to gain control of the now isolated world and the Hollows within are displeased with the monarchy; and with three openings in the legion of the Espada, the world may be torn apart.
1. A New Beginning

_The Second Part of Espadas Undercover. Please read that story before continuing with this one. Thank you._

_**The wonderful Cover Art of this story is by Petitpotato of Deviantart and used with permission. Thank you for your art!**  
_

* * *

Nnoitra gently knocked on the door of Szayel's lab in the depths of his large palace. It was four in the morning, he couldn't still be working…"Hey, Szayel."  
No answer.

Maybe he's in the lab shower, cleaning up from the most recent explosion…But, I would hear the water running and… I haven't seen him all day.

He knocked again, louder this time. "Szayel! You in there? Geez…" He reached in his pocket and pulled out a long sliver key. Anyone could have opened the door, but they would have been hit my the security system.

Nnoitra unlocked the door and stepped inside Szayel's lab that smelled sulfur and many other chemicals. "Hey, I'm sorry for…" His voice trailed off as his eye laid itself on a figure hunched over one of the many tables. "Szayel? You okay?!" He quickly made his way over to the table.

Hopefully he hadn't been blown into pieces or his skin melted off his face or-

A loud snore echoed in the silent lab.

Nnoitra's heart started again. "Oh… Damn it! Why did you scare me like that, you-"

Another snore was heard.

"Geez…" Nnoitra rolled his eye and gently stood a sleeping Szayel on his feet. "We have to get you to your bed…granted, I'm not gonna risk waking up to your panicking… so, I think I will stay in my own room…is that a good idea?"

He took Szayel's drooping head and made it nod.

"Good. And off we go…" Nnoitra picked him up and left the lab after flicking off the power. He walked down the hallway and was greeted by Aaroneiro who was checking Szayel's study. His palace was so large that it took two of them to look everywhere.

"Glad you found him!" Kaien Shiba's face grinned as he saw what Nnoitra had in his arms. "Just in time for bed too. Not that we have a bedtime, but we have to get up early tomorrow."

"Yeah… I would hate to have not of found him and had him be cranky all day tomorrow."

"It would be bad to have to tattoo a cranky Szayel… now that I think of it."

Wait! Aaroniero cried,"Tattoo?! AHHH! NEEDLES!"

Nnoitra back away before he was tackled by a panicking Espada. "Oye! Calm the hell down! It doesn't hurt at all!"

"BUT NEEDLES! AHHHH! I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM AND I HATE YOU! WHAAAA! I HATE THE WORLD!"

"Shut up! Or you're gonna wake Szayel!"

"GIVE ME NOVACAINE! PAIN! NEEDLES! AHHH! I HATE THEM! AHHH!"

"Oh… my experiment….Wha…"

"See?! You woke him up, Aaroniero!"

"WHAAAA! I DON'T WANNA TATTOO! I WANNA STICKER! A WATERPROOF STICKER! AHHHH! WAHHHHAAA! ONE THAT'S PRETTY AND PURPLE AND-"

A foot smashed into his head. Sending Aaroniero flying into the wall behind him. "Damn it!" Nnoitra grouched, annoyed that he had the nerve to wake Szayel up. "Can't you shut up for once?!"

"Ugh… No… ta… too…" Aaroniero muttered in a daze. "I….hat…nee…del…s…"

"What is…." Szayel opened his eyes to find himself staring up at Nnoitra. "What is… going on?"

"Nothin'. You should go back to sleep…. I checked everything in the lab and it's all fine."

"Good…" Nnoitra watched his eyes slowly close and his head droop backwards. "Yeah, really sleepy we are."

"Ow…" Aaroniero realized he was actually injured. "pain…"

"Get up Fishtank and shut up, finally." Nnoitra huffed and walked past the heap on the floor. "Tattoos aren't a big deal. Besides, chicks dig a guy with tats."

He heard both voices gasp in unison.

"What?…really?!"

"Yeah. It's really hot. All chicks love a bad-ass man. And all bad-ass men have tattoos."

"…WOW! I WANNA TATTOO RIGHT NOW! TIA! I CAN'T WAIT ALL NIGHT! AHHH!"

"Aaroneiro," Nnoitra had to admit he was smarter than most gave him credit for. "Calm down. You just got your other tattoo removed ten days ago."

"BUT I WANT ONE NOW! I CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL THE HOT CHICKS TO SEE MY KICK-ASS TATTOO!"

Nnoitra sighed and continued his way down the green hallways to Szayel's room. Aaroniero could think what ever he wanted, when he wanted.

_To think I don't have a tattoo anymore, is kind of weird… but hell, I'll get a large '2' that will look awesome._

He opened the door and slipped inside where he found Szayel's white clothes all over the room as if his dresser exploded. Along with books and notes all strewn across the floor. Must have been hit by some a stroke of genius….Yeah… Nnoitra's suspicions were confirmed when he saw all the blankets of Szayel's large bed all over the floor and a mass of paper scraps with scrambled writing scattered across the sheets.

"Geez… can't you ever just write things down in a notebook for once?" He asked, glancing down at Szayel who was once again fast asleep in his arms. "Yea, I know you try…. But next time, don't almost poke my other eye out with your pen. Anyhow… You've gotta lay down…Don't fall asleep in the lab again…" He gently set Szayel on the bed and proceeded to collect the mountains of paper and set them all in a neat stack on the nightstand. "Hell, you're more messy than I am…. I don't understand it…"

Nnoitra smiled a little as he head yet another tiny snore.

"Damn. You're so tired… Usually, you would insist on cleaning up… but… Whatev…" Once he finished removing all the papers from the bed, he moved Szayel to the right side of the bed and began to put the covers over him. "You know I'm not gonna stick around for you to hit me in the face on accident, you know that? Cool…"

When Szayel woke up in a panic, someone was liable to get hurt. And Nnoitra knew all to well, most of the time it was him who got whacked in the face. It was purely accidental, but man, did it hurt.

"Now stay asleep…" Nnoitra put the last blanket over Szayel who was now under a good three layers and after a moments thought, Nnoitra bent down and gently kissed Szayel on the face. "And your alarm is broken…" He reached over to the nightstand and turned the alarm off. "'Cause you need to stop working so hard and need to get some sleep already…"

Nnoitra crept of Szayel's room and turned off the lights as he went.

Hopefully he would sleep for a good two days and wake up refreshed.

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Author's Note: Hello once again everyone. Glad to see you here for the second half of the story. The first chapter is always a little rough, but the story is going to pick up quickly here and get better. Please review and I will have a picture for the cover soon enough. (Still have to hear back from the artist on Deviantart.) This story will be a little more darker-toned, but still a comedy. So it may be a bit serious, but I promise you will still get as much laughter from this second half.

_**The wonderful Cover Art of this story is by Petitpotato of Deviantart and used with permission. Thank you for your art!** _

_**And Dear Readers, if you like the art, please leave a comment on Petitpotato DeviantArt Page. Thanks. **_


	2. A New and Tasty Mission

_Hey Nnoitra, do you think we should wake him up?_

_Yeah. We have to, Aaroneiro…_

_But he won't be very happy if we do…_

_True… but I hardly doubt that he'll object to waking with a kiss. _

_Ew! I am not kissing him!_

_You don't get to, Fishtank!_

_Awesome…._

"Nnoitra…" Szayel held up a hand before he bent down. "don't kiss me while I'm half asleep will you?"

"…Why not?"

"I don't want to be startled, okay?" Szayel cracked an amber eye open to see Aaroniero and Nnoitra standing by his bed as he expected. "Not today. What do you two want?"

"It's tattoo day!" Aaroneiro cried gleefully.

"…Great." He yawned and buried his head in the pillow, not wanting to leave the warm covers of his bed yet. "Aren't you scared of needles, Aaroniero?"

"Not anymore! 'Cause chicks love dudes with tats!"

Szayel rolled his eyes before they focused on Nnoitra who was wearing a large grin. "You told him this, didn't you?"

"Yeah? So?"

"What ever. Do I have to get up right now? Or can I take a few extra minutes?"

"Uh…" Aaroniero glanced at his watch gold wrist watch. "Um… Tia wants us to report to the tattoo room in ten. We gave you long enough the sleep in."

"And I assume that you took care of my lab last night?"

"As always…" Nnoita sat down on the bed next to him. "Just next time don't collapse over a table like a dead man and make me worried!"

"Sorry." Szayel hardly remembered falling asleep. "I will try not to next time. Now, Aaroneiro, if you would not mind leaving so I can get ready for the day…thank you. See you in five."

After he was gone, Szayel turned his attention to Nnoitra. "Do I really have to get up?"

"Kinda. I don't think Tia wants to have make an appointment for all of us."

"But this bed is so comfy! And it's cold outside!"

"Szayel," Nnoitra laughed, glancing out the window at the dark sky of Heuco Mundo. "If You haven't noticed, its always cold outside here."

"But we're in a desert! It is supposed to hot! It makes no sense!" Szayel threw the covers over his head. "And I don't want to get up!"

"You have to get up. Or Tia is going to be mad at you and-"

"I don't care!' Szayel cried, crossing his arms. He had been up working for three days in a row. He deserved sleep. "I don't want to- HEY! Put. Me. Down!"

Nnoitra snickered and carried him past his wardrobe and headed for the door in to the living room. "Glad you are up."

"That's not fair!" Szayel protested, ignoring the fact he was wearing clothes already. Having been tucked in with them on a day ago. "You put me down right now, Nnoitra Gilga!"

"Fat chance…" He opened the main door of Szayel's living quarters and headed down the hallway towards the main entrance to the palace. "'Cause I know you will go back to bed if I put you down."

"Hey! Nnoitra! I'm still in my-" Szayel was about to say Pajamas, but he suddenly noted that he was wearing clothes. "Hey…this is not fair at all!"

Nnoitra threw open the front door and stepped out into the sand of Heuco Mundo; Szayel still draped over his shoulder. It was faster to use sindo outside the large compound than to walk through the twisting corridors.

"I'm sorry, but we've got to get to the tattoo room before-"

A scream echoed across the dark world.

"Before that…" Nnoitra winced, wishing he had earmuffs.

"Yeah, yeah… I'm next in line…" Szayel muttered. "You know, telling Fishtank that girls like tattoos only gets one so far…He's out cold by now…"

"Yep…"

"And, can you put me down please? Being carried over your bony shoulder isn't making me feel very good."

"Not a chance. You'll just flit back to bed."

"Aw….come on…" Szayel begged, just wanting to go sleep and not be the next victim of Tia's tattoo handy work. "I'm so-"

The world melted away as Nnoitra took a step forwards.

"You know-" Szayel was about to speak when he took another step, sending them moving though space. "I really don't- Like this- because- all you are doing is- ugh…making me feel-"

The world stopped moving.

"Sick."

"And we are here!" Nnoitra opened a side door leading into the a white hallway and marched inside.

"Can you put me down?" Szayel whispered, not liking this method to travel. Being carried over the shoulder was bad enough, but the use of Sindo and being carried over the shoulder was not a combination.

A second later, Szayel was standing on his feet and he nearly fell over. "Thanks…not. But… thanks anyhow…."

Nnoitra grabbed his arm and grabbed him across the hallway to a room labeled, Tattoo Room - Stay out…On the door was a long list of names. All of which were not allowed to enter on their own. Mostly people who would mess around and break thing. (Yes, I am looking at you. Yeah. You, Yylfordt.)

Inside was not a unusual site. Aaroneiro's body was out cold in the chair and Tia was tattooing one of heads from the glass jar. Both of which were silent.

Grimmjow was sitting in the corner, waiting for his turn along with Ulquiorra who had brought a deck of cards. So the two were now in a heated game of high stake five-card draw.

"I captured a sleepy butterfly." Nnoitra announced as he walked in with Szayel in his grip. "He wanted to flit back to bed, but I made him get up."

"Great…" Tia murmured, her attention focused on the '5' she was putting on Aaroneiro's face. "Be with you in a while, Szayel…"

"Good. Then I can go back to bed for I won't be able to walk afterwards." Szayel fixed his glasses and as he got a clear image of the world, he froze. "What… what is he doing here?"

"Him?" Tia nodded towards Yumichika who was sitting quietly in the corner opposite of Grimmjow, watching."I needed to talk with him as I do all of you."

"Great… another adventure?" Szayel asked, not wanting to leave home so soon.

"Yes." Came the unwanted reply. "It is a mission that cannot wait until we secure a treaty with Soul Society."

"Wonderful." He made his way over to the farthest chair way from the Soul Reaper and sat down. "So…You're here to witness the insanity that happens in this room?"

"Have no choice." Yumichika replied. He was thankful he was not an Espada. He would never want a tattoo to destroy his beautiful skin. "Lady Tia ordered me to accompany her."

Szayel gave Tia a look._ Why?_

_I wanted to keep him at my side at all times for security reasons for the time being. _Her eyes said back.

_That makes sense… what happened to Ciricci?_

_Yylfordt. Damn distraction._

_All too true._

"And there…" Tia set the tattoo gun back in the holder and examined her handy work on Aaroneiro's second head. "That looks good, no?"

"Looks better than nine." Grimmjow noted, actually impressed by her skill.

"Thank you, Grimmjow dear…" She opened the small window on the top of Aaroneiro's glass jar that was, to this day a mystery to all, and put the two little Gillians back where they belonged. "Szayel, you're next. And if you laugh, I'm going to stop and you will have a half finished four on your leg. Unless, you want it somewhere else. Like your face or something."

"Nope. I like having it where it cannot be seen." He said, walking over to the chair. "That way, I keep people guessing."

"Yeah, all the pervs like Grimmjow." Nnoitra snorted, amused by where he thought Szayel's tattoo was initially.

"Leg it is." Tia smiled, pleased that Grimmjow liked her work on Aaroneiro. "Give me something to work with, please?"

"Yes, yes…" Szayel removed the outer skirt of his white clothes to reveal pants underneath. "Take this… and…" He rolled up the left leg to reveal his inner thigh where an '8' used to be. "Ta-da." He made sure the pants would stay rolled up and sat down in the chair. "I will try my best not to laugh."

"Okay…" Tia wasn't sure if she would even be able to begin as Szayel was now wearing a wide crazy grin. "Or I will gag you."

The smile disappeared.

"But on the other hand, " Tia picked up the gun and began her work without a hitch, "Unlike Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, I don't have a hollow hole to work around. Which is nice."

"I know." Szayel tapped his foot, trying to take his mind off fact he was being inscribed with ink. And the fact that he felt a laugh creeping up on him. "It is…"

"Speaking of…" Grimmjow began, a question coming to mind; ignoring Nnoitra's frantic hand signals. (_Grimmjow, I would not go there if I were you!_) "Where is your hollow hole?"

Szayel looked up at the ceiling. "And why do you ask?"

"Just curious I guess?"

"Then you can stay curious."

"All right…" Grimmjow sighed and turned back to his card game. "How many do you want?"

Ulquiorra glanced at his hand, thinking. "Two."

"Great. Crappy hand?"

"Yeah."

A good hour later, Tia was finished with Szayel who only laughed a little and glanced at her next victim. "Grimmjow..."

"Awesome. But, this time. Don't make me laugh!" Grimmjow ordered as he handed his hand to Nnoitra who gladly took over. When he had his '6' put on years ago, Tia came in to the room and told him so many jokes, it ended up a little messy.

"Of course not." Tia replied and began her art after Grimmjow took his shirt off and laid down on the chair that folded out to a table."I would never dream of doing such a thing to you."

"Hey!" Grimmow cut in, feeling snicker creep out of him. "I thought you said you wouldn't make me laugh!"

"It is not my fault you cannot hold in a snicker when I say something remotely funny." Tia scolded, wishing he'd just stay still and stop breathing for goodness sakes. "It is so hard to tattoo someone who takes such deep breaths. Hold it."

"But-"

"Grimmjow, hold your breath until I say so." She ordered and a moment later, he did so. Which actually helped; although a good half an hour later, he passed out and started again. At that time, Tia finally finished all of the curves in the number three, so it was not so much of a danger if he moved a little.

"And now…" Tia sighed and put her hand on her forehead an hour and a half later. Hoping that she would have digits left after this next job. "It's your turn, Nnoitra….and if you drool all over me or bite my fingers off, you are going to end up with a bar code in your mouth instead."

"Yeah, yeah…" Nnoitra finished the hand and sat down in the chair. Pleased that he had won a good thousand off Mr. Gloomy in such a small time frame. "I won't bite you-"

A hand shoved a tiny wooden block in between his teeth.

"Problem solved." Szayel muttered as he limped by to his seat next to Aaroniero who now was trying to rub his canned heads in pain. "And if you need me to take over, Tia just call."

"I won't hesitate." Tia sighed heavily and began the world's weirdest new tattoo job. Thankfully, Nnoitra hardly flinched and the job was over very quickly and all eyes turned to Ulquiorra who was playing solitaire now; feeling horribly broke.

"…Fine." Was all that was said And Ulquiorra sat down in the chair silently and took off his shirt. "Get tattooing, trash."

Tia stifled a gasp.

How dare he call her trash! She was his superior!

After a moments thought, Tia grinned and went to work. Tattooing a '1' on Ulquiorra's chest followed by a tattoo around his hollow hole in his neck. "I realized last night that we need…Yumichika, are you listening?"

"Huh?" He looked up from the mirror he stole from Nnoitra who was looming over him now. "What?"

"I have a task as I said earlier that we need your help with."

"Right. Not. I'm a Soul Reaper." Yumichika turned his nose up in the air.

Tia narrowed her eyes, "Yes, You will help. Or I will eat you."

"Okay! I'll help you!" He cried, deciding yet again he didn't like to be here at all. A few hours before, he thought it might not be so bad as everyone didn't seem to pay attention to him. "I will! What do you need?!"

"I need your sword." Tia starting with the L.

"NO!" Yumichika was not going to hand over a part of his soul to some Hollow. "Nev-Okay! It's all yours!"

"Thank you." Tia smiled under her mask, "We need it to properly assassinate Yammy Lagero."

"And…." Nnoitra was suspicious already. "Who are you sending to do this…job?"

"You, Szayel and Aaroneiro."

"Shit. When do we leave? We just got back about a week ago or something insane."

"Tomorrow. And you will be heading to Los Angeles in the United States of America. This is not to be a long excursion, it is a pure assassination mission. I cannot have the Null Espada on the loose who could return and remove me from my throne. My orders are as follows: Leave discreetly and return so with in two weeks. Rations will be sent with you and so will your Fraccion."

"Fraccion…?" Szayel wasn't sure if Tia knew his or not. "I think I will opt to leave Verona and crew at home."

"Very well then, you can do as you wish, Szayel. Nnoitra, I will be sending Telsa with you and… Aaroniero, you may pick a Fraccion later today out of the unassigned hollows."

"YAY! I get a Fraccion!"

Szayel and Nnoitra shared a look. Why did he have to pick someone they didn't know? Or worse, someone they knew. And hated.

"And farther more, I will be sending Yumichika's sword with you three to use to eliminate Yammy."

"Uh…" Nnoitra was not sure if Tia was the one who had a hole in her head,/"But… That's a really dangerous thing to give us… We're hollows, you know?"

"Yes. I know. That is why, you must be careful with it and I will be giving it to Telsa to hold on to. He being the most sensible and sane of all of you."

"Hey!" Aaroneiro cried, offended. "I'm hardly like them at all!"

"More than you think…" Tia muttered, starting on the Y. "And I need you to kill Yammy quietly and without a fight. We do not need Soul Society or the Human World getting wind of it."

"So, we just make him disappear?" Aaroniero asked, liking the look of horror on Yumichika's face as he listened to their plan.

"Precisely."

"And…" Szayel hated to think of this, but lately, only one thing was on his mind. "If we kill him… can we… "

Tia nodded. "You may eat him."

"YES!" Szayel, Aaroniero and Nnoitra shared a high-five. "Awesome!"

"Dinner here I come!"Szayel cried, too happy for words besides those.

"And I bet, " Arroniero added, "We'll all evolve 'cause Yammy is the strongest …right now."

"Yeah, right now.. Wait till he gets a Soul Reaper's sword to the face!

"Heh, Nnoitra. I love the way you talk." Szayel squealed, blushing a little.

"Thanks."

"And I, Aaroneiro Arruruerie call the arms!"

Nnoitra and Szayel shared a look from across the room. Who would want to eat Yammy's sweaty arms? "They are all yours, Fishtank!"

* * *

Author's note: and so, to Hollywood we go. And I cannot wait to see who Aaroneiro picks for a Fraccion. (No, not you Yylfordt. Hopefully.) and Telsa coming along! Yay! I've wanted to write Telsa for while now!

Also, the line that Nnoitra thinks, 'Grimmjow, I would not go there if I were you!' comes from the movie Johnny English. Awesome movie, you should watch it sometime.

Now for the New Numbers to keep in mind. I forgot to put them with this chapter for some reason. But as follows is:

(If Yammy is gone. Which is what they are hoping for.)

Tia Harribel: 0

Ulquiorra: 1

Nnoitra: 2

Grimmjow: 3

Szayel: 4

Aaroneiro: 5 ( Wow! Hehe.)


	3. He Has A Mustache

"AHHH!" Aaroneiro screamed later that day. "I DON'T KNOW WHO PICK! HEEELPP!"

"Ugh…." Szayel was glad he brought earmuffs with him to the throne room where Tia arranged for all of the unassigned Numeros to line up to be considered for Aaroneiro's fraccion. "My ears…"

"There are so few left!" Aaroneiro was so disappointed in the turn out. All, if many of deceased Espadas were gone along with their Fraccions, so he had less than ten to choose from. He turned to Szayel who was the only Espada to join him in the throne room. Nnoitra and the others had duties and so, he was stuck with Szayel. "I can't make a decision!"

Szayel fixed his glasses and scanned the tiny group. There was Loly Aivirrne who twisting her long black pony tails impatiently. Menoly Mallia who was Loly's constant companion who was trying to keep a smile on her face as tried to tell Loly to stay calm.

Then, there was Rudbornn Chelute who was the Janitor of Los Noches and cleaned up after all the fights that occurred with in it's walls. His face was not of a human, but of a skull with horns.

Away from the others was a group of three that Szayel could not remember ever seeing before.

He turned to Aaroniero after a moment of thought. "This is going to a task, honestly. I do not associate with Numeros and I think it would be best to-" at the moment, he saw Telsa walk past the doorway with a black suitcase in hand. "Hey! Telsa!"

Telsa Lindocruz froze and peered inside the throne room. "Um… What is it, Szayelaporro-sama? I am on my way to give this suitcase to Master Nnoitra."

"I could use your help for a moment, Telsa."

"Um, but I have to get thi-" He tried to protest.

"Don't worry…" Szayel laughed, "I will explain why you are late. Come in here and help us pick a Fraccion for Aaroneiro here. You spend all of your time with these… pawns, anyhow."

"True…" The sandy-haired Arrancar set the suitcase down. "And I mean, if you will come with me to explain.. I guess it will be okay if I come and help."

"Thank you." Szayel grinned as Telsa appeared by his side. "Take a seat."

"Yes." Telsa smiled back, happy to be helping. "And so…" He glanced at the other Numeros who was all glaring at him as he was the Fiftieth

Numeros and somehow was more privileged then them. "Who do you want to know about?"

"The people I don't know about." Szayel told him, waving at Loly and Melony to leave. "They are such pests…. Or so I hear from Grimmjow. Fishtank, you need someone who will respect you and obey your every order. And, when you get lost and hungry, let you eat them."

"Yes. That is true." Aaroneiro agreed, pointing to a small Arrancar with boyish face and red hair that was half covered by a jaw of a hollow mask. "Who is that, Telsa?'

"Him?" Telsa narrowed his eyes. "That's Menis. No last name. He's annoying at most. Used to smash my face into the wall every time we crossed paths, but Master Nnoitra took care of him. But he has not mellowed out at all."

"All right…" Aaroneiro pointed to the tall man standing next to Menis who had blue hair and a mustache. "Who is that?"

"Patros. Once again, no last name. He is… he has a mustache."

"And?"

Telsa looked at Aaroneiro who was sitting down the table that was set up for Fraccion Auditions. "He has a mustache."

"Okay… How about him?" Aaronerio turned his attention to a muscular man with curly brown hair and a frown on his face.

"That's Aldegor. No last time. Don't know these three survived the Menos Grande Phase, honestly. How can one separate themselves with just one name? Anyhow… He is serious."

"And?"

"And is good at cards and might be a good pick. But I don't know him that well and I think, if you choose him, you will have to take Menis and Patros too. They seem like a inseparable bunch."

"And…" Aaronerio pointed at Rudbornn Chelute who had been staring at him this whole time. "That thing."

"Oh…" Telsa forgot about him, the cleaner of Los Noches. "He'd be a good choice. Loyal and powerful."

"Awesome…" If this Janitor was all powerful, Aaroniero was a sold pair. "Now, I kinda want to see what these three can do. Just because, I need a good protector at my side. Just like you, Telsa."

The Fiftieth Espada didn't know what to say but, "Thanks."

"Welcome. So… The next group to continue in this try-"

"Audition." Szayel corrected. If Aaroniero was to call it a try-out, it would sound more like a sports team. And what Espada wanted to have a basketball team anyway? Fraccions were the underlings who tended to a Espada's every need. "Is who, Aaroneiro?"

"I kind want to see what Aldegor and Rudbor-"

"How dare you!" Menis screamed, leaping at the table in rage. "I am supposed to be-"

Aaroniero grabbed the youth's face with his hand as he came in reach. "Don't you ever." The deep-voice laughed at the young hollow who was hanging in mid-air. "Ever, try and attack me again."

Menis stared at the two heads in their stupid glass jar. "I…I deserve to be your Fraccion. I am the str-"

"How dare you say such a thing…" Aaroneiro's high voice laughed. "You deserve nothing, lowly Arrancar. I am finished with you."

Szayel watched a fountain of blood alight the air and Menis' body fall to the floor with a thud. "Next."

"Good idea." Aaroneiro sat back down and began to lick the blood off his hands. "Some Arrancars can be so…annoying."

"Well…" Telsa was not sure what to say. Aaroneiro seemed to have changed since the last time they met which was before the Espadas left for the Human World. "What do you want us to do with…" He glanced down at Menis who silent.

"What ever you wish." Aaronero muttered, turning his attention back to the other Arrancars.

"All right." Telsa sighed and glanced around the room. "And so, you want to see what Aldegor can do?"

"Yes, yes…. Come here."

Aldegor walked to the center of the throne room and bowed deeply before drawing his sword.

"Wait." Aaroneiro ordered, seeing he was about realize it. "Tell me about yourself first. Personality is important you know."

"I beg to differ…" Szayel muttered, "I think taste is far more important, don't you think Telsa?"

"…I have no idea, Szayelaporro-sama. I tend not to eat my Fraccion… because I don't have one."

"True."

"And so, tell us about yourself." Aaroneiro ordered, trying to ignore the conversation next to him.

"Well, my name is Aldegor. I am a good card player and I like to read."

"And?"

"And what?" Aldegor wasn't sure what the Espada wanted.

"Do you have any good fighting skills?"

"Yeah… but I don't really like to fight. I'm more of a lov-"

"Next!" Aaroniero screamed, pointing at the door. "_And I don't want to see your lowly face around here again!_ And take this scum with you!"

"Of course." Aldegor laughed nervously and picked up Menis and swiftly exited before he was harmed.

* * *

Author's Note: Hehe... Yeah. All of these Numeros are actual characters in the Bleach World. (Very minor parts.) But real. So, I did not invent any one at all. :) Which, makes me happy. Because, I don't really want to create any OC Arrancars that are a part of the long term story.

And yes, Nnoitra has matching luggage. (Wait for it, Spottedowl...)


	4. Aaroniero Arrurueire's Fraccion

"Well, well…" Nnoitra grinned down at Aaroniero and his new Fraccion the next day. "Someone made a good choice."

"Yes." Aaroneiro was proud to say. "We did."

"Who would ever think that of all the Numeros, you'd pick the Janitor."

"Wise, loyal and horribly good at cleaning up a mess." Aaroneiro let a grin creep on to Kaien Shiba's face. "Rudbuornn swore loyalty to me after I told him I am a tidy person. Unlike Aizen, who he at first seemed hesitant abandoning."

"Pleasure, to meet you Nnoitra Gilga." Rudbornn bowed from where he was standing behind Aaroneiro. "I have heard many a story of your strength."

"Yeah. Thanks. I know." Nnoitra turned to yell down the hall at Szayel when he appeared with two white suitcases in hand.

"I am ready to leave." He announced. Today, Szayel was wearing jeans and t-shirt over his gigai as to blend in with the human world. In his hands were two white suitcases. "I am sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting, however, I need to bring Lumina along."

"Lumina?" Nnoitra didn't see the fat lump anywhere. "Where?"

"In here." Szayel gestured to one of the suitcases. "It was such a pain to cut such small pieces. But I managed."

Rudbornn and Aaroneiro shared a look. Not wanting to be the ones to-

"Take these." Szayel ordered, shoving both of the suitcases on the underlings. "Or else."

Aaroneiro frowned and took the one with clothes in it. As he knew that the heavier case had to have clothes in in for Szayel seemed to wear a new outfit everyday. "I thought you would be nicer to me."

"I am." Szayel grinned, "I am not making you carry the case with Lumina in it."

Aaroneiro let out a long sigh.

"Hey, Sza," Nnoitra casually put his arm around his shoulders. "What happened to the first Lumina? You've made so many copies, it remains a mystery."

"The real Lumina? Oh, yes…She was a good hollow to have in my Fraccion. You never met her however… she…" Nnoitra saw Szayel's amber eyes become distant as he spoke. "She valiantly gave her life to save mine. To be honest, these Lumina are not what she actually was like. I modified her DNA and created what we have today. And then Verona was whole different hollow. How we crossed paths ages ago, I will never understand. But we did. "

"What type of hollow was she? Lumina, I mean." Aaroniero asked, not sure if he actually sensed a hint of sorrow in his voice or not.

"A Spider Hollow. She and I somehow got along and, funny enough, Yylfordt always wondered why her name was so simple. I told him that it was because, it was the name that came to mind."

"And, Verona?" Aaroneiro had to know, now that they were on this subject.

"Verona?" Szayel laughed a little as he remembered their first meeting. "He was some frustrating overprotective Cockroach Hollow."

"Now I remember…" Nnoitra muttered, "What a pain in the ass he was to fight."

"So," Aaroniero began before Szayel could say something to Nnoitra over how he killed his Fraccion. "You hung with insect hollows?"

"Of course." Came the reply. "And a butterfly is the only who can rise above all of them. So, I was their leader naturally."

"And…what of Yylfordt? What's the story there? I mean… we all know you two were actually brothers… what happened?"

"That is a story for another day." Szayel told him, hating to remember how he had to cart his stupid brother around. "It is so long that…I won't say. Or I will be breaking the hole on in the fourth wall again."

"Thanks." Nnoitra said, "'cause I don't have any duct tape on me right now."

"Wise idea." Szayel glanced around the hallway, realizing they were missing one. "Where is Telsa?"

"Ah, he's getting my luggage."

"Wonder-"

Aaroniero pinned someone to the wall with his trident, making everyone jump.

"Who was-" Szayel sighed and rolled his eyes. It was that idiot Arrancar… what ever his name was.

"Maybe…" Aaroneiro glanced at Menis who was trying to free himself from the three prongs that went right through his body and into the wall. "I should just leave him here… Like this. What do you think, Szayel? Nnoitra?"

"Little bugs deserve to be squashed." Nnoitra grouched. Annoyed that it was taking Telsa so long to come with his luggage. "So yea. Leave him there pinned to the wall. Might teach him a lesson."

"But…" Telsa saw the blood dripping down the walls as he appeared next to Nnoitra, "I don't think that Lady Tia would like to have clean up."

"So." Aaroneiro glanced behind him at Rudbornn. "He'll clean up. And you… You piece of scum… what the hell do you have to say for yourself?"

"I.. Want…" Manis choked out, "to… be… in Fraccion."

"And why?" The Fifth Espada inquired, glaring at him.

"Be…cause…I…wan..t. Pow…er."

"So do I." Aaroneiro laughed, happy to have such control over the weaklings surrounding him. "So, I may decide to eat you if you keep bothering me."

"Don't decide." Szayel said, "just eat him already!"

"Um… good idea…I like the way you think, Szayel." A cold smile crept onto Aaroniero's face and his right hand morphed to become a mass of purple tentacles. "And that way.. I would be rid of your annoyance forever…and in a way, you will be apart of me as you so wish to be by becoming my Fraccion."

"..wa…wait!" Menis cried, but it was too late. The purple tentacles began to weave themselves around his form. "Espada! I don't want to be-"  
Aaroniero smiled happily as he chewed. "Not bad tasting."

"See?" Szayel told him, "Never pass up a good meal. Who knows, it might be good."

"Or taste like poo." Nnoitra added, having tasted a few foul tasting hollows in his time. "If there is one thing I've learned is never go near the beetle hollows…"

"Yeah…" Szayel made a face as the flavor that he never forgot came to mind. "You can never tell if they are dung beetles or not."

"Gross!" Telsa screamed, almost dropping Nnoitra matching luggage on his master's toes.

"Come on Telsa," Szayel playfully slapped the smaller Arrancar upside the head. "I am sure you have eating some foul hollows, no?"

"…You're right… I never should have eaten that…snail hollow. Now, that was gross. Slime everywhere… But I was desperate."

"Speaking of which," Szayel said after he stopped laughing at the image of Telsa trying to eat a slimy snail. "What kind of Hollow are you exactly, Aaroneiro?'

"I'm a not so average Squid Hollow."

"…Makes sense and all… But how did you and Tia get along so well?"

"We didn't Szayel. She kinda rejected me, but thankfully she didn't eat me or anything… although, the fact she's a Shark makes me kinda nervous sometimes."

"Don't blame you. And now that everyone is here… Shall we leave?"

Ten minutes later, the five of them were standing outside of Los Noches, Telsa carrying Nnoitra's ten pieces of matched luggage and

Rudbornn holding Szayel's white suitcase at arms length as it began to drip violet blood onto his shoes.

"Next time…" Rudbornn whispered to Telsa as Nnoitra opened a opening in the sky. "I am not going to carry Pinky's suitcase…"

"That's a wise idea… but…" Telsa leaned in to whisper in his ear, "I don't think you should refuse… Szayelaporro-sama can become rather angry."

"I hardly care… I don't want this….goop all over my nice shoes."

"You should. He gets nasty when he's mad. Master Nnoitra will yell and scream and try the slice you up when he's mad… But, Szayelaporro-sama will slowly feast on your insides and leave you to die."

"…Eek…That is… rather…" Rudbornn stared at the dripping suitcase, "worse than carrying this."

"Good choice…" Telsa gave his new companion a grin. "Just follow my lead and everything will be okay. I know you are new to being a Fraccion…so, I will let you know when to say no and hell yes I will because I don't want to die."

"…Thanks…" At this point, Rudbornn could use all the help he could get. Before he chosen by Aaroniero, he was nothing but the janitor who no one liked. And now, he was somehow the hated hero of the Fraccion quarters.

"Oye! Telsa!" Nnoitra yelled, pointing at the opening that Szayel and Aaroneiro disappeared into. "Get the hell over here! You too, Skullface! I ain't got forever to wait! The wall is programed to be put back in place in less than a minute."

"Okay!" Telsa staggered over to the opening and walked inside, followed by Rudbornn who ran awkwardly with the suitcase in front of him.

Nnoitra grinned and once he was inside as well, shut the door with a slam.

* * *

Author's note: Sorry about the notice for the other chapter. I had trouble again with my writing program as I have so many documents for this story in one large document. I kinda love Aaroniero... Just saying again.


	5. The Talking Suitcase

"I hope that it's frickin' warm in Los Angeles." Szayel complained as he traipsed ahead of the whole group in a huff. "Because if it is cold, I am coming right back home!"

"Me too!" Nnoitra caught up to him with a few strides. "Or Telsa is going to be on hairdryer duty for the rest of time."

"He won't have to be! You'll be dead!" Szayel pointed out with a smirk.

"And how the hell do you know that, smart ass?"

"Because! Praying Mantis keel over dead in the cold. Were is I, the beautiful Butterfly will hibernate."

"…Damn you."

"Heh…." Szayel laughed, "Don't worry though… I will save you."

"How nice of you to offer." Nnoitra was suddenly in a bad mood at the idea of going somewhere cold. "Not that it would help if my heart up and stopped."

"True… But, I want you to know, I honestly might cry if you died."

"How sweet of you."

Rudbornn leaned over to Telsa who was still staggering along with Nnoitra's Luggage. "Do…Do they always fight like this?"

"Most of the time…but… Oddly enough, they seemed to have mellowed out for some reason. I mean, I don't call them the Old Married Couple for nothing."

"Old Married Couple?" Rudbornn wondered, "so… they are going out?"

Telsa almost dropped the suitcases again. "What?! Where the hell have you been? In the dark for the past eighty years?"

"I've been too busy cleaning to notice anything going on around me, honestly. The most recent being Aizen's tea parties… all of which were a horrible disasters."

"Okay. You're excused then." Telsa said to his new friend. Rudbornn was not so bad to hang out with unlike some of the other Numeros who were boastful and loud. No, Rudbornn was a quite type and Telsa could use some quite every one and while. "Okay, Rud. Here is the lowdown. Aka, the things you need to know are, those two are going out and fight quite a bit and for some reason, they seem more harmonious as of lately. Although, I would not count on it staying that way."

"And what time are we landing in anyhow?" Szayel asked Nnoitra, realizing that he forgot that there was a time difference between worlds. "Hopefully we won't run into ourselves."

"I don't think we will…" Rudbornn began, not sure if he should even speak to any of the Espadas any more without being asked. "The time difference was only caused due to Hueco Mundo being upset about having Soul Reapers inside."

Szayel and Nnoitra stopped in their tracks. Causing Telsa and Aaroneiro to almost crash into them.

"What?" Szayel gasped.

"It's alive?!" Nnoitra finished.

"Naturally." Rudbornn replied, wondering why the two did not already know this small fact. "And so, now that Lady Tia has taken the throne, it should not move around in the time. All worlds are like that you know. If we suddenly were in Soul Society, it would be unpleased and shift in the same way."

"And…The human world?" Szayel stared at the overly smart skull-faced Arrancar.

"It is a neutral zone." Rudbornn replied, glancing over his shoulder into the darkness behind him. "Any kind can live in the Human World. And Quincies can live in none as they are neither Hollow or Soul Reaper."

"…Interesting…" Szayel grinned, hearing his favorite word. "I like Quincies… All of them were quite interesting creatures…"

"Used to be… anyhow." Nnoitra noted, remembering the time that Szayel came crying to him when the last one died.

"Wait…wait…" Telsa called from the back of the parade a few minutes later. "I… I have to put this down. Can we please stop for a moment?"

Nnoitra rolled his eyes and stopped walking. "What is it Telsa?"

"Well…" He set down a large trunk that he had been balancing on top of the other cases and bags. (This was the one time he really hated having inhuman strength.) "I just have to fix this…"

Everyone winced as the trunk hit the ground with a thud.

"What the hell is in this thing anyhow?" Telsa cried, unlocking the large trunk and throwing open the lid. "What the…." He glanced at his Master who was looking up at the ceiling.

Telsa glanced at Szayel who pointed to Nnoitra.

The Numeros reached his hands into the trunk and pulled out a large hairdryer. "Master Nnoitra. I am drawing the line. If you want this hairdryer, you carry it."

"No ******* way Telsa! You carry that or else! 'Cause I can't live without it!"

Telsa sighed and looked at Szayel. "What does he use this for?"

"Drying his hair after a shower. What does it look like?"

"Well….I just don't know why he'd need an industrial hairdryer."

"Neither do I." Szayel admitted, never been sure why he needed one on the first place. "I don't use a hair dryer."

"Really?" Aaroniero gasped, shocked by this news. Szayel was known secretly as 'the Drama Queen of Los Noches' as he was so vain and flamboyant and would surely use a hairdryer. Along with make-up and other girly things. "But…But…"

Szayel sighed, knowing what Aaroniero was thinking. The rumor had gotten around to him quite quickly and he ignored it. "Fishtank… It may shock you, but, I must say that Nnoitra here is more effeminate than I."

Before a collective gasp escaped into air, Nnoitra crossed his arms and denied the fact.

"Oh, but it's true." Szayel wasn't going to miss the opportunity to many change the way people viewed him. (Or Nnoitra for that matter.) "If I may…You are the one who owns a matching bathrobe and slippers, and has so many hair products in your shower. Just saying…"

"And you're the one…" Nnoitra couldn't think of anything that no one knew already. "That has… has…"

"Just give it up already, dear." Szayel encouraged, "Just admit that you do take good care of yourself."

"All right. I do. Now can we get moving?" Nnoitra asked, displeased with the out come of this conversation. "And Telsa, pick up that hair dryer or lose your other eye, damn it."

"Yes…sir…" Telsa reached down to pick up the hairdryer when Rudbornn picked it up for him.

"Trade you the luggage for this suitcase?" Aaroneiro's Fraccion asked, desperation in his voice. "It talks… I think… I can't tell…But it's making weird sounds! Like old yogurt!"

Telsa nodded. He was not going to pass up an offer like that!

* * *

"Ulquiorra?" Orihime peeked her head into her boyfriend's room. Today she was dressed in white pants and a long sleeve shirt."Are you there? I'm leaving for Soul Society to attend that meeting about the whole Karakura Town mess."

"I'm here…" A dull monotone voice called from the bathroom where the door was open. He had been staring in the mirror for the last two hours. How dare she! "But please leave me-"

Orihime walked in the open bathroom door and stopped short. She stared at Ulquiorra's reflection…

And burst out laughing.

"What… What…" She doubled over, "What are…happened?!"

"Orihime…" Ulquiorra felt like crying. "Please don't laugh.."

"Ok.. Okay!" She gasped and after a good three minutes, managed to compose herself, much to Ulquiorra's pleasure. "But…" Orihime turned away so she could no longer see what was the cause of the laugher. "What happened, dear?"

"Uh…I suppose…it is my own fault…" He had to come to terms with the small fact that he called Tia 'trash'. "In a way… I suppose I should learn not to use the word trash anymore."

"Maybe…" Orihime stepped forwards and wrapped her hands around his neck. Her hands sliding down to cover the unwanted writing around his hollow hole. "I kind of like it… and if you need, you can have one of my scarves."

Ulquiorra closed his deep green eyes. He liked having Orihime's arms around him. "If you would not mind…"

"Of course not!" She twirled him around and pecked him on the lips. "And… I have to say… Tia is rather genius…"

"I suppose she is…" Ulquiorra sighed, "Tattooing 'Trash Only' around a hole that goes right through me."

"Yes. Just make sure the other Arrancars don't think you really are a trashcan."

"I will make sure they don't." Ulquiorra paused, not sure how to state his next sentence. "But… I want to come with you to the conference. I cannot let you go alone."

"Why?" Orihime frowned, hoping that she had not fallen in love with someone who saw her as weak. "Give me one good reason."

"I want to make sure they respect your actions." Came the honest reply. "I remember how you would tell me of your frustrations with the Soul Reapers."

Ulquiorra watched the young woman's brown eyes light up."So, you will back my claims?"

"Of course I will." He leaned forwards and gently kissed her lips. "Because I believe in you."

* * *

Author's Note: I had to.  
I had to borrow that scene from Spaceballs with the Hairdryer. The scene was begging. And I feel bad for Ulquiorra... but at least he has Orihime to cheer him up. (And she has plenty of scarves.) On another note, I think I am starting to like Rudbornn...He's meshing really well... and I think that I made a good choice in Aaroniero's Fraccion. To think, I was going to pick someone else. But, Rudbornn ended up being chosen.

And yes, I have been unfortunate enough to come across talking Yogurt. Leave it in the fridge for a year and you will hear little voices. (This is no joke.)


	6. Thanks But No Thanks!

The colors of Los Angeles filled the Espadas surroundings… All brilliant, vibrant and ever changing. The sun brightened the sky, the people walking by were talking and laughing.

And Aaroniero was staring. "Wow… sun… warmth…Boobs!"

Rudbornn put his face in his hands. Is all his Master could think about were the women the small bikinis?

He supposed it were so as Aaroniero was oblivious to the car that nearly ran him over a second later. Thankfully, Telsa grabbed the Fifth Espada out of the line of danger in the nick of time.

"Hey!" Telsa cried at the stunned Espada. "Snap out of it!"

"Ah…" Was all was to be heard as Aaroniero's mind had been blown to smithereens by the hot babes that walked up and down the street as if they were wearing normal clothes. "Babes…"

Telsa almost slapped him across the face. Thankfully his own master had better taste then to- "Nnoitra-sama?!" He cried, seeing him staring dreamily at some beautiful guy in a swimsuit as he walked by; while Szayel did the same, but was staring at a different man with lots of muscle, in the other direction.

"What has gotten into them?!" Telsa screamed at Rudbornn who was wishing he did not understand what was going on

"I have no clue. I suppose…" He glanced around the street corner they were standing on and did not see much insight but a lot of people. Humans sure did dress strange…"They like their outfits?"

"..Perhaps." Telsa half agreed, but he was sure there was more going on than met the eye.

"I was just kidding!" Rudbornn did not want the other Numeros to agree with him! "I know what they are staring at! And we need to bring them all back to the present moment!"

"Yeah! Right! You get that one," Telsa pointed to Aaroniero was in pure shock by the sight in front of him. "And I will get these two! Who, oddly enough, already have what they want."

"Really?" Rudbornn could not tell who Szayel and Nnoitra were staring at in the crowds of people on the sidewalk.

"Yeah!" Telsa pointed to Nnoitra, "He's looking at some girly dude and Szayel's looking at some hot hunk."  
"…How do you know?"

"Because! I've been forced to serve both of them for a good forty years!"

"You don't sound so pleased about that." Rudbornn observed, walking over to his master.

"No." Telsa admitted honestly as no one would hear what he had to say. "I was picked to be Nnoitra's Fraccion. Not Nnoitra and Szayel's! Although, it isn't all that bad… but…it's a real pain when they both demand your attention at the same time. Both of them want chocolate or both of them want breakfast in bed and they are on the other ends Los Noches!"

Rudbornn stroked his chin thoughtfully. "True…"

"And so, I just do my best… And I have to say that I kinda do love both of them to an extent. They are not all that bad…but some days it is just a pain."

"How so?"

"How so?" Telsa scoffed. Who was this guy anyway? "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"No."

"Boyfriend?"

"No. I've never dealt in personal affairs, so I don't really see besides the fact that they sometimes make you run all over, is a pain."

Telsa let out a long sigh. "Okay… Rud…. Have you ever seen these two fight. I mean, like honestly get in a fight?"

Rudbornn shook his head.

"It's not pretty. And when they get in a fight, most of the time…and this doesn't happen that often-like once every decade or something…they break up. And…I… Little me. Have to console both parties. Saying things like, 'yeah, yeah… I am sure that Szayel didn't mean it when he called you a ************' Or, 'I am sure that Nnoitra doesn't really hate you even though he stabbed you in the neck and left you laying in the sand to die.' And then… after the consoling is done, and there are no more tissues or toilet paper in Los Notches, you get the wonderful job playing messenger. Running back and forth for days on end to deliver messages. And the hard part is escaping once you've delivered said message as the first ten are usually horribly mean and-"

"Why do you go to all this trouble?" Rudbornn see were Telsa was frustrated and for some reason, kept at it anyhow. "Why don't you just let them be?"

Telsa smiled a little as he turned to his baffled friend. "Because I care too much. Master Nnoitra is hardly happy without Szayel… and the other way around. It's really…sweet I think."

"I see…" Rudbornn nodded. Telsa really cared for the people in his life. "So, what happens after you play messenger?"

"Then…I regrow a few limbs- as after a while, it get harder to escape- and organs and then, I finally get them to talk out their problems rationally and then sending them to dinner. Usually. And everything is solved. I don't want them to be mad at each other long because if you watch them closely, I feel like they were made for one another."

"I suppose I should watch more closely…and…" Rudbornn was kind of curious of this small fact that Telsa didn't mention. "Do they know how much work you put into all of this? Do you ever get a thank you?"

"Nah…all I get in the end is a door slammed in my face. Which, I suppose is good… but… It kinda hurts you know…not to get a thanks, or 'Telsa, you're the best', after all the work I went through.. but… That's life, I suppose."

"Well…" Aaroniero's Fraccion glanced at Szayel and Nnoitra. "I think that… I'll get them to tell you thanks somehow…"

"Oh! You don't have-"

"I'm gonna. And please, don't try and stop me. I see how much you care for everyone and… Nnoitra should be grateful to you and so should Szayel."

"…Perhaps you are correct…" Telsa agreed, "And now we need to walk these three out of their daydreams."

"Good idea." Rudbornn walked over to Aaroniero and casually slapped him across the face. "Hello, welcome to real life."

"And we must get moving." Telsa told Szayel and Nnoitra as they realized that they had been starting at what they already had. "We need to find out where Yammy lives and then, start making a plan."

"Good idea." Nnoitra told him, not really pay attention to him. Instead, was grinning at Szayel who grinned back. It was so nice to have someone who understood and cared about him. "Now, buzz off Telsa and go do that…"

Telsa sighed and glanced at Rudbornn who was hot in the tail of Aaroniero who was running down the sidewalk towards the beach; determined to find himself a gal.

"Oh well…." Telsa sighed and let his shoulders droop as he walked away from Nnoitra and Szayel who were now talking about where to go on a date. "I suppose I will have to do all of the work once again…at least I have Rud…oh, wait… I don't… He ran off too… Damn…" He shuffled down the sidewalks of Los Angeles, feeling confused on what he should feel.

Upset maybe.

_No… I can't be mad at them. It is my job to serve the Espada, Master Nnoitra in particular… However… I guess… I feel lonely sometimes…_ Telsa laughed at himself as this revelation hit him. _It is like a hollow to feel lonely… so, I guess I'm just me. How funny is that?_

"It's not funny!" Orihime gasped, hearing the council of the Thirteen Captians of Soul Society laughing in her face. "I demand that-"

"Inoue-san." Unohana said from where she sat in the middle of the long tables in the front of the large meeting room. Her voice calm and patience. "You will find it pleasing to serve under Kurosaki, Ichigo in the Third Division."

"Serve…under?!" Orihime continued to yell, upset over the whole idea. "Do you know why Aizen was defeated?!"

"Yes." The Captain of the First Division muttered, his old eyes meeting the young woman's. "It was all thanks to Kurosaki, Ichigo who defeated all of the Menos Grandes and the three Rouge Soul Reapers, Gin, Azien and Tosen."

Orihime closed her eyes in an attempt to keep from exploding.

So, the story seemed to have changed when it reached Soul Society… Or they just liked to think that Ichigo was their hero. Or both.

"So….You are saying that…" Orihime began, her voice wavering. "Ichigo saved all of you? And now is being offered to… become the Captain of the Third Company?"

"Yes." The Old Man said, pleased to announce the news once again. "That is correct."

"And… you want me…" Orihime pointed to herself. "To join his company as an officer? A simple officer? Not even a lieutenant?"

"No. Ishida and Chad will take Lieutenant and The Third Seat."

"Are you not pleased?" Ishida asked her where he was standing next to Chad. The three of them had been called to attend a meeting after learning that Ichigo was to be the Captain of the Third Company was an official order. "We get to all have our own company in Soul Society, Inoune-san."

"Ishida…" Orihime refrained herself. "This is hardly what I wanted."

"What do you mean?" Chad thought that she would be thrilled and over the moon at the chance to be a part of the Thirteen Court Guards.

"Because it's wrong!" She finally yelled, not caring anymore to try and be who she used to be. Being kidnapped changed her and she knew it for the better. "All of it is-"

"Silence!" Yamamoto ordered, banging his twisted wooden cane into the ground.

"No! I am not going shut the hell up! I'm gonna tell you the truth whether you like it or not! I'm the one who saved the day and I should get all of the honor I deserve! Not Ichigo! He didn't do anything, you-"

"Enough!" Yamamoto had never been so offended in his life. "I will not listen to your ramblings. Surely you are just suffering from the trauma of being kidnapped by the evil Espadas…"

_Espadas?_ A brilliant idea struck Orihime right in the face. She could leave right now and… but she wasn't going to let these people forget who saved Karakura Town… ever. "Captain Yamamoto. I am not even going to try and explain to you what really happened in Karakura Town as no matter what I say, you will never listen. So…" She paused, wishing they were here to hear her next words, but… Whatever. "You can take your damn offer for the Third Company and shove it right up your fucking ass!"

The Thirteen Captains of the Guard and all of Orihime's old friends were struck silent.

Ishida glanced at Chad. _Who taught her those words?!_

_I have no clue! And what is she thinking, swearing at Old Man Yamamoto?!_ Chad shot right back, just as shocked as the rest of them.

"I'm not finished!" Orihime stepped forwards towards the table at the end of the room. "I am the one who went deep into the Forest of Menos and gathered all of the Menos and Adjuches to save my friends who, unlike you here in happy land, appreciate me and-"

"So you didn't gather the-"

"No, Ishida! I did not gather all of the Menos to save you or Ichigo, I brought them to save the people who care and believe in me. Unlike you who always thought I was nothing but a weak little girl. Damn, even Nnoitra isn't so blind! So if you may, I am going to leave all of you to your little companies and head to Hueco Mundo where I will follow my heart and join the ranks of the Espadas. Ulquiorra?!"

He appeared at her side before anyone could move. "Yes, what do you need, Orihime?"

"It's time to leave." She announced, pleased how baffled all of the Soul Reapers were to have not noticed the Hollow in their midst before. "I am going to come home with you and you can train me to become an Espada."

"I will not object." He replied, pointing at Ishida. And is this Kurosaki?"

"No. It is not, that is Ishida. Ichigo not here right now."

"How bad. I wanted to tell him trash like himself is so stuck up, it makes Szayel look normal."

"It does." Orihime agreed, recalling a many a time that Ichigo though he was some kind of all-powerful Soul Reaper. (And sadly, everyone believed it.)

"And that, he will never see you for who really are." Ulquiorra sighed heavily and with a single finger, drew a line in the sky to open the portal leading home which Tia was keeping open for them.

"And," He turned to the panel of Soul Reapers, "If you try to follow us, I will not hesitate to destroy you."

"That is enough." Chad stepped in between the Espada and the table of now angry Captains. "I am not going to let you take Inoue-san anywhere and let you threaten the Thirteen Captains who have more respect than you."

"Respect?" Ulquiorra's face twitched a smile. "I have more of it then you will ever know. As for the Orihime here-"

"How dare you address her so casually." Ishida joined Chad, "Like he said, you have no hono-"

"That is what Inoue asked me to call her." Ulquiorra replied blankly. Not liking having these two idiots blocking his path. "And trash like yourself will never understand her. Remove yourself from my path."

Ishida frowned and drew his bow. "I'm not moving, Hollow."

Ulquiorra's eyes went wide. "Oh…A Quincy…" _Szayel would love me forever if I collected this boy for this research…I could get him remove this tattoo on my neck…_

"Yes. The very last one at that." Ishida proudly stated, aiming at Ulquiorra's head. "Now, out of my way and hand over Inoue-san."

"No." Ulquiorra stared at the arrow, unfazed. "But I would not mind taking you hostage. I have a friend who is very interesting in studying your kind."

"So you have a Freaky Scientist in your group as well, Hollow?"

"A Freaky Scientist? No. Completely different, Trash." Ulquiorra would never dream of comparing the lowly Soul Reaper Scientist with Szayel. "Freaky is not the word I would use to describe Granz. Sadistic may be the better term. I remember him being so upset with the Soul Reaper Scientist, over there, nabbed that old Quincy right out of his grasp…he was depressed for weeks; and may still be now, but your appearance will change all of that if you continue to stand in my way. He would be ever grateful to me to have brought him a new Quincy to dissect."

"You wouldn't dare…" Ishida muttered, hating how everyone wanted to kill him in the name of research. "Hand over Inoue-san."

"Because, we are not moving at all." Chad crossed his arms. No one go away with taking Inoue to another world. "You will have to fight us."

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes. "Other Trash… Do you not know that I am a Vasto Lorde? I would not even have to move from this very spot to defeat both of you."

"Like I-"

"Ishida, Chad." Yamamoto banged his staff on the ground. "Back down."

"With all respect-" Ishida began.

"That is an order." The Old Man clarified. "A direct order from myself."

Ishida reluctantly did as he was told and lowered his bow. "But…why?"

"Because." Hitsugaya's stern voice rose from the end of the table. "A Vasto Lorde Class Hollow is more powerful than a Captain Class Soul Reaper and we also do not need to begin a war, Ishida, Uryu."

"Then you will let me leave in peace?" Ulquiorra inquired as Chad backed down as well.

"For now, I suppose. But do not thing this is the end of our discussion." The Captain of the Tenth Division stated. "As you still have one of us held captive by your new Queen."

"True." Ulquiorra stepped into the gateway after Orihime. "And we shall all meet again to discuss these matters." With a hand gesture, he closed the door and Soul Society disappeared.

* * *

Author's Note: I'll give you two guesses who taught Orihime to swear.

(Edit: 11/3/13: One of my reviews pointed out to me it is opposite. I said here before that Szayel has no heart and Mayuri has one. But now, I realize it is completely the other way around. Szayel, as Spottedowl pointed out, has a lot more heart then Mayuri. But, Ulquiorra has no clue about this. Or hearts in general.)

Poor Aaroniero... Never seen anyone in a bathing suit have we? Nope. (And I just had to write it...) And Telsa really goes to too much work...but... he understands how important it is he put Nnoitra and Szayel back together if it is the last thing he does. Rud, on the other hand, has a lot to learn, but learns fast.

And dear Orihime... she just got sidelined. Again. And thankfully she isn't gonna stand for it any longer. And I would love to see Ichigo be the Captain of the Third Company. (Daily Postcards?)


	7. Backseat Drivers Are Very Helpful

"Where's Telsa?" Nnoitra asked Szayel after they agreed to wander around the beach area until they found somewhere nice and quiet to sit and talk. Maybe kiss a little.

Szayel glanced around the crowed street corner to find only the luggage. "I don't really know… he was here a minute ago. So was Aaroniero and what's his name."

"Maybe they went off somewhere together."

"Perhaps, they did…" Szayel muttered, glancing at the restaurants. "Sadly, they have no idea how bad human food tastes…"

He caught Nnoitra making a face out of the corner of his eye as he recalled the horrors of living in the human world for a whole year.

All of the food naturally tasted off or down right disgusting they discovered not soon after their arrival last year. (Or what ever time it was now.)  
Meats were fine tasting, but a little off. Bland foods such as pasta, muffins and mild cheeses such cheddar were okay. Fruit was somewhat touchable, but not advised. Bland Vegetables such as cucumbers, broccoli, and spinach were fine. As were some variety of hard candies as long as they were not of the fruity variety.

Everything else not mentioned above…tasted very off to plain disgusting.

"Don't even remind me about the time that Tia made that fruit salad…" Nnoitra warned Szayel who was lost in his own horrid memories of food.

"At least human food doesn't make us sick." Szayel tried to point out the bright side. "And at least, honey tastes good."

"Yick! Nnoitra Gilgas does not like honey!"

"Suit yourself, Nnoitra." Szayel sighed and headed off to the nearest restaurant to check for the missing people in their party. Sure enough, he found Aaroniero sitting in a corner booth next to two invisible people. "Hey, Fishtank, what's up?"

"I was hungry. And I couldn't find any girls who wanted to go out with me…" He said, his voices sad and lonely. "I tried to ask a few… but then they asked for money. Which was really confusing…"

"And…?" Szayel groaned, wanting to crawl under to the table and pretend he did not know this idiot. "What?"

"Well… I didn't have any."

"Thank… who ever." The Fourth Espada put his head in his hands. "Aaroniero… Let me explain something here… This is… a beach city and…" He continued to frankly explain the rules about young women who stood on street corners dressed in most nothing. "So, don't talk to them. Even though I still don't really like you. I mean, you are not as bad as I thought all these years, but we still are not the best, best of friends… Like how me and Telsa here are friends… I still think you need to hold out for the best girl in the world and not run off and try and find one. You have eternity to live and so, don't settle for less, will you?"

"..Okay…" Aaroniero was rather shocked by what he just learned, but managed to speak. "I will…"

"Now." Szayel slid in to the booth next to him and picked up the menu. "Why don't we get something not disgusting to eat?"

"…Good idea." Aaroniero sunk back in his seat. "We are rather… embarrassed. We always make mistakes it seems…unlike you."

"Well that can't really be helped. You have too tiny heads in a glass tank. Not much brain activity, no?" Szayel muttered as he read. "The salad might be good…Or… maybe I should just get a Root Beer or-"

"Szayel-sama…" Telsa whispered across the table, noting that Aaroniero was trying not to cry. "I think that maybe-"

"That you-"

Telsa held out a hand before Rudbornn said something that made Szayel pissed. "We over here, cannot help but notice that… perhaps you may have slightly injured the feelings of Aaroniero. As, if you do not mind my saying, your words were sightly harsher than most."

"And?" Szayel was too busy to care about Fishtank. His feeling were his own and if he was so touchy, it was his fault for being so. "What do you want me to do Telsa?"

"Perhaps…" Telsa gave Rudbornn a stern look as he opened his mouth to speak. We have to tread lightly, Rud. That is how it works. "You should rephrase what you said to say something like…like, 'I know that we all make mistakes in new surroundings?' or something less… "

Szayel glanced to his right to see Aaroniero crying. "Fine… Combined, you have half of the brain power of an average Hollow. There."

"Szayel-sama!" Telsa yelled, hearing the Fifth Espada begin to sob. "Please have a little more thought in your words."

"And heart." Rudbornn added, upset how casually he insulted Aaroniero.

A pair of cold amber eyes peered over the large restaurant menu. "I don't have a heart, Skull-Face. And Telsa, I am not in a mood to try and make amends."

"What happened? Did anything happened between you an-"

"I'm hungry. That is what. Talk to me after I eat."

"I am afraid I cannot wait that long." Telsa scooted over so Nnoitra could sit next to him and Rudbornn who was in the side seat. "I really don't want him screaming in my ears come five minutes."

"Now that you mention that…" Szayel did not want to listen to Aaroniero scream for the next five hours. "I suppose I can rephrase. Aaroniero. Every one makes mistakes. Some are just prone to them."

Telsa rolled his eyes. "Maybe a little more…"

"Okay. Fishtank, don't scream all the time because you are smarter than a toddler."

Aaroniero stopped crying immediately and looked at Szayel with wide eyes. "Really? What's a toddler?"

"A Human with a Associates degree." Szayel lied much to Telsa's dismay. "That's two long years of lots of advanced schooling. Now, shut up and let me find something edible before I give up entire-"

"I cannot believe it!" A cheerful voice cried, making everyone jump. "To think I'd run into you here of all places! I cannot… Christy, You remember Romeo."  
Szayel resisted the urge to scream bloody murder as he laid his eyes on an average height joe with brown hair and a tropical shirt. Instead, he smiled at his fellow actor who, the last time they met, ended up eating Soul Candy. "Hello Ned. It is nice to see you again."

"I know! Isn't it!" He said as he and Christy, (Another fellow actor) stood at the end of the table. "We were just walking by to our table that's over there and I was like, isn't that Romeo?! From Scotland? We were in Hamlet together ages ago! I cannot believe that I'd run into you here of all places! And you're hair is pink yet again!"

"Yes." Szayel laughed along with them, "It is. So, how have you been?"

"Good! We just-oh! I forgot to tell you that after Hamlet, Christy and I started going out and now, since, well… it's been about a year and a few months, we're married."

A little quick, no? Szayel noted before saying, "How sweet."

"And she has charming kids who-" Ned glanced around the restaurant for the three that were supposed to be following him at all times. "Um…" He glanced at his wife. "I'll go get them."

"No, no. Talk it up with Romeo, I'll go." Christy told him with a peck on the cheek. "Be back in a sec."

"Thanks." Once she was gone, Ned turned back to the table where the three people were seated. "Have room in here for me? I'll pick up the tab."

"Well-"

Szayel got a glare from Telsa who knew that if they refused, it wouldn't turn out well given how determined this human was on 'catch up on old times'.

"Okay. Teresa. Come over here." After a few minutes of rearranging, Nnoitra, Szayel and Aaroniero were sharing a side of the booth and Ned the other. While Rudbornn and Telsa who could not be seen, climbed quietly over table and sat down in the booth behind the Espadas. Thankfully, like most of the booths, the seat had sinkholes in it all ready, so Telsa and Rudbornn's weight was not noticed.

_I really hate Telsa…_ Szayel shot a look at Nnoitra who grinned sightly.

_Well, that's him. Always thinking practical._

_And I hate being crushed between you and Fishtank…_ Szayel added with a smiled. "And I suppose I forgot to introduce these two!"

"Yeah." Ned laughed as he made room for Christy after she pulled up two chairs to the end of the large table for the kids to sit. "I forget these things too."

"Well, this here." Szayel pointed at Aaroniero was was wearing a happy face that honesty made Kaien Shiba look like he stayed up for days. "Is Aaron. Good friend of mine and he works as a Museum Curator."

"Where?" Christy loved anyone who loved art. "Maybe we've run into one another."

"I don't remember…Where do you work Fish-Aaron?"

"Fish?" Ned picked up his menu.

"Oh, his nickname is Fishtank. Loves Aquariums…" Nnoitra noted with a smirk. Actually, he is a frickin' aquarium. Wanna see?

"And who are you?" Christy swore she saw this tall young man with black hair before. "Did we work on a play together?"

"Maybe." It wouldn't be a surprise if he did as near the end of the year, he worked as a hairdresser. "And I'm Theresa."

"Theresa?!" One of the kids at the table laughed, only to get a glare.

"Yeah, it is! Do you have a problem with that you little-"

Szayel put his hand over Nnoitra's mouth just in time to muffle the next word. "Spoony…be good, shall we?" after he got a small nod, Szayel let his hand fall to the side. "And this is, my…" I think we've been together long enough… "Husband, Theresa. Don't inquire of the name. His mother was a little…" Szayel leaned across the table. "Crazy."

"Thanks…" Nnoitra muttered, trying not to scowl. "Anyhow… who are these…" He glanced at the three kids who were either on their electronic toys or staring at him with wide eyes. "Charmers."

"This one here." Ned began, a wide smile on his face as he spoke. "Is Taylor. Hon, put down your ipad please. We are at the table with friends."  
Nnoitra and Szayel shared a glanced as Taylor put her device away with a huff.

_Friend my foot. This is meeting just annoying._

"And I go to school." Taylor announced, knowing the drill that her dad always did when she meet one of his theatre friends. "And I'm thirteen. So, yeah."

"And this here," Ned gestured to the kid with brown hair and a painted lizard on his cheek, 'is my next youngest, Aaron! What a coincidence! Aaron, want to tell these nice people a little about yourself?"

"I'm ten and I like to play hockey and I love to goof off at school. And I love Lizards."

Aaroniero hid a snicker as he watched Szayel and Nnoitra shiver at the mention of lizards.

"And so you do…" Szayel said, not noting that the color of his hair had instinctively changed to match that of the booth as if to hide his form. "And so…what's so neat about…"

"Lizards." Nnoitra coughed out, not noting that he was half under that table. "Because… um…"

"They are all awesome! Cause they have detachable tails and are green! Green is my favorite color see? And, they eat bugs! I bet they'd eat butterflies too! My little sister Minda loves them, but I don't get it. All they do is flit around and look stupid."

"One word and…" Telsa's voice whispered in Szayel's ear. His hand over his mouth a split second later. "Just stay calm… yes… Relax…and…" He felt the Fourth Espada let out a long breath. "Good…One more… this kid doesn't mean anything and… there are no lizards who are going to eat you. You can change your hair back to pink… and you'd better do it soon before Ned looks over here…"

Rubornn who had his own hand over Nnoitra's mouth, watched as Szayel's hair slowly changed from a disgusting blue back to it's original pink.

"There…" Telsa continued in a soothing voice. "All better… Now, we will stay here and tell you want to say. Okay?"

Both of them nodded sightly.

"Good…" Rudbornn smiled under his mask. "Now, why don't you ask Ned, who that kid with Pony tails is… just so that we get to a different subject."

"So, what is the third kid you have?" Nnoitra asked after Rubornn let him go. Hand still hovering by his face. "Ned?"

"Yes! This is-" Christy gestured to the little girl who was wearing a pink dress and had ponytails. All this time, she'd been staring at the weird people at the table. "Minda."

"Hi?" She asked, "Are you a pirate?"

Nnoitra was stuck silent. He glanced at Rudbornn. What's a Pirate?!

"I have this!" Telsa cried, "A pirate is a…pirate. Bad guys that go around in boats and steal things and they have eye patches like you. Or so they do in pictures! Smile and laugh! Nicely!" He added as his Master opened his mouth to cackle evilly. "You have to act normal Master Nnoitra!"

"I can see that!" He yelled back, forgetting his surrounds for a moment. "I can see that…" He began to cover up his outburst, "You think I'm a pirate, little kid. Well, I'm not. But I do have an eye patch."

"So…" Ned finally noted that Theresa really was wearing a black bandana over his left eye. "It's for real isn't it? What happened?"

"Army!" Telsa screamed in Nnoitra's ear. "Say, you were in the army-"

"You were in the-"

"No!" Rudborrn intervened. "First person, Nnoitra-sama!"

"Firs…Yeah. It's real. I was in the Army."

"What happened?" Ned continued, gaining glares from the invisible Fraccion.

"Has he no tact?" Telsa asked of Szayel who had ben sitting there with a smile on his face for the last two minutes. "Just curiously."

"Um… huh…" Szayel confirmed his suspicions. "And so, it is all a really interesting, but rather gruesome tale that I don't think you want to hear over dinner."

"Lunch, Szayel-sama!"

"Lunch. Oh, I can never tell the time of day…"

Ned was about to say something when the waiter came over to the table to take their order.

"Okay!" the Fraccions went into action as their Masters had no clue what to order it seemed. "Get salad!"

"All around?" Rubornn wondered if they should mix it up. "Maybe Aaroniero should get this, the fish with garlic and onion…"

_Our dinner is doomed…_ Szayel thought, hearing them all speak of human food that would be horrible to try and eat_. But they are right…we can't all order salads… It would just be weird… I could just order pasta without the things I don't want and-too late.. Ned is already ordering for us. Great guy… I should ring his neck._

"I thought since you were all staring into space, I should order for you." Ned said after the waitress left. "I've been here before and so, I know the menu. So, I just ordered you guys the best dishes."

"And what a-" Szayel began, only to hear Telsa say, "Don't ask…you'd be better off if you didn't."

"What are you doing lately?" Szayel finished his sentence. "Ned, that is. Anymore theatre?"

"Not much. I've had kids to raise you know! Christy on the other hand got a professional gig in London in the Drowsy Chaperone. It starts right when we get back."

"That's wonderful." Because we won't have to see you ever again…

"And I get to be a stay at home dad. Which I don't mind, because I really wanted to spend more time with my charming kids anyhow. So, you two. Thinking of adopting any of your own?"

The result was swift.

Telsa and Rudbornn clamped their hands over Nnoitra and Szayel's mouths, praying to anything that would hear that Ned would walk away alive.

Aaroniero stared in shock for a moment before beginning to laugh so hard, he cried.

Szayel was speechless. "Um… what?" his muffled voice gasped. Had he heard what he thought he did? If he did, Ned was a dead man. "Hear that Telsa? Dead!"

"Don't you dare!" The younger Arancarr whispered back over Aaroniero's laughing. "One move and I won't hesitate to rip your pink hair right out of you head."

"I was asking if you two ever thought of adopting a few kids in the future. I mean, you two seem nice enough."

"Wait until I get my hands on that-"

"Don't even think it." Rudbornn warned Nnoitra, table knife ready to go right through his only eye. "If you do, then I will show them a new magic trick that ends with you being soundly humiliated."

"And?" Nnoitra whispered, not threatened one bit by Skull-face."Whatcha gonna do?"

"I got my hands on a video of you crying your eyes out… and this place has thirty six televisions… do you really want it to play?"

Nnoitra cursed to himself and brought himself back to the present moment where Aaroniero was suffocating himself with laughter and Szayel was silent.

"Ah, well…" Nnoitra began before the laughter went on too long. "It never crossed our minds much. We aren't the kinda people who are great with kids. Sure we can stand 'em for like dinner. But we don't really want any."

"I felt that way myself for a long time." Ned admitted as the waitress came over and set the dishes of food on the table. "But, kids really are a person to person thing. I hear you, man."

"And um…" Szayel tried not to make a face as a disgusting sent waft up from the dish in front of him. "We are just so busy anyhow. Me with my work and Teresa here with his own. He still has an Army desk job."

"Not to bored are you?" Christy frowned at Mlinda who turned her nose up at the grilled cheese on her plate. "With a desk job?'

"Yea. Bored as-helck. K."

"Sorry about the boring job, Theresa. So are you still acting?" Ned picked up his knife and fork to begin eating. "Or do you have a different job, Romeo?"

"I do have…" Szayel sighed as he realized that Aaroniero was still laughing loudly. "Hey, it's not that funny, Aaron."

"But…" Aaroniero choked out, trying to breathe. "It is… I mean,… he.. Hehe… He hask… if.. Yah… ahaha….if you want kids!"

"Well, you can stop laughing now." Szayel's voice became slightly colder.

"But.. It… it … Hah…" Aaroniero let his face finally hit the table with a loud thud. "So… fun… funn-"

A loud cracking sound echoed across the restaurant as a few of Aaroniero's ribs broke in half.

In the silence that followed, Nnoitra grinned. "I dropped my silverware on the floor!" He reached under the table to pick 'the silverware.' "That was loud. Didn't know they would make that much sound."

"And one sound from you…" Szayel whispered to Aaroniero while smiling. "I will elbow you again. Harder."

"And now!" Nnoitra held up his knife and fork, a triumphant grin on his face. "We can all eat."

"Good idea." Christy agreed and everyone began to eat.

Rudbornn tried not to laugh as he watched Nnoitra nearly choke on the first bite of fish. "Does it really taste that bad?"

Nnoitra nodded. "Wow.. The flavor is really…"

"I told you that you would like it." Ned said between bites. "So, what do you think of the Soup, Romeo?"

"I haven't tried it yet." He stared at the weird assortment of vegetables in the broth. "It is a little hot at the moment, but I suppose I should."…Get this over with because this is going to completely disgusting… Szayel picked up his spoon and dipped it in his soup. "It smells very nice and…" He almost gagged.

The soup tasted like…

Szayel could not think of anything he'd ever tasted that was this foul.

"So what are you three doing in Los Angles?" Christy asked, enjoying this luncheon.

"We are here for fun." Nnoitra told her, "Found us a nice hotel to stay at too."

"You found a hotel?" Szayel gasped, almost dropped his spoon. "When? I left you for two minutes to get a table! Where?!"

"I just took all of our luggage and traipsed around the corner. Literally. And there it was. A nice hotel that over looks the ocean. Thanks for leaving me with all our stuff and your suitcases." Nnoitra really hated caring that dripping suitcase through the lobby in his nice coat. "Next time, you take it."

"Sorry." Szayel muttered, glancing at the runaways behind him. "If…"

"I know. What ever. Anyhow," Nnoitra turned his attention back to the annoyances across the table. "How long will you be in town?"

"A week. We've had two days left here." Christy took a sip of her water as she spoke. "How about your three?"

"A few days until the fifteen of January of Two-thousand ten.." Nnoitra heard a collective sigh from the other Arrancars as they had not be shot into the past like last time the came to the human world. "And…" He was not sure if he eyes deceived him when he saw Yammy's face on a poster across the street from the hotel." Have you heard of Yammy Llargo?"

"Who hasn't?!" Ned cried. "He's Hollywood's hottest thing right now! He fights invisible things and dominates the boxing ring like no one's business."

"What invisible things?" Aaroniero asked before Szayel could.

"I'm not sure. I think it's ghosts."

The three Espadas shared a look. There is where all the Hollows in Los Angeles went…

_Good thing I brought Lumina…_

_Aw! I won't have anything to eat! I'll become a Giant Menos Grande!_

_Yammy as a boxer? That's the stupid._

"Any idea where he lives?" Nnoitra continued, assured that Ned was some kind of Yammy Expert. And an Expert they could surely use.

"In L.A. That's why we are here." Christy said, "We all love him. So funny and -"

"Stupid." Szayel finished, gaining shocked looks from Ned's whole family.

"Szayel-sama!" Telsa whispered, making him jump. "They don't know we know Yammy! And we can't tell them we do or when he disappears, they might link it back to us. I would not underestimate humans at a time like this."

_True…_

"Stupidly funny, that is." Szayel corrected himself. "I find him quite amusing."

And the luncheon was back on course and with the help of the invisible Fraccions, the rest of the meal went well besides the fact that the food tasted worse by the bite.

* * *

Author's Note: Telsa and Rudbornn to the rescue again! Damn, they do so much. Thank goodness Telsa doesn't have to do all of the work himself for a while.

Yes. Nnoitra quoted Tigger from Winnie the Pooh.

Dear Ned... He's so lucky to be alive... and yes, there are those people who order for their guests. Dear Aaroniero... don't pay people money! Bad Fishtank!

Anyhow, this was a fun chapter to write. I highly doubt we will be seeing Ned again this story. I just thought of them running into him of all people. (And yes, he doesn't remember a thing. Thankfully.) As for Szayel's hair, butterflies can blend into nature when they need to. So, I thought it would be interesting if he could do the same. Being a butterfly.


	8. Popcorn Out The Nose And Other Disasters

"Suitcase! Suitcase!" Szayel screamed as he walked into the nice hotel room an hour later. It was a simple, but colorful room with two beds and a small bathroom. "I need something now to get this horrible taste out of my mouth!"

"Here!" Telsa thrust the dripping bag into Szayel's arms a second later.

"You…" He rushed to the bathroom, set the case down in the tub and threw it open to reveal a mess of purple. "You are a life saver Telsa… I don't know what Nnoitra and I would do without you."

"Yeah…" Telsa made a face at Rudbornn who was standing in the doorway. The pieces of..Lumina was it? Still moved in Szayel's grasp."Thanks… and you are thoroughly…Ew…disgusting."

"What ever you say…" Szayel took another bite before holding the moving piece of flesh out to his fellow Hollows. "Want a taste?"

"Um…" Rudbornn was thankful that this mess was contained in the tub. "No thank you. I think that, I like my…Lumina, dead. Because Um… she's still talking."

"You sure?" Szayel checked, handing an arm to Nnoitra as he walked into wash his mouth out. (Soap frankly tasted much better than that horrible fish dish.)

"Here. Takes some. Gets rid of the flavor fast."

"I…I don't really want to." Nnoitra honestly admitted, handing the arm back with two fingers. "It just feels wrong to me to eat…well…a Numeros. I wouldn't ever dig into Telsa.. So…"

"Fine, fine…" Szayel chomped a finger off the hand he was now holding, ignoring the purple mess his face was becoming. "Suit yourself. It just tastes so much better than soap."

"We'd rather have soap!" A chorus of voices cried.

"Yes, yes. I get it already! Now, let me enjoy this wonderful meal!"

* * *

"What should we do now?" Telsa asked as Szayel walked out of the bathroom an hour later after taking a shower. Telsa was sitting on one of the two beds in the room that he was to share with Rudbornn and Aaroniero for the night. "I don't want to stay in the human world much longer."

"Neither do I." Nnoitra said from where he was streeched out on the other bed he and Szayel were to share. "Because I know that Ned is bound to show up again and bug the hell out of us with his brainless questions."

"Quite." Szayel took the towel off his head and began to dry his hair with it. "I think that we should maybe try and do something tonight."  
All eyes were on him a second later. "That is?"

"Well, we know that Yammy lives in Beverly Hills and so, all we have to do is go looking for his house. And If he is the hottest thing in Hollywood…and…"

Szayel paused to sit down on the bed next to Nnoitra. Fixing his bathrobe as he did so. "I hate to say this… but… Yylfordt is… rather the man around Los Noches and so, he tends to throw a lot of parties. Most of which are horrible rackets, but, that information could be useful to us here. Yammy, being famous like he is, is sure to party ever night as well. So, we just go to Beverly Hills and find it. And then, Aaroneiro can sneak in and finish the-ow!" He cried as Nnoitra's head connected with his own as the tall Espada suddenly sat up.

"What do you mean?!" Nnoitra cried, "Fishtank to the job? Are you crazy? Have you lost a few more bolts?!"

"Ah… ow… no…" Szayel winced and rubbed his head that was already staring to swell and bruise. "I only thought it would be a good…You hit me really hard when you sat up… Good idea because Aaroniero can turned into who ever he has absorbed. So, I am guessing that he must have a female form that we can dress up and send into the party."

"Why female?!" Aaroniero screamed, "I don't wanna kiss Yammy!"

"You won't have to. It's just that I am sure there are going to be plenty of girls at the party, so you will blend right in and won't be noticed as much."

"Yeah… true…" Aaroneiro muttered, thinking it over. "But… what if… Yammy's gay?"

"Trust me, he's not. Have you seen his room? I ended up having to clean it up because he ordered me to. It's a real pain that he's the Null Espada…and in his room, there are countless posters of women….dressed like the ones you talked to, Aaroniero. So, no."

"Oh yea…" Nnoitra said, remembering the time that he was forced to do the same. As Yammy never cleaned his own room, the other nine Espada soon discovered after they were all assembled. "So your plan isn't so bad. Although, I have to say it was fun to watch Ulquiorra try and clean. Couldn't stop staring at the walls."

Szayel snickered. "I think I have a picture of that… anyhow… So, Fishtank, do you have a feminine form?"

Aaroniero frowned. "Yeah… I do… Several…and don't laugh."

"We won't. this is serious."

"Right…" He huffed, walking over to where everyone could see him. "My ribs still hurt from your elbowing, you know! And they are still broken!"

"Well, you needed to shut up!" Szayel snapped. "Anyhow, please, show us what you have."

"All right.. Here's one." Kaien Shiba's face disappeared as it morphed into a young woman with long light brown hair and green eyes.

Telsa and Nnoitra burst out laughing.

"You're a girl!" Telsa snorted, nearly falling off the side of his bed.

"And-and-" Nnoitra couldn't help but point as he doubled over, accidentally hitting Szayel on the head again. (Knocking him to the floor, out cold; which was the only reason he wasn't laughing as well.) "You… Hav..ahaaaa….."

"Yeah!" Aaroniero screamed, pointing to himself. "I have a chest! So what?!"

"It's funny!" Telsa squealed, finally falling to the floor despite Rudbornn attempt to save him. "And…and…"

"And yeah! I got a cute butt too! What more do you want from me?!"

"I..donno.." Szayel muttered as he came to; only to find himself staring up at a strange young woman who had a very sweet voice and was obviously upset about something. "Who you?"

"It's me! Fishtank!" She screamed down at him. "Tell these two to stop laughing!"

"Ah… ow… " Szayel wasn't going to do anything until the world came back into focus and stopped moving. "My head…"

"My dignity!" Aaroniero screamed at the half-conscious Espada on the floor. "These two won't st-Hey!" He turned to Telsa and Nnoitra who was near dead by now. "If you two don't stop laughing, I'm going not do this for you and you will have to face Yammy on your own. And I am sure that he's been working out."

Nnoitra and Telsa stopped immediately.

The giggles however, did not subside for a few more seconds.

"Thank you." Aaroniero announced with a smile. "And now, you all can help me decide which to use after someone gets Szayel some ice for his head."

"I'll get it. I'm sorry our skulls collided!" Nnoitra climbed off the bed and headed to the door. "You shouldn't move right now. I'll be right back."

"I know that, you dumb twit!" Szayel yelled at him, just upset to have a splintering headache. "Just go get some ice before-"

The hotel room door shut with a slam.

"This leaves a mark."

* * *

"It won't." Nnoitra assured him as they walked out of the hotel room half an hour later. Aaroniero chose to be a a young woman with dark brown hair that

Telsa was put up in two pony tails. "It's already going away, see?"

"Right…" Szayel put the bag of ice over the large bruise again. "Whatever you say. Now, can I take your arm? The world still is a bit lopsided."

"Of course. Nnoitra held out his arm and the two of them walked down the hallway towards the elevator. "Now, I was thinking that maybe, we should get…"

He glanced behind him at Aaroniero who was creeping down the hallway as if he would be recognized. "What's your name?"

"Ah…? How about… Natalie?"

"We should get Natalie a nice dress."

"In purple!" Aaroniero chirped happily.

"No." Nnoitra shot down the idea immediately. "We are going to put you in green."

"EW! I hate hate green! AH-" Rudbornn gently slapped his Master across the face. "Why did you do that? My Faithful Fraccion!?"

"I suppose I did so because I wish not to become deaf nor I enjoy watching you panic so." Rudbornn replied in a calm voice, placing his hand on Aaroniero's shoulder. "You are rather frazzled from all of your years of service to the other Espada. Let me take on this burden."

"…Really?" Aaroniero sniffed, making Szayel and Nnoitra roll their eyes. "Thats so nice of you!"

"For the Espada I serve, I will do so."

"Sadly you can't get a Numeros to do everything." Szayel noted as he pressed the down button. "That's why I don't have one. I have Nnoitra instead."

"AHH!" Aaroniero slapped the back of Szayel's head, reading between the lines. "You are such a-"

The ding of the elevator was heard and the doors opened.

"What ever, Fishtank. Don't hit me." Szayel stepped inside and waited for everyone to join him before hitting the first floor, which, strangely was 'L' not 'G' for ground floor like it was in Scotland. "America is so peculiar…I can't even begin. The idiots drive on the wrong side of the frickin' road and I can't even tell how

hot or cold it is outside! You know what, Nnoitra? It said it was 60 degrees out today and for a moment, I was scared we would all boil to death."

"Me too. I'm just plain confused." Nnoitra yawned a little. "I also don't get the driving. Almost got run over like ten times today."

"Tell me about it." Aaroniero said from the back of elevator. "I was actually almost run over when we first arrived."

"And of course…" Nnoitra sighed a few minutes later after asking the receptionist for directions to the nearest dress store for their friend. "I have no clue what a mile is."

"Are you sure they don't mean smile?" Szayel inquired, wondering if it was just a mispronunciation.

Nnoitra turned back to the man at the front desk of the hotel. "So, did you say it's five smiles from here?"

"No. I said miles. With an M."

Nnoitra rolled his eye, glancing at Szayel who was standing next to him. "Told you people here are crazy."

"I thought I told you that…but, I suppose it is a mutual feeling. So," Szayel tried his luck with the Receptionist. "Where can we pick up a cab? Or is it called something insane here?"

"No, it's called a cab. Or taxi. You guys from Scotland?"

"Yeah. How can you tell?" Nnoitra eyed the man suspiciously.

"You have the fun accent, that's all."

"…Uh… oh…" Telsa grimaced, watching both Espadas freeze and an ripple of anger washed through the lobby. "This is not good…." He made Aaroniero walked swiftly over to the front desk, making him laughing.

"Now say what I say, okay?" Telsa whispered to the Fifth Espada as he laughed. Leaning an elbow on the counter where he was not standing in between Szayel and Nnoitra.

"Well, you see, sir." Aaroniero paused for more dialogue,"These two went to Scotland for a year for a science project and, I guess they didn't notice they picked up the local accent too. Anyhow, I'm-" Aaroniero paused again, glancing around the lobby for a second. "Natalie. These two are my friends from…Japan. So, they are just new to their surrounds so they are still in a little shocked by the culture you know…"

"Understandable. Well, should I call you three a cab?"

"Yes. Thank you." Aaroniero smiled, grabbed the two Espadas and dragged them to the chairs where the Rudbornn was sitting. "All is good now."

"This place gets stranger and stranger…" Nnoitra wanted to go back to?Scotland where everything made sense. "I can't stand it."

"That's why you're sitting." Rudbornn pointed out.

"And I want to get home as soon as possible." Szayel added, not liking it in Los Angeles either. "I have so much work to get done and I can't just keep being sent places by Tia."

"Speaking of which…" Aaroniero grinned, making 'Natalie's' sweet face look demented. "We can talk to Tia if we need too. I've been sending Ulquiorra and Grimmjow footage since we got here."

"Since we…." Nnoitra and Szayel's voices trailed off as they replayed the whole day in their minds.

"Oh damn!" Grimmjow screamed at Ulquiorra as they stared at the small T.V. In Aaroniero's room where they watched Nnoitra and Szayel stare at them.

"They found out!"

"It…It's…" Ulquiorra coughed and snorted up some popcorn as he laughed. "Funny! Them! Dinner!. They just realized.. That… We… heard… the…Human asking adopting kids! Haha! They-they just… Oh my… Haha…."

"Woha there, buddy!" Grimmjow cried, grabbed the back of Ulquiorra's shirt before he fell out of his chair. "And that whole dinner! The….funniest…their faces!"

"I… I am so…so glad that…" Orihime cried tears of laughter from where she was laying on the floor staring up at the screen. "They.. They aren't… here!"

"They'd frickin' kill us!" Grimmjow joined her on the floor a second later. His chair falling over backwards. "And… and… This.. This is so.. Funny! Can't breathe!"

"And…" Tia chuckled from the corner of the room as she walked in just in time to see Szayel and Nnoitra realize they were on canned camera, "I think that it was in Fishtank's best interest to directly download this feed onto my computer to keep forever."

"Because their faces…" Ulquiorra failed yet again at trying to eat popcorn and laugh at the same time. "Are the best. I wanna… Frame…"

"In…gold!" Grimmjow gasped for air. "Because…we may never… see one… like it again!"

"Because we are going to kill you, if you don't stop broadcasting right this instant." Szayel growled at Aaroniero who was now being held by the collar a good three feet off the ground. Once they were outside of the hotel, Szayel went for Aaroniero before Nnoitra could move. "Do you hear me? I will eat every single non-vital organ in your body and then, I will slowly dissect you. Staring with peeling off all of your skin and then, breaking every bone in your body. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"Yeah. I do." Aaroniero said, knowing that Tia and the others were having so much fun watching this adventure, it would never happen.

"…Aaroniero. I am damn serious here… one night when you are alone, I am going to get my small, but sharp saw, and cut into your skull while you sleep….and I will use your recording device to show what I did to you when I am finished. By then, you won't be able to comprehend much of anything as I will have destroyed your brain and shoved it back into your empty head… I will sure though, that you will never forget the creepy high-pitched sound of the saw and the sound of it cutting through your skull."

"Ah…" Aaroniero shivered. Szayel had a way with words that really scared him. "…Okay!"

"No!" Grimmjow screamed at the Television as if he could be heard. "Don't chicken out Aaroniero!"

"Do." Szayel's amber eyes bore into the back of Aaroniero's mind. "You. Understand. Me?"

"Ye.."

"I will make sure you are tormented by that sound for the rest of your pathetic life."

"YES!" he screamed, much to the dismay of the viewers. "Please don't do anything to me!"

"Then turn off the recording device…As it just so happens that I…" Szayel glanced at the cement under his feet. "Could start right now. Who needs a clean break anyhow?"

"I'm sorry everyone!" Aaroniero screamed and the television in Los Noches went black.

* * *

Author's note: For your FYI, the saw used in an autopsy to open the head does sound unbelievable high-pitched. Still can hear it today. It's a really nasty noise.

And don't manhandle ladies, Szayel! I know it's Fishtank, but still! Don't!

On a happier note, Ulquiorra snorting Popcorn out the nose is a really funny Image.


	9. But I Like Dancing Mom and Dad!

"BOO!" Grimmjow screamed at the blackened television. "Come back!"

"AWW!" Orihime cried. "Don't be such a-"

"It's so sad!" Ulquiorra finally took his first breath that day. "I want you to come back, Aaroniero! Make me laugh more!"

"Guys…" Tia said with a sad sigh, "I think that the episode has come to an end. Maybe we will get some more secret shots later."

The three turned and frowned at her. "Aw…."

* * *

"So, what do you think of this?" Nnoitra held out a long green evening gown for everyone to vote on. After Szayel threatened to saw open

Aaroniero's skull, they headed to the nearest department store in search of a green dress.

"Ew! It shows too much cleavage!"

"That you like to stare at…" Telsa muttered, citing earlier that day.

"Geez. How about this one?" He held up a second dress that was a little lower cut, but didn't have any lace.

"How about you try being a woman!" Aaroniero screamed at him, making Nnoitra freeze. "It's not easy walk around and notice all the guys staring at your chest! It's really weird! Men are such pervs!"

"Let is not generalize shall we?" Rudbornn suggested in a kind voice. "Not all of one thing are the same way."

"Who cares!" Aaroniero cried, not liking being a lady. It honestly felt very strange and how the hell was he supposed to walk in heels? "My whole form has been changed! Cut me some-No! Nnoitra! I am not wearing that! What am I? A a sidewalk slut?"

"Like the ones you ran into today…" Telsa continued, making Szayel snicker.

"Fine… what about this one." Nnoitra was down to the last ten green dresses on the clothing rack. "It is plain green. Not to short… doesn't show too much…but is still appealing… and looks like something ugly Neliel would wear."

"That soun-HEY! I am not wearing something ugly!" Aaroniero cried, hating this shopping trip. "Why don't we give up and dress Szayel in drag! He could pull it off!"

"Thank you for the complement." Szayel began, not pleased with the suggestion. "But I don't really feel like cross-dressing, thank you. That is my stupid brother's hobby."

"What ever! Nnoitra! Order him to!"

"Szayel honestly don't look good in drag. Seen it done once for some reason I cannot remember…It's the nose that's too masculine."

"Uh…" Szayel scoffed, "Thank you Nnoitra, my love for your 'oh so nice' comment about my ever masculine nose."

"It wasn't meant to be an insult. I'm trying to save you from dressing up."

"Then, it is very much appreciated."

"Good." Nnoitra turned back to Aaroniero. "You look most like a woman. 'Cause you kind are one. You have to do it."

"Give me a good reason why I should!"

"…We'll forgive you for your broadcast." Szayel hated to say it as he was kind of looking forwards to sawing open Aaroniero's heads and smashing the brains together. "And, we will be nice to you for a month."

"A month? How about ten years?"

"No. If you don't want us to be nice. Then, I won't make you carry Lumina's suitcase back."

"Sold on the condition that I never have to carry it again!" Aaroniero screamed.

"…Sold." Szayel muttered, not liking losing his bellboy, but he could get Telsa to do what he wanted. "Now pick a dress and then, I suppose we will have to find you some lingerie so you don't look like a saggy old woman."

"Um…" Aaroniero held a hand up, "None of us know how to find that stuff… Could I maybe have Tia help? And only Tia? She's a woman, you know."

"Sure. Now pick a dress."

"How about this one…" Aaroniero picked up the first dress that he was show a good half an hour ago. It was a basic green dress that hugged the body, but wasn't to revealing. "And maybe I'll try on a few others."

Nnoitra resisted the urge to scream. "Yeah… let's go try the first dress I showed you….Come on, Szayel."

* * *

"Damn!" Aaroniero cried ten minutes later as he stared at his figure in the mirror of the dressing room. "I look sexy!"

"Glad you feel that way." Szayel said from the other side of the door where he was holding a few of the dresses that Nnoitra gave him to give to Aaroniero to try on. (As usual, on the way to the dressing room, they found just a few more dresses.) "Now, do you want to try on a different one?"

"No…" Aaroniero winked at him/herself in the mirror and posed suggestively. "I look so hot!"

"Well then, why don't we just forget these other dresses and buy that one?"

"Good idea Szayel…I'm so glad you're here…"

"Thank goodness I look feminine enough." Szayel was now dressed in a thick woman's coat and was forced, by Telsa, to wear some lipstick.

So, he looked woman enough to sneak into the dressing room to help Aaroniero. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't have people screaming about floating clothes as no one could see Telsa or Rudbornn. "So, you want that one?"

"Yes!" Was heard from the dressing room. "I have to have this one! And I have to get some necklaces!"

"Great…lets do that. Change out into your normal clothes and get out here."

"Awe… but this is so hot!"

"You will get to wear it after we buy it, daughter dear."

"Okay, mom!" A sarcastic 'daughter' shot back. "I just don't want to change into my boring jeans and shirt. That looks awkward now."

"Well, you're gonna have to because you have to pay for your dress first." Szayel scolded, trying his best to act. But after meeting Ned, the acting was in short supply.

"Okay…" Aaroniero sighed and reached to unzip the back of the dress. And his arms wouldn't reach. "Um…Mom…? We have a problem here."

"And that is?"

"Well… My arms can't reach the zipper."

Szayel almost smashed his face into the wall. "How did you get it on then?!"

"I don't know. I just did…"

"Well… can you just… change your arms?"

"Maybe… Let's see…" Aaroniero stopped trying to unzip the dress and flipped through his databank of forms. "Maybe…Let's try this…there! Man arms! The best thing ever."

"Wonderful." Szayel's monotone voice stated. "I am happy I don't have to come in there and get you out."

"What?! Never! I'd rather be stuck in a dress!"

"Whatever, Fishtank… Just get out here. I think my nose is…" He glanced in the three way mirror next to him. "Really a problem here."

"Forget your masculine nose." Aaroniero walked out of the dressing room with a smile on (his? her's?) her face. "Lets go buy this dress and call Tia."

"Wonderful." Szayel took the dress and left the dressing room followed by a very happy young woman. "Now daughter, I want you to be a good girl at the party tonight and no crazy dancing."

"Aw…but I like dancing!" Aaroniero protested for the sake of the show. "It's so awesome when you let yourself move to the music."

"Move?" Szayel laughed, walking over to Nnoitra who had feeling of what was coming. "hardly. You all do such vulgar moves. Now, let us see what your dad thinks of this dress."

"Don't get me into this." Nnoitra backed away.

Szayel frowned. "Not Dad? Gran-"

"Okay!" He cried. When he thought of Grandpas, Nnoitra thought of Baraggan who was old as heck! "So, what did you find for Natalie?"

"A suitable dress." He held up the first green dress. "Now let us head to the other sections of this department store…" Szayel linked arms with Aaroniero, whispering as they walked along the store. "If you think you can get me to help you with the lingerie, i'll kill you."

"Fine with me, Mom. I'll get Tia." She replied with a smile.

"Good." Szayel really wished he didn't have to play the Mom. Couldn't Telsa made Nnoitra do the job instead? "And how I am typecast, I have no clue."

"Because everything but your nose is feminine." Telsa snickered as he walked behind the two of them invisibly.

"I didn't ask you." Szayel snapped, hating how he couldn't just yell at Telsa for getting him into a coat and lipstick. "And for your information, I will make sure you eat some of this horrid lip color when we get home. It tastes horrible."

"Szayel-sama. You don't eat lipstick…"

"I know you don't! But it's on my lips and somehow, some of it migrated into my mouth."

"And here we are." Aaroniero announced happily as they came to the large lingerie section. "Finally, I will get to wear some of the hot things that I like to look at!"

"…You perv…" Szayel muttered yet again that evening. "Anyhow, get…started?" He wasn't sure how one would find something that fit. Or how it was supposed to fit. "Call Tia will you?" He handed Aaroniero the remote control from the hotel room to double as a fake cellphone.

"Sure." She pressed a few buttons and held the small thing to her ear. "Hello? Tia?"

Tia blinked at the image of Aaroniero came into her left eye as she sat in her room doing her hair. "Uh… Yes? What do you need, Aaroniero?"

"Um… we need your help with certain pieces of clothing."

"Oh. Bra and panties?" She inquired, only to see the other Espada blush. "No shame, man. You can hear me right?"

"Yes… I can…" Aaroniero told her, not wanting to explain how at the moment. "So, where do we start?"

"Well, first… is that Szayel in lipstick?"

"Yeah… Mom's kinda…"

Tia snorted. "Mom?! Haha. That's a hoot. Let me guess who 'Dad' is."

"Not difficult at all…" Aaroniero gave her a shot of Nnoitra. "That or Grandpa was the other choice."

"Hah. Now, go find the fitters and let them help you. They should be there in the store somewhere."

* * *

"Go find the fitters!" Aaroniero screamed at Tia, ten minutes later; feeling rather humiliated by being measured around the chest by the women who worked in the lingerie section. "That's what you said, go-"

"Calm down, Aaroniero…" She didn't like being measured either. "But that's how you find one that fits… now, you get to try on all the colors and such… call me back when you are done. And take in mind that different brands don't fit the same."

"Okay! And you'd better not tell me I need measurements for panties!"

Tia laughed, "No… No… you don't. Anyhow… the worst is over and maybe, when you come back, you will have a little more respect… am I talking to?! You're Aaroniero. The meek Fishtank. Not the used to be sexist man."

"Thank you." Nnoitra muttered, pleased to hear the phrase, 'used to be.'

"Welcome. Call me later."

With that, Aaroniero let her connection with Tia disappear and went back to shopping.

After hours of trying on undergarments and finding a simple bra, headed to the jewelry section to look for some decent, but inexpensive piece to go with the dress.

* * *

Author's Note: This is what really happens when people go shopping. It takes hours and hours and come out with the first two things you saw. Poor Szayel.. I don't think he looks good in lipstick. Despite all the fans like making him all feminine... I also have agree on the nose. I did not update yesterday because I have to finish a chapter of Life of a Caterpillar and post it. More insanity is on the way as NaNoWriMo starts today and this is my story! So, this story will be getting a sure update everyday. :) Follow along please! And don't hesitate to tell me if there is anything you find outrageously funny. Thanks and good luck to all of my fellow NaNo-ers! This is going to be a swell NovelNovember!


	10. Hired Killers Are Cheap

"AAHHH!" Aaroneiro screamed at Szayel and Nnoitra who has his ears covered with his hands. "I don't want to!"

"But you already have a tattoo!" Nnoitra pointed out. Sayzel not wanting to deal with this shopping trip any longer. "Getting your ears pierced is a lot less painful. And you can even take them out when this is done."

"No! I won't unless one of you get one too!" Aaroniero did not want to the only one subjected to this torture.

"Not me." Szayel stated before Nnoitra could open his mouth to say the same. "My ears look fine the way they are. Spoonhead's on the other hand could use some bling."

"No way!"

"Yes…" Szayel glared up at Nnoitra. "Way. Now. Sit. Chair…" He pointed to the chair in hotel room that sat next to the window. All of them headed home after getting Aaroniero some cheap make-up (And nearly suffocating in the perfume section). "I am no mood for protests."

"…Fine…" Nnoitra sat down in the chair and pointed to his right ear. "But I take it out tomorrow. I don't want to have it there forever. Just anything to get Fishtank to help us out."

"Wonderful." Szayel took his coat off and put it in the small closet by the door. "I have some needles in my pocket and we have two pairs of earring. And yes, you can take it out after. I don't want a man with an earring."

"Ear-ist are we?" Nnoitra scoffed. "And what would you do if I kept it in?"

"Rip it out. I think that it will make you to feminine." Szayel said as he took out a needle and some rubbing alcohol. "Hate this stuff.. But it has to be done."

"It's about the nose comment, isn't it?'

"Yes. It is. I still am rather upset that you find my nose not as dainty as the rest of me."

"Szayel…" Nnoitra rolled his eye. "If you care to look… you aren't all that dainty. Sure you're really small and all, but… Hate to say it but, a six-pack ain't dainty."

Szayel glanced at his reflection in the hotel window next to the chair. "I suppose you are right. I'm not some fruit… So I forgive you for that comment as I suppose you mean it as a compliment of my strength. And as for the earring… Maybe…just maybe."

"Coo-" the needle broke in two.

"Ah?" Szayel stared at the half he was holding. "What just…"

"Oh uh…" Nnoitra muttered, "I think that we won't get Fishtank to piece his ears. His natural Hierro will just break the needle like that."

"Shoot. I forgot." Szayel put the needles back in his pocket and stood up after putting the cap on the rubbling alcohol. "Well…it looks like you'll will not be getting your ears pierced. Thankfully, Nnoitra here went first so I didn't have to wrestle you into the chair, Aaroniero."

"Yeah…" she replied from the bed where she was reading the room service menu. "That's great. Now can we just go to the party already? I don't like sitting around like this 'cause I know all of you are laughing at me."

"We have to put your make up on," Szayel grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bathroom mirror. "Then you can go. And you will need to broadcast your every movement to us while you are there. We cannot show up because Yammy, even though he's dumb, will recognize us." He pulled out the foundation and began to apply it to Aaroniero's face. "And if anything is to happen, get the hell out and we can lay low for a while. And stay still!"

"But you just poked me in the eye with that mascara what ever it is!"

"I did because you didn't stay still!" Szayel yelled back, frustrated already. "And if you don't freeze right now, I am going to stab this into the back of your skull!"

Half an hour later, Szayel finished with Aaroniero and sent her to Nnoitra for the hair. And after what took a fraction of the time, she was all ready to go.

"And," Szayel reminded Aaroniero as she climbed into the cab that was too easily hailed down. "Rudbornn will not be with you as he stands out too much and please, don't be stupid. I may still hate you a little for taking my place in the Espadas ages ago…but… things have changed."

"Will do!" Aaroniero saluted happily. She loved how much she was being appreciated. "And as for that slot… I'm kinda sorry. I thought you were worthy… But there were only ten numbers."

"Thanks." With that, Szayel shut the cab door and it took off down the road. As he walked back inside, the image of inside the cab took over his left eye. By the time that he reached the hotel room, Aaroniero was stuck in traffic. "Hey, Fishtank, what's going on."

"I'm just trying to get this cab to move." Came the reply that got a strange look from the driver. "And now, we are…" She glanced out the window. "Not moving."

"That sucks…" Szayel sat down in the chair by the window to watch Nnoitra watch T.v. With Telsa and Rudbornn who were both shocked by the existence of Reality shows. "What else is going on?"

"Not much. Just wondering what I should do about these heels. They really kill the feet."

"Wear them and then have Rudbornn give you a foot massage later."

"Really?" Aaroniero cried, Fracciones would do that for you?!

"Yes. I am sure he won't mind and do you…." Szayel's eyes focused in on Telsa who was still wearing… "Shit… get back here right now! Now!"

"Wha-Why?!" Aaroniero screamed, wondering for a moment if (he/she/it) was in desperate trouble or worse, growing a beard.

"Aaroniero you forgot. I mean, we forgot to-"

"Oh no!" She cried, realizing what was missing in her outfit. "The…"

"Yes! The idiot Soul Reaper's sword!" Szayel almost screamed back, but refrained himself. "Get the…Get out of the cab and get over here!"

"How?!"

"Use sindo!"

"Use sindo?!" Aaroniero could not believe this. Here she was in a cab and… "Why did you send me in a car in the first place then?!"

"Because! We don't want him to be suspico- Shit! We forgot to give you a watch to dampen your Riatsu! I have them-"

"Of course you did!" Aaroniero opened the cab door and climbed out into the rows of cars on the highway. "But we can't sindo use it in gigais!"

"Right!" Szayel cried, much to the annoyance of the T.V. Watchers who were about to see who was removed from the show. "Then, you are stuck in a pile of-"

"I can just walk!"

"Walk?!" Szayel screamed at her, "you said you hated walking in heels!"

"I do. That is why I will take them-"

"Don't take them off, Aaroniero! You need shoes in human Society! If you don't wear them, you will land in jail!"

"Geez…" Aaroniero straightened up after re-buckling her shoes. "Humans are so touchy…so… how…" She glanced around the mass of cabs and honking cars. "How do I get home?"

"No clue." Szayel sat back in the chair and sighed heavily. "I am…I am sorry about all of this mess."

"Well, it's not really your fault. I mean, every plan has a hitch." Aaroniero told him as she began to walk through the lines of cars in the direction that she came from. "If I can get to an exit, I can just catch another cab back to the hotel. We will figure this all out…Promise."

"You should say that…" Szayel muttered, just wanting to go to bed. He had been up all day. Eating, shopping and planning. "And next time… We will think this through a little more."

"Good idea." Aaroniero agreed, turning around to catch a mile marker sign of to her right. "I also wanted to say that…oddly enough… And against all odds, we've become kind a friends."

"When did you get that idea? We've been kinda friends for the past two months."

"Well…It's really nice. Even though you did kind of threatened to saw my heads open and gush all the brains out of them."

"Yes. I suppose so." Szayel agreed, "And well, that is what strange friends like us do."

"I suppose. And about that place in the Espada…I wanted to tell you that I did feel kinda guilty and all; even before you slammed me into a wall and ripped my stomach out."

"Nice to know." Szayel smiled, glad to hear this confession. "And second. It wasn't your stomach. I tore out one of your lungs."

"Pardon me!" Aaroniero laughed, finally making it to an exit ramp which she began to walk up. "I'm no scientist."

"Pardoned." Szayel watched a cab come to a screeching halt inches away from Aaroniero who had not even made it halfway up the exit ramp. "And I hate to say it…but there are some advantages to being a lady. Such as never having to yell for a cab."

"Very true." Aaroniero slid into the back seat and closed the door. "Driver. To this address using side streets and as fast as possible."

"You know…" Szayel blinked a few times after the cab took off down the road. "I am very glad I don't get carsick because watching this driver make left turns makes me feel a little sick."

"You're not the one in the cab." Aaroniero reminded him, her face a little green, but happy all the same. "And you're not th-" She grabbed the handle above the door. "That was close."

"Yes… it was." Szayel closed his eyes, "Can you just let me go now?"

"Um… I wish I could…but… I can't think right now."

"Wonderful." He said after Telsa asked why he was looking a little green in the face. "And… here we are…back home and- wow…um…everything is moving…"

"Yeah…" Aaroniero staggered around the driver's side to pay before staggering into the hotel. "I really don't feel well…"

"And I still have a headache." Szayel wished that the bag of ice hadn't melted. "And…ah…the elevator."

"Quite… peaceful… and…"

Szayel stood up as a knock was heard on the door. "Just a sec…" he swayed a little as he walked across the hotel room."And we are now home." He showed Aaroniero inside a moment later. "You can let me go now."

"Yeah, good idea." Aaroniero went straight over to the bed she was sharing with Telsa and Rudbornn and fell over. "Cab drivers are hired killers… I think."

"Agreed…" Szayel was ever so thankful as the close up image of the hotel blankets flickered out of his left eye. "And now… to bed."

* * *

Author's Note: According to the history in Bleach, Szayel was an Espada and then wasn't and then was re-instated. So, I came up with a wonderful story behind all of it. (Kinda.) Szayel was kicked out due to Aaroniero being in instated and then, in trade for helping Nnoitra rid of Neliel, got a place back. Which now that I think of it, the last part may have been from Memorias, by Emochromatic. A story from one of my favorites... Anyhow, so, inspiration was drawn from that story. (I cannot remember now how much of the story above is mine or not... So, it's inspired by that fan-fiction listed above with a few spruces from yours truly.)

Anyhow, I'm so tired... and so yeah... Must get to writing now.


	11. A Little Night Time Music

_Hey…_

_"Hey, Szayel!"_

He woke up with a jolt. "What…" He opened his eyes to found Nnoitra shaking him awake. "What is it?"

"It's horrible!" The Third Espada cried, reaching over to flick on the light on the nightstand between the beds.

"What is?" Szayel yawned, covering his face with his hands to block out the bright light. "Is… Is Blockhead back from the dead? We under attack?"

"Worse!" Aaroniero cried from where she was sitting up in bed between Telsa and Rubornn who had rings around their eyes. "You were snoring!"  
"And none of us have gotten any sleep!" Telsa added, pointing at the clock that read four in the morning. "Because every time we thought that we'd finally get to sleep, you'd snore!"

"Frickin' loud, I might add." Rudbornn said.

"Geez!" Szayel threw the blankets over his head in a huff. "Sorry I snore."

"You don't usually." Nnoitra pointed out, ripping the away the newly created tent. "What are you so stressed about?"

"Me?" Szayel peered up at Nnoitra's sleepy eyes. "Stressed? What makes you say that?"  
"Because you only snore when you are."

"…Really? That's hard to believe."

"It's fact." Aaroniero said, not happy at all by the lack of sleep she was getting tonight. "I can play back a recording If you want."

"What?!" Szayel sat up in bed, this time hitting Nnoitra in the head. "You recorded me while I slept?! What kind of creep are you?!"

"A tired one."

"That gives you no excu-"

"What are you stressed about?" Nnoitra brought the main question back around for another go. "You have to tell us, or we are going to force you to stay up with all of us."

Szayel rolled his eyes. "I would like to see you try that."

"We'll feed you an espresso." Telsa held up the room service menu he had been reading over and over for the past two hours to maybe lull himself to sleep.

"And I've tried coffee and it tastes worse than that soup. But we are going to make sure you down every last drop of it."  
"I see there is no way of just going back to sleep. Is there, Nnoitra?"

The Third Espada shook his head. "Nope. 'Fess up and then you can go to bed and we can hope you don't snore."

"We could smoother him with a pillow…" Rudbornn pointed out, just wanting some silence. "It's just a suggestion you know. He wouldn't die…So you…" Telsa moved just in time to avoid being hit by his head as it crashed onto the nearest pillow.

"Well…" Szayel slurred sleepily, wanting to just go to sleep. "I was thinking that… it's rather…Tia's fault we are now on mission impossible. We can't kill Yammy…he's stronger than the rest of us and that Soul Reaper…was easily ambushed by my idiot brother, Yylfordt. If he can be, then he must not be very strong… so, his sword will be useless on Yammy… and I mean… Kaien Shiba might be good but… Yammy knows that form and I just don't like being here and I want to go home and have Tia send Gloomy…and…. Also… Tia mention a Quincy…ages ago… Ishida something and I think… I want to find this thing and continue my research… but you see, when I think of my research, I want to cry because not done and so, I think that I should find this thing and use it, you know and I just…tired and I don't like los…what ever here…and I've just felt frustrated with life today… I went outside today and the sky was so nice… I wanna fly again… cause life on the ground is boring and I'm sleepy."

The other Arancarrs shared a look.

"That's a lot on your plate." Nnoitra muttered, taking Szayel by the shoulders and laying him back down on the bed before he fell over by himself. "And you are right… Tia has no clue what she was sending us to do."

"Is…" Aaroniero began, her minds slowly gaining speed as they thought. "It even possible to kill Yammy?"

"Maybe…" Szayel continued, half asleep. "I just thought that cause Kaien is a Soul Reaper and so… Kido. He'd know that… Right?"

"I don't know any spells!" Aaroniero liked the idea of him having the power to do Kido. "But…I'm a hollow!"

"There are people who are…what's the name…Soul Reapers with Hollow powers and they do… Cero."

"I think…" Telsa grinned at Nnoitra who was thinking the same thing. "I think you are on to something. And… If we can teach Aaroniero-sama high level Kido Spells, then…"

"He'll have no problems killing Yammy."

"But I wanna fly…" Szayel muttered, not comprehending the conversation. "Because walking is a pain… and besides, I look pretty… Don't I?"

"Yes." Nnoitra gently pulled the blankets back into place. "Very. Now, go to sleep and we wired and very tired people will continue to talk."

"Awe…Some.." Nnoitra watched Szayel close his eyes and less than two minutes later, was soundly asleep. "And now…" He gently poked Szayel to double check he was actually asleep. (And he was.) "Let us talk. So. We need to see if Kaien Shiba knows any Kido spells. Get out of bed Fishtank and get to work."

"Fine… fine…." Aaroniero climbed out of bed in her nightgown and slowly changed back to Kaien Shiba as he did. "And if you guys decide to laugh at my different anatomical features, I am going to make Szayel snore."

Telsa and Nnoitra raised an eyebrow. "How do you make someone snore?"

"Donno. But I do know it will happen." He said, not liking how the nightgown did not flatter his shape anymore. "Now…" He walked over to his small purple suitcase and pulled out his sword. "If I can use Kaien Shiba's Shikai… then…Maybe I can use kido spells."

"But…" Nnoitra yawned, rather envious of Rudbornn and Szayel who were actually getting rest. "We don't know any spells."

"Well…" Aaroniero closed his eyes and began to dig through the attic of his mind. "Maybe Kaien left some notes in the back of his mind. I know everything about him. His memories, his likes and dislikes… Can even tell you what undies he wore when he was attacked."

"Neat." Telsa laughed loudly, finding something funny in that sentence. "And… It must get crowded in your head, Aaroniero-sama."

"Very." The high-pitched voice cried. "I am so thankful for my Gigai…"

"It's neat…" The second voice said, "Because we, unlike you all can use some of our powers inside it. Like change our shape. Because were the last ones to get a Gigai from Urahara who created a gigai to our DNA."

"…Oh?" Nnoitra blinked. "Is that so?"

"Yes. We were the last ones to get a Gigai."

"And…" He glanced at his arm. "Urahara-san did do that with ours?"

"He didn't now that I recall… he just gave you a basic gigai that was for appearance." Aaroniero thought back to the conversation between Tia and the shopkeeper when he went into the be fitted for a Gigai. "He was going to fix to be like mine them, but Tia said no thanks."

"Damn!" Nnoitra yelled. If he and Szayel had a Gigai like Aaroniero's that was matched to their DNA, they may have not froze to death last winter because their natural resistance to the cold would have been able to work. It was so simple! "It's not fair!"

"Nnoitra-sama…" Telsa muttered, "I am sorry about…what ever it is."

"Thank you, Telsa. I am glad to have someone on my side."

"But you can still use some of your powers, no?" Aaroniero said, half of his mind reading Kaien Shiba's spell list. "Such as Bala and you have your strength.

"Yeah. We do. But those don't make the cold go away and it was a real pain to almost die in the cold and snow and if I ever get home, Tia is going to get a talking down to and…"

Aaroniero let the complaining go in one ear and out the other. What Nnoitra was complaining about was not his problem. In fact, he had no problem…"Bakudo-Nine…" He really loved Kaien Shiba… a few more gestures and… "Geki."

Nnoitra froze. His mouth half open, his arms talking and his eye narrowed.

Aaroniero grinned. It had worked! He had just froze Nnoitra with Kido that left a red glow around his frame. "This is…awesome!"

"AHH!" Telsa cried, fearing the worse. "What did you do to Master Nnoitra?!"

"Just froze him. I just said that!"

"Great! You've had your fun! Unfreeze him!"

"Ah…" Aaroniero paused, his mind searching through the Soul Reaper's memories. "I don't know if there is a way to-"

"What?!" Telsa ran over to the frozen one and began to shake him. "Wake up, Master Nnoitra! Can you hear me?!"

"Fix it." Aaroniero finished, wanting to crawl under the bed. "But.. I'm sure there is a way…. Somehow…Maybe…we should wake-"

"Don't wake Szayel up!" Telsa ordered, not wanting to have him freak out as well. "You'll just cause more panic!"

"How do we undo it?!" Aaroniero rushed over to see if maybe if he snapped his fingers it would break the spell. "And that didn't work! AHH! Telsa!" He grabbed the Fraccion by the shoulders and shook him. "Help me!"

"It's-not-my-"

"It is! Help me!" Aaroniero stopped shaking Telsa long enough for him to actually think. "I don't want to have to-"

"Espada-sama!" Telsa began, only to be jolted again. "I think you should sit down and think this over!"

"But I don't have time to sit!"

"You have to!" Telsa dragged Aaroniero over to the chair by the window and made him sit. "Now close your eyes and search through all of Kaien Shiba's memories! I cannot stand to see him frozen like that! It's…cruel!"

"Okay! Okay!" Aaroniero clamped his eyes shut and let his frantic minds drift into the memories. Telsa watched in silence for a good five minutes before sitting down in front of the chair to wait.

"I have it!" A voice screamed, waking him up suddenly. "We…"

"What?" Telsa opened his eyes to see sunlight coming through the window of the hotel room. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand that read eleven o'clock. "How do you reverse it! Poor Master Nnoitra! Stuck like that for…"

"We can fix it." Aaroniero climbed out of the chair to stand next to Nnoitra. "It simple." He held his right hand out and began to trace in the air. "All you have to do is the spell reversed… but don't say it backwards because it will make it worse. You have to do the gestures and then say… Bakudo-nine - Reverse."

Nnoitra flopped onto the floor with a thud.

"It was that simple?!" Telsa yelled, running over to make sure that Nnoitra was okay. "What took you so long to find it?!"

"Well…" Aaroniero really hated it.. He really did… "I had to sit through all of Kaien Shiba's years of Kido Academy… It's so boring I drifted off to sleep a few times. And then, had to pick back up and… learning Kido is so boring! But, the good news is that Kaien Shiba knows up to thirty-five in the two categories that I can't remember. One is restraining and the other is attack spells. So… yeah.. Do you know how many times this kid was sent to detention?!"

"No…" Nnoitra muttered, his whole body hurting as he climbed to his knees. "And I really hate you. I…I can't sleep with my eyes open, damn you!"

"Uh? What's going on?"

The three of them shared a long, long look… through all of the screaming, and yelling and panic… and now, they were just talking and….Szayel had to have just woken up.

Telsa and Nnoitra peered over the bed and sure enough, Szayel was awake.

"Hi?" He asked, not sure why all of them were staring at him. "What are you… three doing?"

"You…" Telsa tried out for size. "Didn't wake up at all last night…"

"Did you?" Aaroniero added, backing away nervously.

"Uh…I'm confused by what you mean… I didn't wake up at all…besides since you shook me awake that is."  
Telsa and Aaroniero grinned. No one was going to ever know what went on. It was their secret. No one had to know that Nnoitra was frozen by Kido the whole night, nor did they have to know of the screaming… "Nothing. It was just noisy outside."

"Yeah." Telsa walked over to the bathroom sink with his mug for a glass of water. "Just a lot of shooting and stuff… things that happen in the city…" Good thing the manager didn't hear the panic… or we would have been so busted.

"And so, um… want some…" Aaroniero skittered over to the closet and picked up the icky suitcase. "Suitcase breakfast?"

"Um…Not right now. Hungry. But we have Tia's Rations in Nnoitra's matched luggage." Szayel pointed to the smaller trunk of the two. "And I would like that right now, if you don't mind."

"Don't mind at all." Telsa replied with a long yawn. "Now, any idea what we should do?"

"First off..." Szayel threw back the covers and crawled out of bed to get ready for the day. "We need a plan a new plan to finish this mission and we have to double check where Yammy is. I'll do this after i'm dressed and all. Meanwhile, you all can get a few extra winks."

And so, Telsa and Aaroniero turned on the television too wired to try and get any sleep.

"This is a very strange show." Telsa muttered, memorized by the images on the screen. "I don't understand why there are these guys with beards living in a small wooden shack with guns. I don't get it."

"Neither do I." Aaroniero scratched his head trying to make sense of all of this. "What show is this anyhow?"

"Duck something." Tesla was glad he had a hole right through his head so that this...junk would not accumulate inside. "I can't understand a thing they are saying anyhow."

"Me too..." Aaroniero was to tired to try and decode this odd dialect. "Ah...I wanna go outside and sit at the beach and relax."

"And stare at girls..."

"No! That would be rude!" The Fifth Espada cried, offended. "And if you start drooling, I am going to have to slap you."

"What ever..." Telsa muttered, knowing the Nnoitra wouldn't let him get hurt. "Now, enjoy the actually comprehensive commercials."

* * *

Author's note: Yes... It is the show you are thinking of that Telsa and Aaroniero are watching. I personally don't watch it, but I thought it would be funny if thy did. I just watched a trailer and was like..."What the hell is this?!" Pardon me.


	12. The Sad Truth And Too Much Sun

"Yay!" Aaroniero danced down the beach between Szayel and Nnoitra who were hardly happy to be there. "Beach! Hot Swimsuits! Sun! SUN?! Ahhh!"

"Give me back my umbrella!" Szayel gasped as it was taken away from him by a panicked Espada. "I need that or I'm gonna burn!"

"Hey!"

He turned to see Nnoitra staring down at him. "You can walk in my shadow if you want if you don't want to walk in front of me."

"I'll walk in front." Szayel was not going to walk in any shadow but his own. "Thanks for the shade, doll."

"I'm gonna die!" Aaroniero screamed, putting the umbrella on the top of his head as he scuttled along the sand that was frankly too hot for its own good. "And...and I hate sun! Sun sucks!"

"But the sand is nice..." Nnoitra paused to take his shoes off so he could enjoy the sand beneath his feet. In Hueco Mundo, he did not have such a luxury as hollows constantly lurked underneath the white layer. "And this time, I am at no risk of getting my toes bitten off."

"Hah." Szayel snickered, pausing to take his own shoes off. "This actually reminds me of our first date. Interesting, no?"

A large grin crept across Nnoitra's face as the memory slid into his mind. "Yeah. It was."

"What I want to know..." Aaroniero whimpered, the sun still coming through the umbrella. "What di heck art we doing here?!"

"I hate to say this-"

"Don't Szayel! Don't! It'll be bad news and we will all be screwed for life! Ahh!"

"...you're right. We are all screwed." Szayel sighed heavily, wishing they could fly...but..."we don't have any identification and I did not bring my computer. Which is a real shame and going to make me do something I don't want to do, but I have to." He walked up to a large blanket that had everything on it. From a radio to a mess of floaty toys.

Szayel frowned, his shadow casing a cloud of darkness over the blanker. "Hello, Ned. We need your help."

Ned looked up from his cellphone and smiled. "Hey, Romeo! What do you need my help for?"

"You sound way to f-ing happy." Nnoitra pointed out, not liking Szayel's unknown plan. "For your own F-ing good."

Ned took a sip of his beer, rather shocked. "Rolled out of the wrong side of the bed, did we?"

"**** ********* *****!"

"And that's a yep." Ned muttered, glad his kids were all in the ocean playing Splash wars with their mother. "Why do you have such a foul mouth, Teresa? I should wash it out with soap for what you just said."

Szayel shivered as he felt a wave of anger ripple across him by the looming shadow.

"Well..." Nnoitra's voice was angry, and down right… pissed. "**** you, you ********* who has the ******* ******* nerve to scold me, you **********!"

"Honey." Szayel couldn't help but laugh. "You just used *********** twice. Where is your creativity."

"My ********* creativity ********* died when you ********* snored all ********* night."

"Whatever." Szayel turned back to Ned who was in shock over how Teresa used such language in public. And got away with it. "Ned. I want to ask you to take us to Las Vegas today."

Ned choked on his beer. "What?! Today?! Are you-"

"All expense paid trip." Szayel wanted to take this human by the neck and threaten him. But, he couldn't show his true nature. "And...we'll get you beer. Lots of it."

"But I have my wife and kids an-"

"They can come along." He was willing to do anything to get to where he wanted to go. Even if he had to put up with Ned's Lizard loving kids. "Okay? Car, half an hour?"

Ned sighed, setting his beer down. "And tell me why I should take you?"

"Because I said so." Szayel was not going to explain what was going on. "And because you would be the best friend in the world if you were so nice as to do this for me. I honestly wouldn't know how to repay you."

"Let me talk this over with my wife and we can see what we can do." Ned surrendered, realizing that Romeo wouldn't have asked unless he was in a real jam. "And I'll get back to you in five minutes."

"Thanks.. You are ever so…" _Gullible?_ Szayel loved how he could play on emotional weaknesses so easily. "Nice."

* * *

"What was that all about?!" Aaroniero cried as he sat down in the sand next to Szayel who was wearing a smile on his face. They were now all sitting a good hundred feet away from Ned in the midst of colorful beach towels and loud radios."I though you hated Ned!"

"I do!" Szayel replied, wishing it was easier to explain than it was. "But we need a ride. First off, while Telsa and you were watching television, I did some research on Yammy and discovered that yes, he does have a house in Beverly Hills. However it is not in use by him right now. He's in Las Vegas show in some theatre and we cannot take swords on a plane. And we can't go on a plane in general because we don't have IDs and we can't rent a car because-"

"Why don't we just steal a plane?" Nnoitra grouched, his arm around Szayel's shoulders. "It would be easy as heck."

"We cannot. I wish we could, but… there is too much secutrity and people with guns and-"

"Guns? You're scared of guns?!" Nnoitra had to laugh. "What kind of-"

"I am not scared of guns." Szayel cut him off, "I don't want Tia to have to pay Urahara-san to fix our bullet filled Gigais. I thought maybe it would spare all of us a screaming session if we were more careful with our Gigais and didn't get them damaged. Like when you landed on me when you tried to escape cooking duty. Third, we don't have a driver license."

"And…" Aaroniero glanced around the beach, not sure why humans enjoyed the sunlight so much. "How do you know that Ned has one?"

"Because…" Szayel dug in his pocket and pulled out a small card he held in the air. "I have it."

"How did you get that?!" Nnoitra gasped.

"Well… Let's just say that Telsa grabbed it for me just now because I asked him to do so this morning while you were in the shower."

"I see…" Nnoitra knew that Szayel was a genius all along. "I'm so glad you're mine."

Szayel smiled and gently kissed his face. "Me too. Now. We have to survive this trip-mainly the horrors of driving with Ned- and on the way, I will figure out a way to give us an edge when it comes to Yammy."

"But I already did!" Aaroniero blurted out before he could stop himself. "I can do Kido! I discovered it last night and I can use that on-"

"No." Szayel was impressed by his discovery, but it wasn't the way he wanted this to go. "We cannot attack him. We have to kill him while his back is turned. Just like… "

"Don't tell me you have a projector." Nnoitra muttered, a dark cloud settling over the group. "And as for that, it was my worst act of all time. But…like I care. What was done, was done."

* * *

Author's note: So much can be said for this chapter, I won't even begin. besides the fact that Aaroniero's line about Sun Sucks come in part to you by Last Holiday where it's snow, not sun. Anyhow, I am kind of wondering... who is the most gullible? Ned or Yylfordt?


	13. Beneath The Mask of Costumes

"Ulquiorra…" Orihime stood next to the window of their room, hours after the canned camera fun was over. "Do you think I did the right thing? I…I think I hurt Ishida and Chad-san feelings." She could not find it in her heart to stop replaying the events of the meeting in her mind. "I…"

"Don't fret over it." Ulquiorra advised, coming over to search for stars in the darkened sky. "What is done is done. It is for the better, I feel."  
Orihime turned on him. Her face livid with anger."How so?! I just turned away people I have known for years! An-"

He placed a finger on her lips. "Shh… It will be fine. Everything with be fixed. Humans cannot stay hurt for long and I, personally was insulted when the soul reapers stated you were to be a simple officer. Orihime… Sometimes, you need to take care of yourself. And you have been doing a wonderful job at doing so. You must realize that you deserve better. Not in friends as I could clearly see that those two human men care about you; but you deserve to be respected and deserve to be acknowledged for your actions."

Orihime wrapped her arms around Ulquiorra and began to cry.

"I did not expect you to react so…" He was not sure what to do. "Strongly."

"I.. I'm sorry! I… You… You're right." She wished she could stop, but all of these emotions were too much for her to keep inside. "I do… deserve everything. All of my life, I've tried to tell myself I don't because….It…It was my fault Sora died! We got in a fight and… If he hadn't been so stressed, maybe he wouldn't have gotten into that car crash. I … I blamed myself all of these years and I thought, since I wasn't a good enough sister, I didn't deserve to be happy. Or anything and…just serve someone to pay my debt in life. And you're right! Sora wants nothing for me to be happy. He… He told me that and…so I'm gonna do that."

"Be happy?" Ulquiorra winced, finding all this crying a little awkward. "Good. Now, can you please not- never mind… Cry all you want."

"Ulquiorra!" Orihime's sweet laugh rang through the room. "You are so funny sometimes."

"…Great?"

More laughter echoed in the room a second later.

* * *

"What should I do?" Yylfordt Granz asked his reflection that morning as he got dressed for the day. "Should I be… Barbie? Or should I be Little Bo Peep?"

"Why don't just you be you?" Ciricci asked, walking over to the bathroom mirror to put on her make-up.

"Because, I, Yylfordt Granz is boring." He frowned at his reflection, hating it.

"How so?" his girlfriend inquired, never hearing this before. "I find him rather interesting and I would kind of like to go out with him. Not Barbie."

"Well, I like to be Barbie because it's not me." Yylfordt need to dress up to hide his face from the world. "If you don't like it, then you can go find some other Arancarr."

"Wow…" Ciricci rolled her violet eyes. "Like I'd ever do that, hun. You are my baby doll after all. And besides…" She reached over and brushed his messy blond hair out of his face to reveal his brown eyes and masculine features. (Save the nose.). "What's so bad about this handsome man I see in front of me?"

"Lots." Yylfordt confessed, putting his hair back the way it was supposed to be. "And I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to decide who I should be today. It makes life easier when I lose myself."

Ciricci put down her make up brush on the white counter and wrapped her arm around his waist. "I don't think so. I think it just makes it harder for you to be you. And today, I'm banning you from dressing up. You need to face what ever is on your mind."

"A lot is on my mind that I want to forget."

"The sad truth, you can't forget. Been there, tried that. It doesn't work."

"I hate how you say that…" Yylfordt muttered, turning his face away from the mirror.

"Glad you do." Ciricci wasn't going to sit by and let him get away with this. It was time to dish a bucket load of tough love. "Tell me what's on your mind all the time."

"It's not on-"

"It is." How could she miss how his eyes always seemed distant and trapped in the past. "I can tell."

"Not right now." Yylfordt snapped, brushing her hand off his shoulder. "I need to get ready for the day and since you don't want me to dress up, I am going to have to find something suitable to wear." Like a paper bag over my head.

"Fine enough, dear." Ciricci turned back to her make up, letting him have a little space to himself while he went to search for something normal to wear. "And please, this time…don't dress up in Lederhosen. That still counts as a costume, Yylfordt."

She heard a muffled curse come from the closet full of clothes. "And wigs do count." Another curse. "And heels." Yet another. "Just tell me why you don't like being you!"

"No!" Yylfordt wandered into the back of his closet where he kept a small collection of normal white clothes to wear when needed. (Aizen never liked it when he came dressed up for some reason. It gave him the creeps supposedly.) He stared at the small rack of 'acceptable clothing' and began to sort through it. "Not. This…." He tossed a white robe over his shoulder. "Not this…'" A dress…"Not…Why do I have to be myself?" He threw the last piece off the rack and sank to his knees in the sea of clothes he created. "I… I don't want to me. I… can't be me… don't you see, Ciricci?!"

"You can." She appeared before him, a cross look on her face and compassion in her eyes. "You just don't want to be."

"I… can't be." He hardly cared that his freshly clean hair was becoming stained with tears. "I don't want be…I…want to be someone else."

Circci bent down and joined him on the floor. "I just want to know why. Ever since I've met you, I have hardly seen any of you."

"You…" Yylfordt looked away as she tried to make their eyes meet. "You don't want to. It's better if you like the 'me' I've created. Yes… I have. I created a me."

"And let me guess, hun…" She sighed, "This is, you, you."

"Yes. It is. I'm not…crazy. Or ridiculous like I pretend to be. So, in short… I'm a fraud who you fell in love with."

"Darlin' I'm not all I crack up to be, either." Ciricci tried her best to smile. "I'm not a country gal. I wanna be.. But I'm not and I have many a thing I wish to forget as well. That's why I have a hole right through me, hun. You too. It's the regrets and pain we feel that create it. So, I understand. But you need to stop hiding behind clothes and crazy antics."

"I..I don't want to." Yylfordt's voice came as only a whisper. "If I do, then…I'll have to…"

"Face the past? It ain't that bad. Now, why don't I help you fin-"

"But it's not!" He cried. Wishing that he could have just made his mind up about what he wanted to wear that day with out talking out loud. "For you it might be easy, yes. But, I…"

"I…what?" Ciricci was so close, she could almost hear his next words. "What did you do?"

"…I… destroyed my family."


	14. B-I-N-G-O

"I…hate you…" Aaroniero muttered to Szayel as he climbed into the backseat of the grey minivan with the two evil children who intent on sitting in the next to him. Somehow, Taylor and Aaron (the II) found him cool after he said something or another. He wasn't sure what he said, but it made the worse happen. "I really do…hate you... so much..."

"Sorry." Szayel was not in the happiest mood either. He had to sit in the bucket seat next to Nnoitra that betweenthe passenger's seat and the backseats. There was nothing worse than being a part of a human sandwich. "It's only four hours."

"Four hours of hell…" Aaroniero grouched, climbing in to the backseat where the two annoying kids insisted he sit in the middle. "At least…"

He glanced at the row in front of him where Mlinda was sitting. "She gets her own row."

"Wait for it…" Nnoitra bet that she was going to be joining Aaroniero in the next half hour. He winced as he watched Telsa and Rudbornn squeeze into the trunk with all of the luggage. (The Talking Suitcase was in Nnoitra's black trunk with the industrial hairdryer and the swords.) "Now, Aaron-Oh!That has to…"

"I'm okay, Master Nnoitra!" Telsa winced, his foot crushed in the trunk door. "I'll be fine… Rubornn can save me!"

"Now…" Nnoitra couldn't help but worry a little as he sat down in his seat and buckled up. The only upside about the trip so far was the fact he didn't have to sit next to the little brat who thought he was a pirate. "We ready?"

"Yep!" Christy climbed into the passenger's seat and closed the door. She was so excited; who would have known that she'd get to see Las Vegas too! "Are we all buckled up?"

A chorus of 'yes' and groans met her ears.

_I really don't like this…_ Aaroniero messed with his seat belt that was horribly uncomfortable. _Its so strange…_

"Good!" Christy smiled and sat back in her own seat as Ned got in the driver's seat. "And honey, I want to drive at some point here."

"Noted." Ned put the key in and started the car. "And now… off to Las Vegas! We have a fun four hours ahead of us! And no map!"

"What?!" Szayel cried, wanting out of the car this moment. "You didn't bring a map?!"

"Why do we need one?" Ned asked, turning out of the parking lot into the street. "We have a GPS and who needs to get there in a hurry. Why don't we take our time to-"

"But we need to-"

"Hey, I'm doing this as a favor to you." Ned pointed out, making another turn. "I want to enjoy the trip a little okay?'

Szayel crossed his arms and sat back in his seat. "Fine…."

"Cheer up." Christy told Romeo who did not seem pleased at all by an adventure. "We have a lot of fun things planned along the way that all of us will enjoy."

"Right…" Nnoitra shared a long sigh with Szayel. "That's great."

"Mommy?" Mlinda asked once they were on the highway ten minutes later. "Can we have some music? I want something to listen to while I color."

"Sure thing." Christy opened up the glove box and pulled out a CD that she slipped into the player.

"Hello everyone!" A cheerful voice of a dinosaur came through the speakers, making Taylor and Aaron II groan loudly. "It's me! And now it's time for some kids songs! Now, lets all sing and have fun!_ There was a farmer who had a dog, and Bingo was his name-o…_"

Szayel wanted out of that car. He'd rather die than listen to this- "What is this?!" He cried, seeing Nnoitra look like he was about to cry.

"_B-I-N-G-O!_" Aaroniero sang in Szayel's ear, leaning over the rows of seats as best as he could. "_We hate you! And Bingo was his name-o!_"

"Shut up!" Szayel screamed, shoving Aaroniero away, sending him tumbling back into his seat.

"Now, kids…" Ned tisked from the front seat. "What did I say about the words, Shut up? It's not very nice to say."

"We know, Dad." Taylor grinned at Aaronieiro who grinned back. It was so much fun to annoy Romeo and Teresa. "Now, A. What should we do?" Since she had a brother name Aaron, she just used A. For the second one.

"Nothing more right now…" Aaroniero caught the tears of pain glimmering in Nnoitra's eyes before glanced behind him to see Telsa crying in his master's stead. "We don't want to get them too worked up… Wait a while. And while we are, we can come up with something genius."

"If you even think of trying to annoy me farther." Szayel casually drew his hand across his neck. "Is that clear?"

"Yeah..." Aaroniero sat back in his seat and fell silent. He wasn't going to risk having Szayel snap in such a small place. The Fourth Espada had no qualms when it came to killing. In fact, he might not leave any survivors in this situation.

"Okay…" Aaroniero turned to the kids he was sitting between. "So, what did you guys bring to do?"

Taylor held up her ipod. "Music."

Aaron II held up ear plugs and a large book. "Lizards."

"Where?!" Szayel cried, immediately taking his feet off the floor of the car.

"No where!" Aaron II laughed, "I just was showing A. here, my book on lizards. There are none in the car."

"Do you two have a phobia of Lizards or something?" Taylor noted, seeing Theresa also had his feet off the floor.

"Yes." Szayel told them, not caring what they thought. "I do. And Theresa over there, doesn't like them either."

"Why?" Ned spoke from the front of the car.

"Because… they…" _They like to eat Butterflies and Preying Mantises?_ Hm? "They are just… weird and scary."

"They don't-"

"They bite." Aaron II told A. in a matter-of-fact tone. "But who cares!? They're so cute!"

"Cute my foot!" Szayel yelled back, "They are vicious creatures who should all die!"

Only music was to be heard in the car.

"Um…" Aaroniero mentally sighed. He was going to have to clean up this mess too. "He doesn't really mean it… He just really hates lizards because he does. I don't know exactly why…but, it's best not to try and get him to like them. Okay, little me?"

Aaron II frowned and closed his large book. "Fine… But why not? Lizards aren't dangerous."

"I know…" Aaroniero felt a little sorry for this kid. He would never understand that as a butterfly, Szayel was naturally inclined to hate lizards and other predatory animals to his kind. "Let's not push our luck, okay?"

Aaron II nodded and was looking through his book, once again, in silence.

* * *

"So that's how it is…" Ciricci whispered, wrapping Yylfordt in her arms. "I see. It's over know…. Why don't we get dressed and go do something fun like make some cookies in the kitchen."

"…That…that sounds stupid." Yylfordt had been forced into the darkness of his mind and wasn't about to come out of it by the small act of baking. "And you're the one who put me here."

"Sorry." Ciricci didn't know that she would get this kind of result. She thought he was being petty and not wanting to acknowledge his few superficial flaws. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't think so." He took a deep breath and slowly stood on his feet in the mess he created. "I just have to live with it. Taking everything one day at a time."

"Why don't we go make something for fun." Cricci suggested, beginning to pick pieces of clothes off the floor. "And…You… you can be who ever you want to be."

Yylfordt shook his head. "I think that… I should be myself today…because it's how I feel."

"Fine with me, honey…" After she finished cleaning up the mess, the two of them slowly made their way to the kitchen to make some kind of treat. The kitchen was small and clean. It had a large fridge, a few counters with a table in the middle of room along with a stove that hardly used as the majority of Hollows didn't like cooked meat. "What should we make?" She asked Yylfordt who sat down in the small chair at the table. "It should be something…yummy."

"I don't want cookies." He mumbled, lost in his own little world.

"All right." Circci put the cookbook back on the dusty shelf and pulled out a different one. "How about a cake?"

"No."

"Muffins."

"No."

"Tarts."

"No."

Circci wondered what she had done. Yylfordt was now more gloomy than Eeyore and didn't speak in full sentences. "Okay… How about we go for a walk in the garden, then?"

"The garden's dead. Just sand."

"I know. How about we go sneak into Aaroniero's room and play some video games?"

"No."

"Um… we could go wake up Grimmjow with a feather and make him sneeze?"

"No."

"We could go see what Dordoni is doing and see if he wants to play some cards…"

"No."

"Do you even know who Dordoni is?" Circci hoped Yylfordt had not lost his memory somewhere between his room and the kitchen.

"Yes." He replied, not wanting to talk very much. "I do. Tall guy. Looks like a devil and is one of Privaion Espadas like yourself. And he's evil."

"Awe…" Circci laughed, "Donni's not evil. You two just don't get along as well as you'd like. I think that he just hates the fact that Szayelaporro-Sama's your brother and takes it out on you."

"Gladly trade…" Yylfordt would give anything to sell his brother who hated his guts. "Does he have twenty-five Pesos?" If he was going to sell, he had to make a profit, no? Since Szayel was worth −18,383 Pesos he would make quite a large profit at 25. "I'm willing to sell."

"Honey… " Ciricci sighed, remembering the time that Yylfordt took a sleeping Szayel into the hallway and put a price tag on him. Hoping to pawn him off for good. The plan half worked as Szayel was sold….but… to Nnoitra who didn't pay and hit Yylfordt over the head with the cash box. "Don't try that again, okay, hun?"

"What you want…" Yylfordt stood up and walked into the hallway. "Let's go see Donni what's his long name is."

* * *

"And what is with you?" Doroni looked up from his chess game he was playing to see Circci standing next to a normally dressed Yylfordt who looked like he'd been run over by an emotional train. "You're not…"

"I'm not dressed up. I'm being me today." Yylfordt summed up, walking over to sit across the chess table from Doroni. "Ciricci thought we could all have something fun."

"You can join me in my game of chess if you want. Or is it too simple now that Szayel-dono taught you how to win every time?"

"Don't start with that monster."

Doroni jumped, never hearing such simple and cold words come out of Yylfordt's mouth. "Is…" He looked at Ciricci who was standing in the corner of the room. "Okay?"

"Yes and no." She replied, picking up a book. "That, right there is the actual Yylfordt Granz."

Doroni blinked. What was this? He looked at Yylfordt who seemed to….give him creepy vibes. "What do you… mean?"

"I'm me." Yylfordt said, not wanting to be here any longer. "I am not dressed up to be someone else."

"But… you are dressed just as you usually are. In white and-

"What if I told you…" He leaned across the chess board towards the Privion Espada. "I dressed up as myself? I, Yylfordt Granz, dressed up as Yylfordt Granz the ridiculous Numero who dressed up as other people? And today… I'm just who I am. Shocking, yes… and real. If you don't understand anything I am saying, then you are a idiot."

"Circci…Has he gone…" Doroni made a gesture. "Nuts? I know that Szayel-dono's nuts.. But… him?" He pointed at Yylfordt who sat back down in his chair.

"It's just who Yylfordt is." She replied, "and we wanted to come see if you were up for a board game or something."

"Interesting…" Doroni wanted to know more. "So… Who are you now?"

Ciricci and Yylfordt buried their faces in their hands.

* * *

Author's Note: Aaroniero's nickname of: A. comes from my avid Reviewer, Spottedowl. Hope you don't mind I used it. :)

I love the image of Nnoitra picking Szayel up and then, smashing the cash box over Yylfordt's head. ("What kind of crappy brother are you?! Should should be ashamed of yourself!") and yes, I think Madness does run in the family to an extent.


	15. Two Brilliant Plans

"….Are we there yet?" Szayel groaned, an hour of children's music later. There was only so much_ B-I-N-G-O_ and _The Wheels on the Bus Go Around,_ he could take.

Ned glanced at his handy-dandy GPS, and grinned, "Nope. Not yet."

"But…" Nnoitra just wanted to get out of this damn car already. "How soon will we be there?"

"Not for another two and half hours. Those five rest stop-stops added a bit of time to our trip."

"Aw…" Aaroniero sighed and leaned his face on the window, letting his lips and nose get all smooshed on the glass. "And why couldn't we fly?"

"Because…" Szayel moaned, "The world hates me. That's why."

"That sucks…" Aaroniero would have taken a flying ride with Szayel the Butterfly any day. But no. They had to drive because Szayel had to have lost his ability to fly at all. "But it makes me feel better in a really strange way. Because, I'm not you."

"You're so mean…" Szayel tore his eyes away from the sky where the clouds over head were laughing at him.

* * *

"So…" Tia smiled as she listened to the person on the other end of the phone. "You want to have meeting to discuss Yumichkia? Yes…" Finally, someone had the mind to call from Soul Society. So the single telephone line that Grimmjow secretly attached to the Soul Reapers lines and through the Garganta, under the sands of Heuco Mundo and into the place, payed off.

"What? You…." Tia couldn't believe what she was hearing. Although it wasn't un-heard of."You want one of us to keep in Soul Society as leverage? So… You want to trade in a way… but not… you are making no sense…Torisho?" Tia paused, listening to the captain talk. "And how old are you? Oh… I see. Why do you sound like a kid then? Oh. I see. Okay. I am not sending an Arancarr- What?!" She screamed, falling backwards in her chair, only to be saved by Grimmjow who was in her room with her at the time.

"Geez.." He muttered and set her and her chair upright again. "Be more careful will you?"

"You want to invade us over-" Grimmjow put his hands on her shoulders and began to massage them.

"Over Yumich- But you won't if we give you someone to hold as leverage?" Tia hated politics…especially those of kidnapping. They made no sense at all. "All right. Fine. I will send one. And one only. And no- none of the Espada will be subject to selection. Yes. I am glad I got through to you. Good day, Captain."

"I am so sorry you are stressed." Grimmjow apologized after she hung up the phone. "I wish there was something I could do for you."

"Grimmjow, I don't think there-ow! What are you doing?!"

"Giving you a massage." He replied, taking his hands off her shoulders.

"Ah… I see." Tia pushed her chair away from her make-up table and stood up. "I don't really have time for one right now. Maybe later, Grimmjow?"

He glanced over his shoulder at the clock on her nightstand. A massage would only take five minutes, but…"All right. I will see you later."

"You too. And if you need anything…" She walked towards the doorway with out a second thought, "just call for Mel-Rose. She'll let me know if you need something."

"Ah…" Grimmjow reached a hand out to catch her arm, but he missed by an inch. And the door slammed shut a second later. "Ah…" He glanced around Tia's empty room and sighed… She left him all to himself…and without a kiss. Ah… Life wasn't too sweet…but…Tia was stressed and…well…

"Why are you so gloomy?'

Grimmjow spun around to see Ulquiorra standing behind him. "How did you get in here?!"

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes and pointed to the open window behind him, "Through the window, kitty."

"I can see that! But-"

"She left you without a kiss." His friend/enemy got right to the point.

Grimmjow looked down at the floor, not sure what to think. Tia had been so…distant since they returned from the Human World. "Yeah, buddy…she did. And how is…Your gal?"

"Fine. A little upset, understandably." Ulquiorra sat down on the floor and began to tell Grimmjow all about what happened at the meeting in Soul Society yesterday. "And so…She kind of wants to take one of the three open places in the Espada. At first, I honestly laughed…well.. Not laughed. Twitched a smile… then, I realized… why not? Orihime is talented and we should not be as discriminating as the Soul Reapers. No?"

"True…" Grimmjow liked the way Ulquiorra thought at times. "And…I hope you want me to train her. I…miss teaching and-"

"You're a genius!" Ulquiorra cried, leaping to his feet. "I was thinking I could train her, but I don't have much time and-"

"It's a deal then?" Grimmjow stuck his hand out. "And in exchange, you talk Tia into taking a night off so I can take her to dinner and have a little romance after."

Ulquiorra liked this. He liked this deal very much, actually. "Yes. I will. And do you want candles?"

"Yes. Lots and lots of candles on the dinner table."

"Deal."

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra shook hands.

* * *

"AHHH! Nnoitra!"

"What is-HOLY-"

"Hahahaa!" Aaroniero laughed seeing Szayel and Nnoitra panic as the small lizard jumped over their heads. "That was so funny! AHahaaa!"

"Yeah!" Aaron II was doubled over in his seat while Taylor filmed the incident with her phone.

The three of them had been silently hatching a plan for the last half an hour on Taylor's ipad. So, at the next rest stop, as Mlinda always needed a stop every half an hour, they picked up a stray and very small lizard.

Of which, Aaroniero let loose inside the car once they were in the middle of nowhere.

And nowhere was where Szayel jumped out of the car.

Followed by Nnoitra who slid the van door on his side open and jumped onto the (thankfully, clear) road.

"What the hell were you thinking, Aaroniero!" Nnoitra screamed at the back of the van as it speed off down the highway without him. "Get back here! Get back here, you fat, bearded bitch!"

Aaroniero climbed up the bucket seat on the left and stuck his head out the side of the car. A manic grin spread across Kaien Shiba's face as he laughed.

"Ahahah! You should seen it! You jumped right out of the car and it was so funny! AHahahaaaa!"

"Damn you!" Szayel screamed as the car disappeared around the corner. "You little- I should chop you up for some sushi!"

"Szayel!" Nnoitra cried, too angry to move off the road. "You are failing at the insults! Leave them to me, damn it!"

"Fine! There! Insult them!" He pointed at the corner where the car was yet to be seen again. "Go on! What are you waiting for?!"

"Okay! Aaroniero! You are a-"

Szayel grabbed Nnoitra's arm and pulled him out of the way of a car as it sped around the other corner behind them. "Watch where your going, you bloody Twit!"

"Always with English insults…" Nnoitra laughed, glad to be saved and rather amused by Szayel who was standing in the middle of the road, fuming. "What is with it?"

Szayel spun around, upset by the whole matter at hand. "It's because I'm from England, you arse! And Ned, the bloody twit isn't coming back for us, because he didn't even notice what happened! And now! We have to walk all the way to Vegas and kill Yammy somehow and I just hate it here! I hate sand, I hate the sun, I hate this…this road! I want to go home, damn it!"

"Oye. Calm down…" Nnoitra was upset as well, but screaming wasn't going to help them at all. "We just have to walk."

"In…" Szayel gestured to his Gigai, "this?! You expect me to walk?! In this?! I don't want to walk anymore! I want to fly! I hate not being able to fly! It sucks! I hate you, Ulquiorra! You can fly, damn you! I don't- Hey! What did I say about carrying me over the shoulder?! I said, no! Put me down!"

"You said you didn't want to walk." Nnoitra reminded him, skipping down the road in the direction they were heading before. "And so, I though I might carry you."

"I suppose… but… come on!" Szayel felt more like luggage than a traveling companion. "Can you please not carry me over the shoulder? And don't skip, will you?!"

"It's easier this way." Nnoitra replied, surveying his surrounds which were only that of flat ground, orange sand and a blue sky. "And-"

"Nnoitra!" Szayel cried, his head bouncing up and down as Nnoitra moved. "I am not feeling very well and all I've eaten to day is Lumina's arm!"

Nnoitra froze, mid-skip. He didn't want to be covered in purple goo. That was final. "Ah…okay! But you still don't have to walk." He moved Szayel from his shoulders to his arms.

"Why thank you…" Szayel settled happily into them, a grin on his face. "You know…You're really cute."

"What?" Nnoitra raised an eyebrow hearing this. What in the world was he talking about?! "Me?" He pointed to his face. "This, Cute?!"

"Hey, hey, you don't have to yell at me. It was just an observation." Szayel muttered, loving the way the breeze was causing Nnoitra's long black hair to move. "Besides, you are rather adorable."

"Geez!" Nnoitra cried, annoyed by this conversation already. "Why do you keep saying that I'm cute like some kind of…cute?!"

"Because!" Szayel laughed at his face as it became sightly red, "It makes you blush all cute! And I can't help myself! I just love you!"  
"Don't love me so much! I don't like blushing!"

"Oh… Nnoitra… you ruined my fun!"

"I don't care!" he cried, wanting to just drop Szayel in the sand of the desert they were now walking through. After realizing that the road might not be the best means of travel as cars seemed to appear out of nowhere, Nnoitra decided to take his own path. "Stop grinning at me like that!"

"Why?" Szayel studied the white small clouds hanging over head, slowly categorizing them. "Because you find it attractive?"

"…Yeah!"

"Nnoitra… why must you insist on yelling all the time?"

Szayel watched his face turn a deeper shade of red. "Because… I don't wanna blush, damn you!"

"Ah…" Szayel laughed a little, "but there was nothing wrong with blushing at all. It is a natural reaction that causes the blood to rush to your face and-"  
"I know that! I'm not stupid!"

"True." After this, the two of them fell silent for a while until Szayel noted, "why do I keep thinking of our first date?"

"Because…" Nnoitra wished he had something to drink. It was too hot out here in the desert for it to be funny. At least Heuco Mundo was cold all the time. "You're weird."

"Nah…I think it was because it involved sand."

"Only because you didn't lock the door!" It took forever to get that sand out of his hair. Weeks. Months of daily showers. And many more bottles of shampoo.

"Well, it wasn't my fault!" Szayel wanted to remind him of what really happened. "You were leaving and were halfway through the front door and I ended up kissing you because I wanted to."

"Then…" Nnoitra let out a long sigh, staring up at the clear blue sky. "Then, and this will always be a mystery, the door that I thought was shut opened behind me as we kissed and we both fell right out into the sand."

"Yep. That's what happened." Szayel nudged the story in the right direction. "At least I had something soft to land on."

"Soft?! It was me, you squashed! I swear that was the most awkward kiss I've ever had!"

"Ever?" Szayel asked. "Did you go out with someone else before?"

"No, I didn't. I just recall that is the weirdest day in history." Nnoitra stopped walking and set Szayel on his feet, "I can't carry you much longer with how hot it is."

"Understandable." Szayel bent down and touched his toes, feeling rather stiff from being carried for the last hour. "Thank you for taking me this far."

"Think nothing. If I were not wearing this Gigai, it would be no problem. The muscles just got a little tired. So… yeah… That was the weirdest day of my life."

Szayel gave Nnoitra a look over the rims of his glasses. "I don't really like how you equate me with the word 'weird.'"

"But it's true!" Nnoitra argued, stretching a little himself. They were up for a very, very long walk. "It was weird."

"You keep saying that! Why?!" Szayel cried, not liking the way it was said.

"Because… we didn't really go on a date…We skipped the movies… the dinners, flowers and went right to bed."

"Yes…" Szayel scratched his head, peering at the position of the sun to check their exact location. "It was kind of…strange, now that you say that. But, in our defense as it was kind of both of our faults… There isn't much to do in Heuco Mundo and both of us were hit by a magic whirlwind and…well… It just kind of turned out that way."

"And we knew each other maybe a little too well by then." Nnoitra added as if he were trying to plead a case in court. "And we both kinda got carried away and… I suppose there is nothing else to say beside, it was…a lot of fun."

"Nope." Szayel shook his head, "Not in the sand."

"Hell no!" Nnoitra cried, not believing that he would think such a thing. "Are you some weirdo?!"

"Thankfully not." Came the reply. "Now, lets get to Vegas as soon as possible. I don't want to spend the night out here in the dark in a strange desert where something could eat me right up."

* * *

Author's Note: This is one of my favorite chapters ever. And on the note of Romance, there will be nothing above the PG-13 level at all. So, nothing of the fruit variety. And I love Grimmjow and Ulquiorra... they are just great. They hate eachother, but get a long somehow. Magically.


	16. Frankly My Dear

"And what?" Yylfordt wasn't sure what Lady Harribel just told him. Thankfully, she saved him from playing chess with Donori who was very confused about the 'Yylfordt Granz' was actually Yylfordt Granz disguised as 'Yylfordt Granz'. "Did you say you want me to go…to…Soul Society?"

"Yes. For the time being." Tia replied, not thinking of anyone else sane enough to do the task. Even though Yyfordt danced around in various costumes, she soon realized that he was one of the more sane Numeroes, like Telsa. Sadly, Nnoitra would never let her send Telsa to Soul Society and if she sent Yylfordt, part of her debt to Szayel was payed off.

Well, to be honest with herself, she did not really owe him anything as she considered what he did to give her the Hirugoyku repayment of a life-debt. But figured she should flatter his, 'Big Ass I Owe You' demand. "I promise to collect you from Soul Society once I figure this out."

"But…Why do they want someone?" Yylfordt still didn't get it.

"They want one of us to hold onto to make sure that we return him." She nodded in Yumchika's direction. He was standing on the ground next to the throne, Mel-Rose keeping an eye on him. "Which I understand and I-"

"What will they do if we don't send someone?" Yylfordt didn't want to leave Ciricci.

"Well…" Tia sat back in the throne and sighed. "That is where my hands are tied. If we don't send someone, they will invade us and I don't want that to happen."

"…When do I leave?"

"Please, pack your bags and return within the hour."

"Can…I bring my girlfriend?" Yylfordt hoped that the Soul Reapers wouldn't mind a second 'hostage'.

"No. Ciricci is unbalanced and is liable to start a fight. As much as I wish to send her with you, I cannot."

"Oh…Okay…" Yylfordt bowed deeply and turned to leave. "But can I call her on the phone?"

"Granz, we are not supposed to have a phone…but I am sure that when Aaroniero returns, he will let the two of you talk."

"And… Lady Harribel, why do you address me as Granz and my brother by his first name?"  
Tia frowned a little. It was a valid question, but she didn't really want to hurt his feelings. "Unfortunately, I do not know you as well as I do Szayel. I hope to get to know all of my subjects better in the time to come, however."

"I will go pack then." Yylfordt disappeared from the throne room just as Ulquiorra walked in with his clipboard. "So, you decided to send Granz, did you?"

"Yes." Tia replied, satisfied with her choice. "I did. Now, what may I do for you, Ulquiorra?"

"I was looking over the…" He glanced down at his notes, "I see that you have an appointment in the dinning room later this-"

"Ulquiorra. I don't have time to meet Grimmjow right now." Tia snapped, scowling down at the First Espada. "I am too busy and I know he and you mean well by trying to get me to relax, but I have to go deliver Soul Society, Granz. So if you don't mind…just get on with the ration list. Who was in need of food today and who was food today?"

Ulquiorra sighed and began his report, not wanting to tell Grimmjow that their plan failed.

* * *

"So." Grimmjow grinned at Orihime who was giving him a weird look from the student desk she was forced to sit in for this lecture. "Explain your power."

"Um…Grimmjow, can I just stand up?"

"…Okay… " He sighed, seeing that Orihime wasn't liking his teaching style. "Please explain your powers in detail, would you?"

"I.. I don't know that much about it…" She honestly admitted, activating her power to reveal her small fairy friends who were excited about training. "Them."

"Holy- They're fairies!" Grimmjow cried, jumped away from the six floating things. "Okay! We can deal with that!"

"Well…" Orihime looked at Lilly who laughed at her. "She'll explain."

"Of course." Lilly flew up and perched on Grimmjow's nose, making him flinch. "Miss Orihime's power controlled by her heart and becomes stronger along with it; depending on how much she cares for someone. She can also heal injuries and use Tsbasuki to attack opponents. And as if right now, her powers are still growing. Just like we are!"

"Can you get off my nose?" Grimmjow asked as nicely as possible. "You're gonna make me sneeze."

"Sure thing!" Lilly took off and flitted over to Orihime. "Now, we want to show you what we can do."

Grimmjow looked around the small room, "Where?"

"Why don't we go Hollow hunting?!" Orihime cried, running over to the door and throwing it open to reveal the empty hallway beyond. "It would be fun!"

"Hol…Hollow hunting?" Grimmjow wasn't going to try and hold her back, but maybe she was rushing into-

Orihime is talented… Ulquiorra's voice reminded him.

"Yeah…Yeah…" Grimmjow frowned and followed the young woman into the hallway. "We need to go ask Tia first and we can go hollow hunting after that. And if something happens, I'll be right-"

"I don't need you to step in!" Orihime turned on him angrily, causing him to falter. "I can fight my own fights!"

"Yes…" Grimmjow held his next words inside. "You can. Shall we go then?"

Orihime smiled sweetly before spinning around to continue down the hallway, singing.

* * *

"Lady Harribel…." Yylfordt staggered into the throne room forty-five minutes later; a small suitcase in hand and Ciricci hanging onto his neck. "She doesn't understand…"

Tia sat forwards in her throne to stare down the two of them, "Sanderwicci, let Granz go. You may not come with him."

"Awe, darlin'…." Ciricci drawled, making her eyes as large and cute as possible. "I can't leave my brave Cowboy!"

"Sanderwicci." Tia wanted to get this trade over as fast as possible. "We understand. However, you may not come with him."

"But why, hun?"

"I do not wish to discuss details at the present time." Tia snapped, growing ever impatient with Ciricci. "Say your good-byes and leave."

"Awe…" Circci pouted, wrapping her arms tighter around Yylfordt's neck. "I don't wanna say farewell…I'll miss my man. Anyhow, I 'oppse I should bid him farewell….after all.." She corrected her statement seeing Tia glare down at her. "And…" Ciricci wrapped her arms around Yylfordt's waist and kissed him, almost dropping him on the floor. "Hun… I'll miss ya."

"I'll miss you too." He kissed her back, savoring the moment. "Little Darlin'."

"Awe… You are so kind, Rhet!"

"Are you two done kissing yet?" Tia grouched, just wanting to get this mess over with.

"No." Yylfordt told her, kissing Ciricci again. "And frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

Tia rolled her eyes. Could this get any worse or take any longer?

* * *

Author's Note: Yep. It just happened. And all will be explained when it comes to Tia's non-existent debt to Szayel. I promise.


	17. I Don't Give a Damn! I'm Gonna Fly!

"Look!" Szayel cried, almost falling off of Nnoitra's shoulders. "Look over there!"

"Over-" Nnoitra's eye noticed something in the far distance he hadn't seen before. There, in the middle of the desert, was a large fence. One the other side of it were large…bugs? Was it? They had large colored wings and-

"Airplanes!" Szayel screamed, too excited to say thing more. After walking for a good fifty miles, his legs were through; so Nnoitra put him on his shoulders for the rest to the trip. "Flying!"

"You mean those things-"

"Yes!" Szayel had to get his hands on one of them. "And that is how we are going to get to Las Vegas!"

"Do you even know how to fly one of those things?!" Nnoitra was not going to fly in a plane that Szayel flew. He had seen his flying skills and they were scary.

"No! But that doesn't matter!" Szayel laughed, ecstatic over the idea of being in the sky once again. "They have to have instruction manuals! If not, I will just figure it out!"

"No!" Nnoitra was going to put his foot down. "I am not going to let you fly! We can walk!"

"No!" Szayel screamed happily. "I am not going to walk when I can fly! Take me over there, please!"

"Why?!"

"Because I said so!" Szayel yelled at him, not wanting to be argued with. They were taking a plane and that was final. "And if you are nice and do what I say, I will resist flying like I used to."

There was no way he was going to win this one. "Fine… Nnoitra sighed and the tall tower headed towards the airplanes in the distance. "But how are we going to get one?"

"Take one over." Szayel loved sitting on Nnoitra's shoulders. He could see everything from a 215 cm vantage point. "I thought about doing this with one at the airport, but…too much work and I don't want air going through the holes in my Gigai. And that…" He pointed at the small red plane that was closest to them. "Is a two-seater. And so, we won't have to share if Aaroniero comes back for us."

"If ever."

"Yes… I wonder if they even know if Szayelaporro-sama and Nnoitra-sama are missing."

Rudbornn stroked his chin in thought, staring out the back window of the trunk. "I don't think they have."

"At least my foot isn't stuck in the door anymore…" Telsa tried to look at the bright side to all of the events that unfolded in the last two hours. "But this road trip is taking way too long."

"Yes, it is…" Rudbornn agreed, wishing he had earplugs to block out the Children's music that was still playing. "They stopped for dinner for a whole hour and a half… take countless rest stops and…Ah…" He stared out of the window where the sun was beginning to set. "At least Aaroniero-sama got a good laugh."

"Yeah. At Szayelaporro-sama and Nnoitra-sama's expense…" Telsa muttered, still unhappy over the fact that they were no longer in the car. "I might add."

"I rather regret that…" Rudbornn told his fellow Fraccion. "And what is worse… We left them out in the desert. Do you think they will be all right?'

"All right?" Telsa scoffed, resisting a laugh. "They will be better than all right… Rud, you really don't know anything do you?"

"No particularly." He admitted, feeling rather ashamed to be so in the dark on the dynamics of the Espadas.

"If I may…" Telsa took a deep breath, "be frank?"

"Yes. Of course."

"And, I mean no disrespect as their names are really long, but from my observations, Szayel and Nnotira are the most dangerous pair in all of Heuco Mundo. They will be fine."

"But how can that be? Tia and-"

"Tia and Grimmjow are not the same." Telsa stated simply, taking his right shoe off to massage his foot again. "Yes, they are higher ranking and over all more powerful. And Ulquiorra and Orihime are quite a match, I may say… but when it comes down to it… Nnoitra-sama on his own is very dangerous and deadly… and Szayel-sama is more frightening than you know and so, the combination, along with both of their desires to be the strongest and the smartest, is an explosive combination. Ages ago, they managed to kill Neliel Tu Odelschwanck on their own."

"I…I think I heard that…" Rudbornn heard most everything on his daily rounds of emptying trash cans, washing dishes, cleaning up the rubble from the daily fights that occurred, taking body pieces to the morgue… "But were they not low-ranking at the time or something? I swear I heard that Nnoitra was only the eighth Espada."

"Yes. That's true." Telsa was finding it hard to think over 'John-Jacob-Jingle-Heimer-Smith'."And Szayel was not even an Espada anymore. Tia Harribel and Aaroneiro forced him out when they were inducted. And Neliel was the third Espada at the time too and…"

"You're right." Rudbornn agreed, the numbers adding up in his head. "They are dangerous."

"Rud.. Keep what I'm going to say next, to yourself."

"Sure, Telsa-san."

The young man smiled a little, "You don't have to call me that. Telsa-kun will be just fine."

"Oh. Thank you."

"Anyhow, I was saying… If…If they wanted to, I feel like they could destroy Harribel if they put their minds to it. And that…That's scary to think about sometimes."

"Do… You think they would?"

"No. I don't think so. They seem to get along okay. It isn't like with Neliel where there was so much fighting going on every time Nnoitra crossed her path. But…yeah, better keep Tia from doing anything stupid."

"And I think this was a very, very stupid idea." Nnoitra noted, climbing into the passenger seat of the small two-seater airplane, thirty minutes later. It wasn't as hard to steal as he initially thought. All they had to do, was jump over the tall barbed wire fence and sneak over to the red plan. Sure the barbed wire wasn't so much fun as both of their hands were rather cut up now, but at least there were no guards to be seen.

"Ah…" Szayel grinned, sitting down in the front seat after closing the door to the small plane. "I don't think it was… Now… How do we…Here." He turned the key that some idiot left in the airplane and the two small engines on the wings started right up. "A little loud, though… but at least it's not children's music."

He paused to stare at all the dials and switches. Who needed these to fly? All he needed was wings. "Here goes something…" He pulled back a small lever and Nnoitra sighed.

"What?" He asked, not sure why he would sigh.

"Szayel… You are going backwards towards the building, just so you know."

"Oh." He reached down and moved the lever the other way and the plane rolled forwards. "And this…" He turned an odd shaped steering wheel. "Must be how I change the direction I want to go."

"Yep. It is. And do you know what direction we are going?" Nnoitra couldn't help but turn on the radio to the rock-music station.

"Of course I do!" Szayel was offended. "I always know where I'm going because I can see polarized light and so the sun will direct us where we are going."

"So you see a lot of glare…geez…" Nnoitra frowned, hating the commercials, "Why all grumpy?"

"Because, this thing is stupid." Szayel wanted to be outside in the sky, not inside a flying machine riding through the sky. After messing around the the settings for a few minutes, he found how to make the plane leave the ground. "And I kind of hate you."

"Why?"

"Because, you kept all of your arms when you…wait… are you a Vasto Lorde? I just realized something I…Do you know if you crossed over from Menos Lorde?"

"I don't know…" Nnoitra admitted, not surprised if he did. "No one can really tell once you gain human shape."

"This…This I am going to have to research when I get home. Anyhow, you kept all of your arms and I lost my wings. Sure I still have them, but I can't use them to fly… and Ulquiorra can and-"

"Hey. Why don't you just take his wings?"

"Ah…I like that idea!"

"Oh no…" Nnoitra wanted to slap himself in the face. "I just said something I shouldn't have."

"Yes, you did." Szayel laughed, "Thanks and… watch this."

"What?! Wat- Szayel! "Nnoitra screamed as the plane did a complete barrel roll. "What did I say about-"

The ground was coming up to meet them. "Crazy flying!"

Szayel turned the plane back into the sky at the last moment, calm as ever. "This? This, Nnoitra is crazy flying?"

"Yes! It is!"

"I beg to differ." He replied, a small grin appearing on his face.

"Well I mea-oh, wait… wait… don't!" Nnoitra closed his eyes and clamped his hands over his face. "Nooo! Fornicaras!"

* * *

Author's Note: This is all my personal opinion. So yeah. I agree with Telsa. Out of all of the couples I have in this story, Szayel and Nnoitra are the most dangerous as they are cold-hearted, smart and they have the drive it take to make their twisted plans come to life. The Espada are dangerous, but I feel like these two take the cake.

And all will be explained.


	18. Real-life RC Airplane!

Szayel laughed and laughed. This was just too priceless. "Santa Teresa's scared! Mwahahaa!"

"Its not funny!" Nnoitra screamed, still not wanting to open his eyes. "This is not a remote-control plane! So stop flying it like it is one!"

"Why not?" Flying in this machine was fun after all…

"Because! We'll die!"

"Oh, Teresa… Come on. We're Espadas. We can't die so easily, you know."

"I don't care! We will still be swished bugs if you miscalculate! AHH!"

"You know…" Szayel muttered, hoping that his ears would be working after they arrived in Vegas. "I wonder if Ned noticed we are missing by now… If not, I don't really mind… But, I can't help but wonder, you know."

"Szayel! Eyes out the window!" Nnoitra screamed, double checking his seat-belt. "Don't talk! Fly! My pretty! Fly!"

_Yep… He's lost it…_

Szayel turned his attention back to the skies and took the plane straight up.

"AHHH! Fornicaras!" Nnoitra wanted out of this plane right now. He didn't care if he had to jump out of the cockpit. He wanted out, now.

"Why do you keep calling me that?!" Szayel yelled at him, annoyed by the fact he was using his old name.

"Because! I'm upset with you!"

"You can stay that way, Santa Teresa until we get to Las Vegas because we have to get there and-"

"Why are you using my old name too?!" Nnoitra cried, not liking being trapped up in the sky in a small plane with a cross Szayel.

"Because you were using mine and as much as I like it, I think that my new name suits me better."

"I don't think so!" Nnoitra begged to differ, wanting to distract Szayel from his flying so that he flew in a straight line. "Because, Szayelaporro is a really long ass name!"

"Ahaha!" Szayel had to grin, "That's what Yylfordt told me! Who cares though. Besides, flying is helping me think! And I have a plan forming in my head called, maybe it's not impossible to kill Yammy."

"Not imposs…repeat!"

"It's not impossible to kill Yammy." Szayel was all to happy to oblige. "We just have to think outside the box."

"How?" Nnoitra sat back in his seat and finally took a deep breath. "None of our swords can even graze him."

"Swords?" Szayel loved how Nnoitra thought so…normally. "I said nothing about using swords. In fact, we are not going to use any. As you know, we Espada can still be killed if we have massive internal organ damage. Which is a horrible way to go, but… this little fact gives us an advantage. A huge advantage. We find Yammy's house, close all the openings and use a simple thing called Carbon monoxide to finish the job."

"Carbon…what?" Nnoitra still did not understand most Szayel's scientific ramblings after all of these years.

"Carbon Monoxide." Szayel repeated himself, too pleased to be upset with his husband for not getting what he was saying the first time. "It's a natural, but deadly gas that cannot be smelled and it does, forgive the pun, 'murder' to internal organs. I thought of this when I realized we were going to high in the sky and were running out of air outside the plane."

"Szayel." Nnoitra said. "Your thought process is always strange."

"I know. Anyhow, all we need to do is find canisters of Carbon Monoxide and cart them over to Yammy's house and in less than two hours, the job will be done. There is a catch though. Since Yammy can die, we can, so we have be careful not to accidentally get stuck in the house. But I don't see it being a major thing to watch out for…but we should be careful none the less."

"And…" Nnoitra had to ask, "is it going to be messy? Will I have to clean guts off the walls?"

"No. It will not be too messy." Szayel said for the first time in his life.

"…Right…" This was a time to be skeptical. A very good time.

"I mean it, Nnoitra. It will be hardly messy. The only downside to getting rid of Yammy this way, is that we will not get to eat him."

"Why?"

"The poison could kill us." Szayel replied, still so happy about all of this. The plan was so simple! Why had he not thought of it before? "But it is a small price to pay. Now, why don't you turn up the music and-"

"Aircraft 581, come in."

Szayel glanced at the radio transmitter. "Um…Nnoitra? What should we do?"

"Donno. Don't reply?" He suggested.

"Well-"

"Aircraft 581. Come in. This is the United States Air Patrol. come in."

"Shoot." Szayel frowned, realizing that someone figured out the plane was missing from the airfield. "We're screwed."

"So.. Are you going to return the-"

"Aircraft 581. Respond."

"Flyer 426, the craft has been stolen. I repeat, craft has been stolen. This is Base."

"Roger that. Over."

"What, over?"

"Roger. I said, over, Over."

"I'm not Roger, over."

"Whatever."

Szayel and Nnoitra shared a long look. What now? "I suppose we should…reply, Nnoitra."

He glanced out the window and turned to Szayel. "Where are we though? I mean… I would hate to…" Nnoitra peered out the window for another second.

"We are right over the outskirts of Vegas by now… We've been flying for a good half an hour and at the speed we were-"

"Surrender your aircraft, 851. This is a direct order from the United States Air Patrol."

"As I was saying, that since we flew instead of walked," Szayel continued, ignoring the radio and the two dangerous looking aircrafts that had appearing in the sky next to them. "So, if we jump right out, we could still land where we need to be."

"But what if the fall kills us?" Nnoitra was not going to let his internal organs get turned to jelly by the impact.

"Then… we're dead." Szayel muttered, turning to craft a little to the left. "Or, we-" something went through the right wing, causing the airplane to shudder. "Get shot to death. I am hoping that our Hierro will suffice for the fall." He turned on the Autopilot with a press of a button and walked over to the small door behind the co-pilot's seat. "And now… We open this and-"

"Wait!" Nnoitra cried just as he reached for the handle. "How far is the drop! I don't mind a few-"

The right wing was filled with hundreds of holes.

"Gunshots."

"What ever!" Szayel unbolted the door with ease and threw it open. "Get over here!" He screamed, trying to be heard over the wind that threatened to knock him off his feet.

"No!" On second thought, Nnoitra would rather go down the the airplane. "I don't want to-" Szayel glared at him. "Okay!"

"Good!" He moved out of the way and waited. "Well?!"

"I…" Nnoitra stared at the city below, paralyzed. "I can't. Jump…"

"You have three seconds!" Szayel screamed at him, feeling the plane ready to give out. "One…"

"Szayel! I can't-"

"Two…"

"It's so-"

Szayel shoved Nnoitra out of the open doorway and into the sky before following.

* * *

Author's Note: Yes. That is surely Airplane! And don't call me Shirley! Hehe. I cannot even begin to imagine how Szayel flew when he had useable wings...


	19. Sometimes: Humans Just Don't Make Sense

"And where are they?" Ned was shocked an hour later when everyone climbed out of the car onto the streets of Las Vegas and there was no Romeo or Theresa to be seen.

Aaroniero grinned and pointed behind him. "Back there."

"I know that!" Ned cried, wondering what happened in the backseat while he was driving. "We have to go get them now!"

"Um…" Aaroniero wasn't sure how to say this without blowing their cover. "But I think they'll be fine."

"How can you say that?!" Christy screamed in a panic. How could they have left Romeo and Theresa out in the middle of nowhere?!

"Because…" Aaroniero wasn't going to explain anything. "They will be. I know it. Now, let's get two rooms this time…" Don't want to hear

Szayel snore anymore…"They will be here soon. I know it!"

"And guess what?" Taylor added, walking behind Aaroniero as he made his way into the hotel lobby to make a reservation. "The video of them freaking out has ten-thousand views already."

Ned ran up to Taylor, "What video?"

"This one." She took her phone out of her pocket and pulled up the video for her father.

"AHHH! Nnoitra!" Romeo jumped, reached for the door of the car.

"What is-" Teresa looked down at the floor. "HOLY-"

"Hahahaa! That was so funny!" (Older) Aaron laughed, his face coming in view of the camera for a moment "AHahaaa!"

"Yeah!" Aaron's voice laughed in the background as Romeo opened the door and jumped out of a moving car, followed by Theresa who fell onto the pavement.

"What the hell were you thinking, Aaroniero?!" Theresa screamed as the camera turned to watch out the rear of the van.

"Get back here!" Teresa held up his finger. "Get back here, you fat, bearded bitch!"

The camera turned to watch (Older) Aaron climb up the open side door where Theresa jumped and leaned out, laughing. "Ahahah! You should seen it! You jumped right out of the car and it was so funny! AHahahaaaa!"

"Damn you!" Romeo screamed."You little-"

The camera turned back to Aaron who was laughing his head off in a bucket seat. "What did you think?!" Taylor asked, the camera shaking as she laughed.

"Gosh! That was so…funny! They just jumped!"

"Awesome!" Taylor spun around, to Aaroniero who was climbing back into his seat. "So, A. You see his name is A. Because it's a second Aaron. Anyhow. What did you think?"

"It… It was priceless." Aaroniero laughed evilly, "I cannot begin to explain how awesome that was! Hopefully, they won't kill me."

"Yeah… Because after what we did," Taylor turned the camera to look at the front seat where Ned and Christy were talking like they hadn't noticed. (Because they didn't.) "We are so grounded."

"And dead." Aaroniero added, a hand gripping his neck nervously. "Very… very… dead… "

"Enough about being dead!" Aaron cried, "That was awesome! Now, don't you think we should go back and get them?"

"No!" Aaroniero screamed, suddenly panicking."No! Don't turn around! They'll kill us! AHHH!"

"For real?" The camera was held up to Aaroniero's face a tad too close.

"Well….Taylor…" Aaroniero grinned the best he could. "No..not really.. But… they will be really, really mad… and all and… Let's just keep driving."

"Are you sure…?" Taylor liked the joke, but shouldn't they go back and pick up Romeo and Theresa who were now stranded in the middle of Nevada.

"Um…" Aaroniero thought for a moment, "They were in the army. They will do fine. Heh? Right?"

"….Um…."

"And that is where the video ended and we asked you to turn around." Taylor shoved her phone back in her pocket and grinned up at her father who was in shock. "And we didn't find them…Yeah…"

"Taylor…Aaron… I need to talk to you both…." Ned muttered, walking over to the set of chairs in the lobby, away from other people. "And… You too, A."

"A?!" Aaroniero squeaked, pointing to himself.

"Yes…" Ned sighed. "You."

"Ah… You aren't gonna kill me, are you?"

Ned raised an eyebrow. A. seemed a little too concerned for his life. "Um.. No? Why would I?"

"Ah… Because ya can?" Aaroniero offered, shuffling over to the chairs, nervous as heck. "And 'cause I…What else did I do?"

"Nothing.. Sit down." Ned instructed, pointing to the three chairs and once the three 'delinquents' were seated, he began his lecture. "Kids… and Aaron. I know what you did, you thought was funny… and, it kinda was… but I am going to have to tell you of the seriousness of your… fun. Do you know how dangerous to jump out of a moving car? Especially onto the road where there could be other cars? Now, I want to you know that I don't hate you…but, Theresa and Romeo could have been killed."

"Goodie!" Aaroniero clapped his hands, only to find he was the only one clapping. "Ah….Ah… I mean…yeah… bad kids."

"You too." Ned frowned at A. He was not liking how he was taking all of this so lightly. "You are as in just as much trouble as my children. I cannot ground you or punish you in any way, but I am going to make it 100% clear that I am upset with you."

"And…?" Aaroniero was confused. "What?"

"I'm upset with you!" Ned cried, throwing his hands in the air.

"And?" Aaroniero stared at the human, perplexed. Wasn't he going to get hit on the head, or get his face smashed into the ground? Or… the list could go on. The worse being the time he worked up the nerve to ask Circci out, (back in the day when she was free and still trying to choose which Granz to go out with). It a was a miracle Aaroniero managed to crawl away from the scene of rejection.

Let alone stand up again.

"I'm upset with you!" Ned repeated, his face now red with anger. "That's all!"

"And?" Aaroniero still didn't get this whole, 'upset' thing, "What are you going to do?"

"Be upset with you!"

"And….?" This was really making no sense at all. So, Ned said he would be upset. So? How did that effect Aaroniero in anyway besides the fact Ned would be….well…. Upset.

"Wait…." Aaroniero muttered to himself, finally catching on after a long silence. "I'm supposed to care you are upset with me….right?"

Ned let out a long sigh…

….He wasn't getting anywhere at all with A.

Was he?

"A…. See here." He walked up the the taller man who was staring at the lights overhead, as if intrigued by them, "You… don't seem to get this. I am angry with you. Mad… Upset. P.O'ed"

"I don't have one of those." Aaroniero replied, "but I do have a house address."

"Not a….What I mean to say…" Ned's voice was down to an angry whisper by now. "Is that I am down right mad at you! So mad I could scream!"

Aaroniero looked from Ned to the front desk where a hot chick was checking in and back. "You don't seem upset at all."

"What?" Ned huffed and puffed, fed up with it all. "I… I don't seem mad to you, do I?"

"No." Aaroniero replied. He'd seem plenty of mad people in his life and Ned was not one of them.

"And. Why. Is this?" The human gritted his teeth, just wanting to scream. Scream to someone that this… A. Wasn't getting the point of this whole conversation. "Is. This. Face. Not mad. To you?!"

Aaroniero paused to study his subject intently. "Um… do you seem a little irritated. But beyond that…" he shook his head. "Nothin'."

"A. How. Can I SHOW you." Ned made gestures as he spoke, "That I. Am. Mad?"

"Kids." Aaroniero turned to Taylor and Aaron II who were shrunk back in their seats, never seeing their father this upset in his life. "This here. Is not mad. For your FY-"

A loud crash echoed through the lobby. The lights overhead flickering.

"Oh…NO!" Aaroniero screamed, the worst thought coming to mind. "AHHH! I'm gonna die!"

"What?!" Ned yelled, "What do-"

"AHH! I need life insurance! Ten billion dollars worth! But it's too expensive in America! AHHH!" Aaroniero turned and ran out of the front doors of the hotel. Only to come running back in a second later. "Ned! I need the keys to the car!"

"Wha-"

"Keys!" Aaroniero glared at him, sending a chill up Ned's spine. "Now."

"Oh… okay…" he grinned nervously and reluctantly handed over keys.

* * *

Author's note: The time between Szayel and Nnoitra's adventure and Ned's match up now. Since Ned took a U-turn: 1 hour and spent and 1 1/2 at dinner and then another 2 hours in traffic and searching for a hotel. So, 4 1/2 hours.

Now, Szayel and Nnoitra: 1 hour following the road. 3 hours wandering around the desert and finding the airplane. 1/2 an hour by plane to get the Vegas.


	20. A Little Sass Can Go A Long Way

Ichigo Kurosaki didn't mind being dead. It wasn't much of a change from when he was alive. His dad came to visit. His sister Karin could see him and Yuzu was cued in on the whole deal.

So, being a captain wasn't all that bad. Besides, he had his sidekicks and plenty of postcards to send out with the daily warnings from around Soul Society.  
The only thing he was missing was his girlfriend who ran off to live with the Seven Dwarves.

"Ishida, isn't this gripping?" Ichigo asked, putting his feet on his nice wooden desk.

Ishida looked up from where he was sewing one of the many holes in Ichigo's other pair of socks. "What is?"

Ichigo held up his newest 'Danger Postcard.' "This headline! The Espada Live!"

"And…" Ishida couldn't help but be unimpressed. "Everyone knows that by now."

"Well." The Captain of the Third Company frowned. Why did Ishida seem so upset? Today, Ichigo actually gave him a job called, 'keeping everyone's clothing looking neat'. "Because, this card has a list of things to do if you run into an Espada."

"And what are those?" Ishida sighed. How many holes could Ichigo's socks have? He didn't even want to try and count. "Fight to the death?"

"No." Ichigo replied, a smug smile on his face. "One. Fight to the death. Two. Offer them candy and hope they go away. Three. Play dead. Four. Make them cookies. Five. Run away. And only do this unless it's a last resort. Soul Reapers don't run away."

"Candy and cookies?" Ishida scoffed, recalling the latest letter from Orihime. "I don't think that will get you anywhere. If anywhere, you will just make them mad."

"How so?! This is a brilliant list! And cookies are good!"

"Um." Ishida reached up with his hand and fixed his glasses. "According to Orihime, the Espada do not like normal human foods as they seem to find it disgusting. She tried to make a cake for Ulquiorra-"

"Don't say that name in here!" Ichigo cried, still crushed over the fact that the main girl character liked some Emo guy more than the hot, all powerful and overly attractive main character. (Who just happened to be Ichigo.)

"Okay. She made cake for the Espadas and they liked the gesture, but kindly refused. So, if the Espada don't like Orihime's cooking, why would they like cookies and candy? Made by second-rate cooks you Soul Reapers make."

"You didn't just say that!" Ichigo gasped, leaning over the desk and into Ishida's face. "DId you?! Are you implying that Qunicies cook better than Soul Reapers?!"

"Yes." Ishida replied, wishing that Ichigo wouldn't yell at him at such close range. "I did. For a matter of fact."

"That does it!" The Captain of the Third Company wasn't going to be out cooked! Especially as the main character! "We are going to have a cooking battle. Right here! Right now! You and me, Qunicy!"

"Not right now." Ishida held up a very stitched up sock. "I am not done with the stupid work you put me to!"

"It's not stupid!" Ichigo cried, "Clothing is very important and you are the only person who can sew!"

"Why don't you learn, then?! I am not your mother!"

"You're my kinda brother! Get sewing!"

"Why you-"

"Hey."

Ichigo and Ishida turned their heads to see Chad standing in the doorway of the Captain's office. "What?!"

Chad sighed. The two had been fighting again. They had been fighting much more since they learned they were kind of related last week. (Because Ichigo's mother was in the Ishida Clan before marrying Isshin.) "Guys. Meeting."

"What?!" Ichigo cried.

"Now?!" Ishida wasn't going anywhere until he got to quit his stupid job.

'Yes. Main meeting hall." Chad replied, gesturing over his shoulder out the open door. "Right now."

"Okay, okay…" Ichigo sighed and with a step forwards, made his way to the large meeting hall where all of the other Captains where standing, talking among one another. "So! Old Man Yamamoto, what is this all about?"

"Kurosaki, Ichigo. Please take your place with the Captains. We are all here to witness the cooperation of Hueco Mundo's Tyrant Queen who has offered to hand over one of her own subjects until Yumichika is returned to us."

"And?" Ichigo made a face at Renji who was standing next to his Captain who looked all to serious for his own good. "This is good because?"

"Harribel has finally agreed to obey the order of Soul Society and I hope she continues to do so as I am making it a priority to take control of Hueco Mundo."

"That does seem reasonable." Ichigo scratched his head, thinking. "They are evil after all." _And they took my to-be girlfriend._

Yamamoto nodded approvingly. Kurosaki was a wonderful addition to the 13 Guards. "And, is she here?" He asked Toshiro who was standing near the two large doors.

"Not yet-she is here." The small Captain replied, seeing a tall woman with yellow hair appear just outside. At her side was a man with long blond hair and a smile on his face.

Torshiro was not sure if the smile was a kind one or that of evil intent.

"We have arrived." Tia Harribel announced, walking boldly into the meeting room with Yylfordt trailing along behind her. "I hope we did not keep you waiting too long."

_If only Circci didn't insist on kissing him for as many days he would be gone, we would have gotten here sooner… But whatever…_

"Not in the least, Harribel."

Tia frowned at Yamamoto's casual address. "Queen Harribel."

"I refuse to address you as such, Hollow."

"I." Tia closed her eyes, wishing for just an ounce of Szayel's sassy tone. He didn't use it very often, but when he did, it scared people out of their socks._ I am going to have borrow some moves as well, if you don't mind._ Tia put her hand on her hip. "If you think I'm some kind of simple hollow, you are sorely mistaken, doll. "

_Yes!_ She cried, seeing Yylfordt's eyes go wide as he realized what she was using._ I got it down!_

"I am a Vasto Lorde, and I demand that you address me with respect!"

_AHHH!_ Yylfordt screamed inside as his Queen impersonated his brother to an A. Tones, hand gestures and even a little smirk._ It's scary! Circci!_

"Um. I see." It was Yamamoto turn to frown, stroking his beard in thought. "Do you have the leverage we requested?"

"Yes." Tia returned to her normal monotone, but strong voice. "I do. And to say the least. How you treat him is how we shall treat Yumichika in return. Kill or purify him, refuse this deal and your Soul Reaper will be eaten."

Yamamoto opened his mouth to speak.

"By me, personally." Tia wanted this to be as clear as day. "Is that understood?"

The First Captain did not like the way this hollow spoke in the least. But he had no choice but to obey. "Understood." He turned his attention to Yylfordt who was more scared to Tia than he was of all the Soul Reapers in the room.

What she did was just freaky! Plain freaky!

"Come forwards, Hollow and-"

"Do I have to intervene again, gal?" Tia asked, sliding right back into her impersonation. "That there is Yylfordt Granz and I demand that you address him as much respect. Are we clear on the facts, doll?"

_AHHH! This is creeeeppy!_

"Yes." Yylfordt composed himself the best he could before taking a step forwards. "I am the Fifteen Numeros, Yylfordt Granz and I am thankful for your-"

"Wait a minute…" Renji cut in, the name finally ringing a bell. "Don't I know you?"

"Do I know you?" Yylfordt glanced to his left to see the red-haired Soul Reaper standing behind one of the Captains. "I think…I do…"

"Karakura town." Renji muttered, trying to place the face in front of him with a name. Was this the guy who dressed up as Aizen? If only Renji was not forbidden to talk of his mission to Heuco Mundo."…Maybe…what's is your Zanpakutō's name?"

"Name?" Yylfordt raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"What is…he or she called?"

"He or she?" This was getting more confusing all the time. "My sword is just…a… sword. It doesn't have a…wait a minute! You think that my sword is like your sword and has a magic spirit inside, don't you?"

"Yes?" Now, Renji was confused. "Doesn't it?"

Yylfordt glanced at his sword hanging on his left hip. "Nah. It doesn't. It has no soul like it's owner and so, doesn't talk. In fact it is really just my previous form created into a sword. But yea. I did have a name back in the day. We Hollows change names more than the average Soul Reaper. So, yeah. My name was Del Toro after I changed it from Yylfordt Granz… and then, I had to use my old name in Los Notches again. Might change it back though."

"Del…" Renji froze. "No way! You're that…Arrancar that I blasted out of the sky! How the hell are you still alive?!"

"Um." Yylfordt tried to think of the best way to explain. "In short, the Fourth Wall was broken halfway through the Bount Arc and I slipped behind it at the last second."

Renji looked at him like he was mad. "Fourth wall?"

"Yes." Yylfordt pointed over his shoulder at the large duct tape patch hanging in the sky. "That's the fourth wall. It was fixed before the Battle of Karakura Town and please, don't break it. We don't want to get sucked out of our own world, do we?"

Renji glanced at the large patch job. "Now you say that, I remember why you were dress as...never mind…But what is out there?"

"Our readers." Yylfordt replied, not liking how Telsa used them to blackmail him in the Bonus Chapter of the last story. "And they are sick, evil creatures!"

"How… so?"

"You don't what to know what comes into their heads… nasty slash fiction!"

"Ugh… Okay." Renji didn't even want to go there. "Anyhow, It's very interesting we have met once again, Yylfordt."

"Um…" Since he was somewhere new, why not use his favorite name instead? "Can you possibly call me Del Toro?"

"Sure? Why?"

"Because my common name was given to me by someone I highly dislike."

"Aizen?"

"…Nah… Worse. Anyhow. Queen Harribel, anything else you want to say?"

"Nothing, Del Toro." She switched names with ease. In her personal opinion, she liked the name she had now, but she could understand Yylfordt wish to be called by his own creation. "It is all settled."

"Great?" Del Toro glanced around the room of Soul Reapers, suddenly nervous over the fact that Tia would be leaving him alone with these hollow-killers.

"Can you get me something to do around here? I don't really want to sit in a Jail Cell…"

"True." Tia nodded, "And you will not be sitting in a cell. As how ever they treat you, Yumichika will be treated as well."

"Are ya sure?"

"Yes. And, if any of you captains find it fit to give him a temporary job in one of your companies, I highly recommend him. Well trained in the way of the sword and rather intelligent."

"We will take those into account." Yamamoto scanned the lines of captains. There had to be someone who could watch over this Hollow until Yumichika was returned. "And volunteers?"

No one moved.

"All those who refuse will have to watch over Yachiru."

All hands flew into the air.

* * *

Author's Note: And so The Fourth Wall Returns! And Tia scares the heck out of Yylfordt! I want to see her impersonate a few more of the Espada. Like Nnoitra. I am sure she can swear. So, the whole sword/name thing is sorted out! And so, Nnoitra was in fact, at one time, called Santa Teresa and so forth. Have you noticed that an Espada's sword disappears after they release it? Heh.

More on my own idea of Hollow Evolution later!

And not all slash fiction is evil. Just Granzcest. Because it's wrong and ick! They are actual brothers!

I don't want to write a whole rant here... so I'll just stop.


	21. I Think We Need A Reservation

"Nnoitra…." Szayel stared at the stars overhead. "Did we land?"

"Yes." He replied, his whole world turning. "In a bed, most ironically."

"...Oh… really?" Szayel murmured, knowing what to say next. "Interesting… but no."

"I wasn't even going to ask, you weirdo." Nnoitra snickered, finding the whole thing funny. "Anyhow… I'm really tired."

"Me…too…" Szayel slurred, not sure if he actually said what he wanted to. "And… We have to get...reservation… Hotel..."

"Yeah…and can't mantis fly?" Nnoitra continued talking through his own laugher. "and...We need a…reser…" The two slumped onto the pillows, unconscious.

* * *

"Tia!" Aaroniero screamed at her, through their visual connection. "Are you there?! Aweser me! AHHH! You've been ignoring me for the last ten minutes! Help me please! I got Telsa and Rud out of the trunk and I think that Szayel and Nnoitra crashed through the roof or something! I sent Rud and Telsa to go check it out for me!" He made his way out of the parking garage a few blocks from the hotel where Ned parked the car with all their swords in hand. " And I don't know what to do! Help me! Please!"

"I'm here." Tia muttered once she closed Garganta and began to walk towards Hueco Mundo "I was just in Soul Society for a meeting and a hostage exchange. What do you need?"

"I said that-" Aaroniero froze on the sidewalk and peered upwards. "Oh…big… big hollow…Tia?!"

"You're an Espada." She stated coldly. "Take it out. That's an order."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Miss." Tia corrected, "Ma'am makes me sound like an old maid."

"You are certainly not." Aaroniero brandished Santa Teresa that he had to carry by hand as it did not have a sheath. "And I hope you don't mind, Nnoitra…Not that you will and-"

_What are you doing?! Get your hands off me!_

Aaroniero almost dropped Nnoitra's sword. _Did you just-_

_Help! I'm captured by a Hollow! Help me! Help- wait! Who are you?_

"Um….Who are you?"

_I'm _Ruri'iro Kujaku!

"Ruri who?!" Aaroniero screamed, realizing it was the stupid soul Reaper's sword talking to him. He had put it on his belt along with the other swords and hadn't payed much attention to it.

Until it started talking!

_Ruri'iro Kujaku! I am Yumichika's Zanpakutō! Let me go this mo…wait a minute…I…I know you!_

"You do?!" The Fifth Espada wanted to kill this hollow, run to the nearest lake and dump the talking sword before it started singing or something.

_Yes! Oh my… I.. I am besides myself! It's you, Kaien! I thought you were dead! I… I am overjoyed!_

"Uh… I'm… so…" Aaroniero looked from the Hollow who was just as shocked and back to the sword. "Glad? Um… Hey…" He began, an idea coming to mind. "Would you help me get rid of this hollow here?"

_Of course! I am just so thrilled! Wait until I tell my master!_

"Ah…" Aaroniero set Santa Teresa down and drew Ruri'iro Kujaku who was still singing praises to Kaien Shiba's existence. "Nice…Thanks. And here we…" Aaroniero leapt into the sky towards he enemy, "Go." He arc'd the blade downwards and sliced right through the Hollow's mask with a loud crack.

"Ah." Aaroniero smiled to himself, landing on his feet on the sidewalk next to Santa Teresa; the Hollow disappearing before his very eyes. "That went well. Now…" He put Ruri'iro Kujaku away and picked up Nnoitra's blade. "Did you like that?

_Very much. _Ruri'iro Kujaku laughed happily. _But I am confused, Shiba-san. I tried to talk to the other swords I see, but they are not talking. Why is that?_

"Um…" Aaroniero pressed the cross walking button on the street corner. "Because they are sleeping."

_But we never sleep!_

"This is a new kind of… sword and they sleep."

_I'm not buying it. And… now that I think of it… What did you do with Kaien Shiba?_

_Aaroniero froze in the middle of the crosswalk of a busy intersection. "What?!"_

_What did you do with Kaien Shiba?! I feel his presence! But I know he's not you! _

"Get out of the road!" Someone screamed as a chorus of car horns sang in the night. "Get your ass moving, Grandpa!"

"Yeah!" Aaroniero gave stalled audience the finger. "I'm gonna move! So shut the hell up!"

_You have a temper, don't you?! Anger isn't good! _

_Can you hear me?_

_Yes. Perfectly. I don't know how. _

_Neither do I. _Aaroniero marched across the road as slow as possible just to annoy all those who waited. _But I do know one thing. I am Aaroniero Arrurueire, the Fifth Espada and I not hesitate to snap you in half if you don't shut up right now._

_But, I thought you were Kai-_

_I said, shut up._

_You cannot boss me around, hollow! I am a Zanpakutō!_

_Hollow?! _Aaroniero was more offended than he had been in a while by anyone. Even Szayel and Nnoitra never called him something so rude. "I am a Gillian!"

Everyone in the hotel lobby looked up from their tasks.

He looked around and grinned nervously. "I mean… Well… I love Gilligan's Island! Did you hear it is on at eight tonight?"

"And what,"

AAroniero turned to see a hotel Security Guard standing next to him with a cross look on her face. "Are you doing with those swords?"

"These?" Aaroniero pointed to the collection on his belt. "I'm…" _What's the word?! What does Yylfordt do?! Oh. Yeah. _"I'm a Cosplayer and these swords are part of my groups outfits."

"I see…" The woman didn't seem very convinced as she continued to note how real these swords looked.

"Well, that's because we had them all…handcrafted for our characters."

"And who… may I ask, are you cosplaying?"

"Um…" Aaroniero knew a few animes… but none with swords like these. "Um… The name's really long. Japanese you know. You know… "

At that moment, the cleaning maid went by with his cart full of supplies and a name hit Aaroneiro in the face.

It was a strange name.

And hell, an anime didn't even exist by this name anyhow.

But it was worth a shot.

"Bleach."

"Bleach? Is this a joke?"

Aaroniero shook his head. "No, miss. These swords come from Bleach characters and-"

"What is the show about?" Ned asked, coming over to get a closer look at the huge nine foot monster sword. "I watch a little bit of Anime myself because of my kids being into Pokemon and all."

"Bleach?" Aaroniero laughed, not sure what to say. "You want to know what its about?"

"Yeah. And who do you guys all play?"

"Um… Bleach is…" _About cleaning products who battle it out with swords? Nah… too silly. "_It's a really complicated plot see… there is this guy… Aaroniero Arrrureire. He…" _What am I? Oh yeah! _"He's the awesome main character! He goes around the world and um… destroys scary monsters with his slaying sword… and the monsters are called…Um… What is it? Oh yeah. Soul Reapers. Big, scary… rather ugly… and Aaroniero, who I play… has two…friends called Nnoitra and Szayel and we go around getting rid of scary-"

"What did you say?" Ned interrupted Aaroniero's train of though that was heading into loony land central by now. "Did you say… Notra? And Sessel?"

"No, no…" Aaroniero laughed, knowing the names were hard to pronounce. "Its Nnoitra and Szayel. Aaroniero's trusty friends."

"Oh!" Ned finally understood. "That makes sense! 'Cause I heard Romeo and Theresa using those names in the video. Nicknames do catch on don't they?'

"Yeah…" Aaroniero completely forgot that Szayel and Nnoitra used their real names back when the lizard 'attacked' them. "They do! So, yeah and…so that's what Bleach is."

"Cool!" Ned grinned, his anger over the car incident gone for good. "And so, what are these swords exactly?"

"Um… This one…" Aaroniero glanced up at Nnoitra's towering blade. "This one is… Nnoitra's sword. And this here, is Szayel's and these two are mine."

"Nice! Can I see one?"

"Um…" Aaroniero didn't know what to say besides, "not really. They are kind of expensive."

"But they are so cool!"

Aaroniero was about to say no when Telsa appeared next to him with a worried look on his face. The Fraccion bowed before saying, "Lord Aaroniero-sama, I have good news and bad news. Good news is, Szayel and Nnoitra are here in the hotel. Bad news, they fell through the roof and their Gigais are totaled and I think that Rud, I mean-"

"Just go on!" Aaroniero muttered, handing Ned a sword to keep him distracted as much as possible from the conversation with 'Mr. Invisible.'

"Rudbornn says that the two are in need of immediate healing. So I need you to go get Lumina from the car and bring it to-"

"I don't have to carry that suitcase ever again!" Aaroniero told Telsa, "They promised!"

"I know, Lord Aaroniero-sama. But we need you to. Just this once. I will make sure they repay you! Because if Master Nnoitra dies… I will start writing fan fiction."

"What?" The Fifth Espada was confused. "What is fan fiction?"

"Fan written stories. Some are very good while some are really bad. Aka, My Immortal. But, in these stories, the writer can put anyone they want together romantically."

"And… how is this a threat?"

"Because," Telsa folded his hands behind his back, a small grin creeping onto his face as the slot machine of characters whirled in his head. "I will write a story about how you, Aaroniero fall madly in love with Szayel after Nnnoitra's untimely death."

"Um… did I just hear you correctly? Me and… Szayel?"

"Yes. You did. And to make things worse, I will make all of the guys in Heuco Mundo fall in love with you too and so it will be giant love tri-"

"But I want a girlfriend!" Aaroniero protested.

"Exactly." Telsa snatched Taylor's tablet while she was busy watching her father play with Yumichika's sword. "And this…" He pulled up a website. "Is Fan Fiction. Read."

"Okay…"Aaroniero took the small device and read the summary out loud. "One winter night… Grimmjow finds a Ulquiorra in the desert and the two share many secrets….GrimmUlqui Lemon warning." He glanced up at Telsa. "What is a lemon?"

Telsa didn't reply. Instead he made Aaroniero start reading. "And take in mind… this is…"

"OM…G…. What…" Aaroniero's eyes were burned in the back of his head by what was happening in the story. "AHH! This isn't possible!"

"Exactly!" Telsa cried,"And that is what I am going to write between you and Szayel if you don't get that suitcase!"

"AHHH! Anything!" Aaroniero shoved the tablet at Telsa, his mind burned with horrible images. "My eyes! ARRGG! My mind!"

"Then go get that damn suitcase!" Telsa screamed at him, pointing towards the automatic doors leading outside. "Now! Or I'm going to add in Rudbornn!"

"NOOO!"

Telsa watched Aaroniero run outside in five second flat.

He smiled.

Mission accomplished.

* * *

Author's Note: Telsa is amazing. Szayel and Nnoitra fell from a plane! No wonder they are totaled!

And I have a treat for all of my readers! I am going to be posting a chapter a day once again until the end of November. And I also have a soundtrack created for this story that I hope you all will enjoy.


	22. Don't Kill Me: I Wanna Be Barbie!

"Um…" Yylfordt wasn't sure to do besides stand in line with the rest of the company. "What now?"

"Nothing." Ikkaku Madarame whispered back, missing Yumichika a bit. "Just wait for the Captain to give orders."

"Oh. I see." Yylfordt laughed a little and nervously fixed his hair that was still somehow caught in his hollow mask. After sleeping restlessly on the floor of his small room, his hair was a horrible tangled mess. "And…um…sorry?"

"Don't worry about it." Ikkaku muttered, turning his attention back to the large doors of the Eleventh Company who was no longer one person short. "And don't be too scared by-"

"What is going on today?" Kenpachi walked in the courtyard without Yarchiru on his shoulder as she was out terrorizing some other company today. (Last thing he knew, it was Mayuri's turn to watch after her for an hour.) "Oh yea." He stopped in front of the new comer who was shaking in his pretty white sand-resistant shoes. "Welcome. Be prepared to die."

"Ahaha…." Yylfordt didn't know what else to say besides, "I… I know someone taller than you."

Kenpachi paused. "Really?"

"Ye…you're kinda crushing me with your Riatsu and yea… I do know… someone…" Yylfordt glanced down at the ground, feeling a little sick. "Taller."

"Really?" Ikkaku couldn't think of anyone taller than his captain.

"Do tell." Kenpachi glared down at the… Hollow, was it? He couldn't remember what Old Man Yamamoto told him about the Eleventh Company's temp-officer.

He said it was some kind of…. What was it? "And then tell me what you are."

"Um…" Yylfordt grinned, wanting to cry and run away. This captain was scary. Very, very…scary! It didn't matter how many times any of the Espada were mad at him because this guy made up for all the time they could have been mad. "And my thoughts don't make any sense! Ahaha…. Yeah…. Bro. Taller guy… Yeah. Right on track there! Yeah, the guy I know is Seven-feet tall and goes by the name Nnoitra Gilga. Scary too. Just like you. But I think… I think you're more scary because you're a Soul Reaper and well… I'm just a small Numeros Arrancar and um, I would like to say that it would be nice if I didn't die! Because I kind of…I don't wanna die and I wanna be Barbie and Little Bo-Peep, Cinderella and Britney Spears! Do you know who she is? Just curious if you all here listen to the top-ten charts or not. If not, that's fine! Because not everyone like the same mus-"

"Ah…That's right…" Kenpachi frowned, making Yylfordt even more scared. "You're an Arrancar… So. Where do you rank?"

"Um… Fifteenth." Yylfordt chattered, wanting to back away and he would have if Ikkaku wasn't holding onto his shoulder so tightly. "I mean, it's not really in order of strength once you get past nine…. It's kind of the order we were created. Because I know that-"

"I see. So. You are not an Espada are you?"

"N….no sir! I wanna be, but I can't because I would be crushed like a bug if I even asked!"

"Oh. Disappointing."

Yylfordt dropped to his knees. Begging for mercy was the only way to survive! "AHHH! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm a failure!"

"Nn…" Kenpachi wasn't sure if he like the new recruit. He was better suited for Unohana's division with a heart like that. "Don't be. We already have another Arrancar here."

"I'm sorr-another?!" What were the Espada? World Travelers?

"Yeah." Kenpachi watched the new recruit climb to his feet. "We do. Kurosaki brought them back from Hueco Mundo after failing to rescue his friend."

"Heh…. Really?"

"Really." Ikkaku nodded, "I think you two should meet after our Captain gives us orders."

"Those are my orders." Kenpachi wanted to keep this Arancarr as far as possible from the Eleventh Company. He didn't want it to mess up anything, touch anything… breathe on anything at all. "Ikkaku, take…him. To the Third Company and out of my hair."

Ikkaku bowed, "Yes, Captain."

Before Yylfordt could say or do anything similar, he was being dragged across the skies of Soul Society. "Heeeeyyy! Where are you taking me?!"

"To…here." Ikkau flickered in to existence in front of a large bamboo building that was nothing like anything Yylfordt had seen before. It had a curved roof that came to points and on in roof itself was a whole bunch of little lights and greenery and- "What did they do to this place? It isn't even Christmas yet."

"Ah…" Yylfordt hated to asked as he stood up. "What is Christmas?"

"It's a human holiday." His escort replied, hating the faint sound of 'Jingle-bells' coming from within. "Come on."

Ikkaku walked up to the front doors and knocked gently, wishing that he brought some earplugs as 'Grandma Got Run-over By A Raindeer', began to play over the ruckus inside.

"Hey! Someone get the door!"

"I'm busy fixing your stupid socks, Ichigo! I can't get the door!"

"Fine then! Someone else get the door!"

"Don't you think it would be wise to look through the peephole first?"

"This is Soul Society! Not Heuco Mundo, you loincloth wearing…thing!"

"I'm insulted! If it wasn't for me-"

"You two shwat up! I get da door!"

"Wait!"

It was too late. The wooden door was slid open to reveal a small girl with large brown eyes and sea green hair. She was wearing a tiny Soul Reaper outfit that only seemed to clash with the broken white mask on her head. "Hello and welcome to the Third Company."

"Yea, yeah." Ikkaku shrugged off the greeting and walked inside. "Nice to see you too. This here is…." His voice trailed off.

Yylfordt wasn't moving.

"Ne…" She was dead! He knew she was dead. It was all that his brother bragged about for weeks afterwards. Maybe even months. And yet, she was… It had to be her. Yylfordt would know that brilliant green hair anywhere. "Lady…Neillel?"

"Yeah?" She replied, suddenly remembering his face. She hadn't bothered to tell her brothers that she began to recall things after she entered Los Notches, months ago. They would have naturally freaked out and whisked her away from her home. So, Nelliel kept it all to herself and tried her best to act like the kid she no longer was. "It's I."

"Please forgive me!" Yylfordt wished he could bow deeper. "My hands were tied. I…I knew what they were planning and yet I could do nothing! I am sorry my Lady! If you find it fit to kill me, please do so."

She smiled.

Yylfordt Granz hadn't changed one bit since the last time she met him.

"I…I find no need to end your humble life." Nelliel replied, "I however, appreciate your sincere apology. I understand that Szayelaporro has a way with manipulating people and so, I do not hold you responsible in any manner. I have always found it quite interesting how different the two of you are."

"Yes, Lady Nelliel, we are quite different."

"We?" Ikkaku was lost. What was all of this about?

"Yes." Nelliel glanced up at the confused Soul Reaper. "This is Szayelaporro's older brother, Yylfordt Granz."

"Brother?!" He had no clue that any hollows anywhere were related. "But don't…don't…"

"It is true." Neilliel continued, "Hollows tend to consume their own kin. However, I have no clue to…" she gestured at Yylfordt, "this occurrence."

"It's getting stranger by the moment." Ikkaku muttered, "Don't tell me you two have a mom."

Yylfordt cracked a smile at this comment. "No. We don't. Kinda wish we did though, now that you mention it. She would come in useful when it came to disciplining my evil bro."

"Evil?"

"Yeah. You heard me, Soul Reaper: Evil. And no. We are not twins. That would just make life worse."

"So," Nelliel changed the subject, "How are you liking it here in Soul Society, Granz?"

"Um… It's…" He glanced around at the bright surroundings. "Bright."

"Yeah. I had the same reaction. Why don't you come inside and have some…never mind. You don't want tea do you?'

Yylfordt couldn't help but make a face at the idea. "No. Thanks."

"Isn't it wonderful?" She led the two guests inside the main building of the Third Company. "Aizen is finally gone all thanks to…Orihime." She whispered, not wanting Ichigo to rant about how it was all his doing and that Orihime stank because she ran off with 'Emo-face'.

"Yes, Lady Nelliel, it is."

"Why do you keep calling her, Lady?" ikkaku never used such a formal tone with this small and very strange officer of the Third Company.

"She is higher ranking than I." Yylfordt replied.

"High…er?"

"Yes." A warm smile appeared on Nelliel's face. "I am the former Third Espada."

"Th...third?! But you are just a…kid!"

"I was not always so." Nelliel sat down at the small wooden table in the reception area where tea was steeping and there were countless sweets on plates. "It is a long story that I wish not to re-account. But yes. I was an Espada. Speaking of which, how is Harribel?"

"She's good. I don't think she knows you exist, though." Yylfordt sat down and grabbed a frosted snowman cookie.

"I don't think that you shou-" Nelleil watched him choke and cough on the large bite of cookie. "Eat that."

"Aheigh…" Yylfordt coughed, grasping his throat. "What… aheh.. Was that?!"  
"Cookie."

"Ahgg! It tastes horrible!" He cried. "But it looked so good!"

"Yeah." Nelliel agreed, wishing she could eat some of the pretty cookies. "That's human food for you. It tastes horrid."

"Why?!" Yylfordt couldn't just sit at the table and drink tea! Aizen = Tea!

"I don't know. Let me get you something to wash the taste out."

"What?! Something like tea?"

"No, no…Hollow. Let me get you some."

What was this place coming to?! Ikkaku nearly screamed. This was Soul Society! No cannibalistic hollows were allowed! And no Espadas! Next time he talked to Yamamoto, he was going to put an end to all of this. Soul Reapers inside, Hollows outside! And no one cross this line! Yeah. This one. Right here!

* * *

Author's Note: I would like to apologize for false hope. I thought I would be able to post a chapter a day... but my life is really busy so far with the end of the semester coming up. I will, however, post a lot more until Monday because I have a Thanksgiving Break.

On another note: AHHH! Nelliel! (And I promise she will be as awesome as Orihime. I don't write weak girl characters.) And I think that Ikkaku and Yumichika are the Old Grandparents aka Ma and Pa. They never fight really...sure they argue, but it's not anything damaging. Anyhow, I feel like they've been together forever and don't really talk about it much. And, they are very wise and worldly.

To keep all of you updated on the growing list of names:

The Old Married Couple: Szayel and Nnoitra

The Old Divorcees: Grimmjow and Ulquiorra (Because they fight like it and actually, once shared a very drunken french kiss. It's a long story that is in the book before this one. Under the chapter: It Happened One night In A Bar.)

The Sweethearts: Orhime and Ulquiorra (Because they are just so nice to each other.)

Grimmjow and Tia don't have name yet. If you have any ideas... Just put them in the review box. It might catch on. :)

And some sad news... I had Ishida and Ichigo dubbed, the 'Newly Weds' because of the way the fought (They were not actually together..) But this was before I learned that Ichigo and Ishida were kinda sorta related. So. that's scrapped. But I think... I have two people to replace them.

But that's later.


	23. BOMC: An All New Episode! 78 Central!

Author's Note: I usually put this at the bottom of the chapter. However, the ending of this chapter demanded that I put it here instead. BOMC = Battle of the Old Married Couple. Now, here is the Soundtrack as promised:

Soundtrack for this story:

Young Volcanoes - Fall Out Boy

Marry the Night - Lady Gaga

Man for All Seasons - Robbie Williams

Umbrella - Rihanna

Do it like a Dude - Jessie J

Give Me Novacaine - Green Day

Nobody's Listening - Linkin Park

Sleep - My Chemical Romance

I think it about time that I do a disclaimer: I don't own these songs! Or these characters for that matter. Because if I did, this story would be the Anime and Ichigo would have died a long time ago and by the way I write fights, the Espada would have so won and so, yes. If I owned Bleach, this story would be on your Television screen. Not in writing. Thanks for reading! :)

* * *

"Nnoitra!"

"What?!"

"Get out of the shower!" Szayel complained from the other side of the door where he was waiting. "You've been in there for two hours! I think that your hair is clean enough!"

After Telsa's threat, Aaroniero brought the whole black trunk up to the top floor of the hotel after pulling the fire alarm. No one downstairs needed to find two people who just fell through the roof who looked like they had in fact, fallen through a roof.

Now that the firefighters were investigating the hole and the news stations were swarming the nearest park that had a two-seat airplane crash into it, Szayel and Nnoitra had time to take a shower.

After shoving their broken Gigais into the large black trunk and Aaroniero crept back down stairs to get two connecting rooms for himself, everyone was relaxing anywhere they wanted.

Szayel knocked on the bathroom door again, five minutes later. "Get out of the shower this minute, Nnoitra! I am your husband and-"

"We're not even married!" He yelled back, "I can do what I want! Yay!"

"After fifty years, what should I call us?!"

Telsa gave Rudbornn a worried look. This could turn out really bad…

"And I mean really." Telsa added.

"Get out of the shower now before I come in there and drag you out by your super shiny hair!" Szayel screamed, making Aaroniero thankful no one could hear or see them anymore. Or the manager was sure to come a-knocking to tell them all to quite down.

"No way!" Nnoitra yelled back. Showers were one of the world's best inventions next to soap and candle lit dinners. "I out rank you! I can stay in here as long as want!"

"Oh…" Szayel crossed his arms, a deep frown settling on his features. "I see…"

"Yeah! That's right! I totally win this one! I out ra-AHH!" Nnoitra screamed, a gust of wind hitting him."Close the door! It's frickin' cold out there!"

"Nah…" Szayel shook his head. "This door is going to remain open until you agree to get out of the shower in the next next five minutes."

"No! I am having a nice shower! And now it's cold because you open the door!"

"Fine then." Szayel walked inside the bathroom and unbeknownst to Nnoitra, took all of the towels off the rack. "If this is how you want to play…." He piled the small washcloth by the sink on the stack and tossed it out the open door at Telsa who tried to catch them."Go ahead, Honey! Shower all you want!"

"Thanks!"

"Ah-uh…" Szayel smirked and closed the door, leaving Nnoitra with no towels, hairdryer or bathmat. "And so." He turned to Aaroniero, Telsa and Rudbornn who were trying not the laugh. "While I was flying, I came up with a plan. A simple but effective one at that. So, if you all want to sit down and wait for the screaming, I will be glad to tell you all that I thought of."

Everyone sat down a second later.

Telsa stole the chair by the window, Aaroniero was in the spinning chair a the desk and Rudbornn sprawled on one of the twin beds.  
"And thank you…" Szayel muttered, sitting down on the other bed like a normal person, "For leaving me some room. Now. Yammy, we cannot kill directly, so I was thinking that we do so…indirectly. With poison."

Telsa shook his head as Aaroniero and Rudbornn opened their mouths to ask, 'what poison'. If they asked, Szayel would surely go on forever.

And ever.

"And where do we have to go the get this poison?" Telsa asked a far better question.

"That, I have to research." Szayel replied, wishing once again he brought his computer. He left it behind because he thought he would not need it as he was only supposed to be gone a day. Not three.

"Okay." Telsa nodded, "You can go downstairs to the computers while Rud, Lord Aaroniero and I wait for the reinforcements."

"Sounds go-reinforcements? Who said we-"

"While you were being healed, I suggested to Lord Aaroniero that we call Tia for some reinforcements as Aaroniero-"

"Lord!" The Fifth Espada corrected, liking his title.

"I apologize." Telsa bowed a little in his chair, "Lord Aaroniero is the only one who can still be seen by humans and I know that we are in need of some more help. So, Queen Harribel agreed and they are on their way as we speak."

Szayel didn't like this idea. It sounded… Suspicious.

"She was so kind as to send us Gantenbainne Mosqueda and Circci Sanderwicci."

_Yep. This was not a good idea._

"I see." Szayel reached up his hand and fixed his ever-sliding glasses.

"You don't sound very pleased." Rudbornn observed, watching the Fourth Espada stand up stiffly.

"Let us just say that Circci and I have never gotten along."

"Why?" Aaroniero blurted out before Telsa could even make a move to stop him. "She's hot!"

Szayel looked up at the ceiling. "It is a rather short and simple story why she and I do not get along. Soon after my place the Espadas, she seemed to think I wanted to go out with her. Which is completely wrong and it took her forever to realize that I would never care about her. It was not until I finally snapped that she decided to stay away from me. But that is not where our history ends. Sadly. Soon after my reinstatement twenty years later, she accused me of being nothing than a status climbing prostitute. And so, no. We do not get along."

"Were you?"

"No, Aaroniero." Szayel walked over to the door of the hotel room and opened it. "I wasn't and if you ever bring it up again, I will kill you."

Aaroniero grinned. Only to hear the door shut with a slam.

That was not a normal death threat. Most of the time, he could shrug them off because no one meant it.

But this one… It was real.


	24. In The Darkness

"So…" Grimmjow sighed heavily as he walked down the hallway with Ulquiorra towards his room. After Tia told Grimmjow that he could not take Orihime Hollow hunting, the daily lesson was brought to an end. "You failed to get Tia away from her throne."

"That is correct." Ulquiorra replied blankly. "I can attempt it again tomorrow."

"Don't." Grimmjow patted his buddy on the shoulder, (much to his dislike). "She will just be more upset and with things like love, you don't want to force anything to happen."

"True." Ulquiorra agreed, "And now, I must return to my work. I shall see you later."

"Yeah." Grimmjow couldn't help but sigh again. "Thanks for your help anyway."

"Think nothing of it." The First Espada disappeared. Leaving Grimmjow to his lonesome. He sighed again and opened the door of his room and went straight to bed.

* * *

_It isn't going to work. We are going to have to change our plans once again. With Carbon Monoxide detectors, it will be impossible. Even if we switch poisons, we will still need to plan everything carefully. I could use cyanide…but… that would make too much of a ruckus as those poisoned usually scream and scream until they drop dead. But on another note, maybe they don't have detectors in such a desert area… I guess we are going to have to take the risk and go a-_

Szayel's hands froze on the keyboard as he saw someone walk into the computer room, unaware of his presence. _And now I have to leave. _He mashed a few keys and the screen began to act up like the computer was broken and all of the windows closed.

He made his way over to the door of the computer room and paused. _I can't get out of here until someone else walks in…and Ah. Thank you so much for opening the door._

Szayel walked through the lobby that was full of reporters and emergency crew to the steps leading upstairs. _And what's worse about all of this, I have to put up with two incompetent Pravion Espadas. And I hope that Nnoitra is out of that shower by the time I get upstairs or I am going to drag him out of there. _

_At least I don't have to literally walk up all these steps to the Fourteenth Floor. I can use Sindo. What a life saver it is._

He knocked on the hotel room door where Aaroniero and the others were to stay. Inside he could hear the faint voices all talking. _The reinforcements are here. Sadly. _

"Hey." Rudbornn whispered as he cracked the door open to make sure it wasn't a Soul Reaper. "Come in, Szayelaporro-sama."

"Thank you." He muttered, walking past the Fraccion who seemed to respect him unlike the Pravion Espadas who were know to gossip. Inside the room, Gantenbainne Mosqueda was sitting on the floor next to his portable record player and Circci was sitting on the bed that Aaroniero would have claimed, but he was too scared of her and was now sitting on the floor next to Gantenbainne instead.

"Hey! Szayel!" Aaroniero called him over to the scene. "Look who we have here! Gantenbainne and….oh… yeah… Hehe… Sorry… her."

The two shared a glare from across the room.

"Hello Szayel."

"Hello Circci."

"See?" Aaroniero smiled, standing up between the two to keep the peace."It isn't that hard to say hi to one another, no? Now. Why don't you two just apologize the easy way and we can all be friends?"

Telsa almost burst into tears from where he was sitting by the window heater. _No… no…. How thick headed can Aaroniero be?! This… fight has been going on for years! What kind of-_

"_Ass do you think you are?!" _Circci yelled, shoving the fifth Espada out of the way and onto the floor. "And why the hell was I sent to take orders from the likes of you?"

"Me?' Szayel smirked, pointing oh-so innocently at himself. "Because. I am just better than you. That's why."

"I am far better than you will ever be." She knew better than to buy the words coming out of his mouth. "I may have been cast aside as nothing more than an antiquity… But at least, unlike you… I didn't have to use people to climb my way to the top."

"I never used anyone!" Szayel spat back, stepping closer. "Jealous are we of my glory? I think so. Little…Green…one?"

"Guys!" Aaroneiro tried to step between the two, but was only thrown back on the floor again.

"I am hardy green." Circci had to laugh at the idea of her being jealous of someone far below her. "In fact, I honesty pity you. You find such joy in destroying others that you never worry about those who are seeking revenge."

"Are you saying that you want to try and kill me?"

"Yes. I am glad your small brain can rap around the concept." Circci waited long enough. "I want my place in the Espada returned to me and I know one thing you don't know."

"Oh…" Szayel reached a hand up to fix his hair, "And what is that? I would really like to see you kill me. We are distances apart and you will never-"

Circci's strong hands were wrapped around his neck before he could speak.

"I told you!" She laughed, sending him to his knees with a swift blow to the stomach. "I told you I know something you don't! Want to know what it is? Is… is that a nod, I see? Yes…" All of these years of waiting for Aizen to die finally payed off. She was going to return to her rightful throne next to Harribel! "I shall tell you, oh master of the mind. You may out rank me. You may be stronger than I when you use your Resurreccion, but I… I have far more strength than you in my natural form! Don't resist me… just die!"

Rudbornn wasn't sure what to do. He looked at Telsa and Aaroniero who were watching the scene in pure shock.

No one had ever just used their bare hands to attack an Espada besides Nnoitra.

"I…I don't wa…" Szayel choked out, letting his arms fall to his side. It was no use trying to lay a hand on Circci. It would send too much of the air left in his lungs to his limbs. "tel…Sword….Te…"

"I am not going to let you use your sword!" Circci loved the feeling of his panicked form under her fingers. _I am so close…so… "_I'm gonna crush your damn windpipe so you will never be able to use Resurreccion again."

_I am close! I can almost feel his last breath… _

_All right… It is time to think…what should I do? I… everything… so…I…can't…_

"_Why don't you listen to me, then?"_

_Who the…hell…are you?_

"_Someone you know very well. I have just been hiding out here in the dark under a mass of souls for ages."_

_Who?!_

"_In fact, this may be my last whisper. Which is rather-"_

_Save me! Now, voice!_

"_Oh, dear… I do talk too much. Don't I? I suppose I do. But so do you. It is not much of a surprise as I am you."_

_What… do you…_

"_Well, you thought you ate me so long ago. Which is true. But you only ate half of me. Well… more than a half. This voice speaking to you is only a sixth of what is left of-"_

_No. No! It can't be you! _

"_But it is. Haha. We are both so full of fun, no? Little me… Little Alair whom you were formed after. Now, what do you want?"_

_Why are you… being so compliant, Original soul?!_

"_Because. I like you. I may have complained, but you and I, Szayel. We got along well with one another for years. Now, since you've given me a taste of power, I wish to repay you. And if you are wondering, yes. I am quite twisted. How could you be so, if I were kind hearted? On another note, tell Ceion that my swift inheritance was no mistake will you?"_

_I don't care! Soul. You have to save me now, or we both die and we both go to hell. _

"_Oh.. Hell. Interesting place. Never been there."_

_Why do you keep talking?!_

"_As I said, this is my last whisper before I use all of my energy and disappear forever."_

_Then use your last whisper for something useful, damn it! I think my neck is about to break!_

"_Oh. Yes. A neck. It's been ages since I have had a proper one. Now, how to save it. You. Us. Well….you. Dear little inner voice that took over one day and nearly destroyed me completely. And…I can't see out of the dark. What do you see?"_

_I don't know. I see…stars._

"_Damn… that is a bloody bother. Then, I suppose… You are going to have to bite them."_

_What do you-_

"_You have teeth, no? Hell, you might have an extra one with me in here. Yes? You have a set of teeth? Then, turn your head as best as you can and sink you teeth into their wrist or hand. Bound to get to them to let go."_

_It's the only way, I…_

Circci shrieked and Szayel fell to the floor, gasping.

"_See?"_

"How?! How did you get through my Hierro?! Why you little-"

_Ow… this hurts… she learned how to kick from me… damn it…_

"_I can still get you out of this. Bite the ankle! Three- Oh. Wonderful. I didn't even have to count."_

_Thank you and… _In his blurred vision, Szayel saw Circci taken hostage and whisked out of the picture. _Thank you, Aaroniero… _

"_You have some nice fr-oh no! This…this is it! No! I don't want to disappear yet! Szayel! Do something! I just saved your life! You own me, bitch!"_

_I know I do…but…_

"_Please! One more day! One more day! That is all I ask!"_

_Will Riatsu do the trick? _

"_Maybe! You understand how well we get along! I will be silent! Please!"_

_I… _

"_I don't have much time! If you let me die, I will-"_

_You can't do anything to me in your state, soul!_

"_Yes. I know! Please!"_

Szayel sighed, to tired to refuse. "Fine. One more day….Alair… one more day."

* * *

Author's note: Interesting, no? Take in mind that all of my Bleach Stories (One-shots not included) connect. So, if you wish to know more about this curious turn of events before the next chapter, you can read Life of a Caterpillar and then scream in joy. Those who wish not to, all will be explained inside this story. No worries. :)

Thanks to Spottedmask for pre-reading this chapter and tell me (ordering me at gun-point) to post it.


	25. A Call To Arms

"Wonderful." Tia listened to Aaroniero report. "Not that I am upset. More than one rumor gets around when you are the only woman Espada. And yes, I will not send Melony and Lolly. I will see you later, Aaroniero."

"What was that all about?" Grimmjow asked from where he was sitting at the foot of her throne. Today he offered to help her with her work and for once, she accepted.

"Circci's dead." Tia noted, turning her attention Ulquiorra who just entered with a subject at his side. "And what may I help you-"

"How?" Grimmjow wanted to know everything."

"Nnoitra ran her through. Now, what can I do for you?" Tia asked the Vasto Lorde standing miles below on the ground. He had orange skin and his whole hollow mask had the looks of a kind of shelled Insect. On his face was a smug smile that only widened as he spoke. "I am Kaakua Kurra. I reign over a part of the Forest of Menos. I have come to appeal to you, Harribel."

"And what do you want?" Tia frowned at his casual adress. "Do I have to kick your ass out of here? Or do you have more respect for your Queen?"

"Why?" Grimmjow needed more details.

Tia sighed. "Age old fight. Vasto Lorde. I see you are not going to address me properly. Speak anyhow...Trash."

"We in the forest of Menos find it unfitting for you to be the Queen of our world." Kaakua stated, stepping towards the throne. "Where as I have won the Majority vote."

"Well." Tia glanced at Grimmjow and Ulquiorra who was . "This is the Electoral College. You lose. And why, may I ask you find me suitable for this position. And I would be very careful what you say. I am a Vasto Lorde as well as an Arrancar. Unlike yourself."

"You forced our world into isolation and are causing many of my subjects to-"

"Your subjects?" Tia glared down at this hollow who thought he had any power. "This is my world and I am its Queen. I am the Goddess. Why must every hollow come in here and declare that I am unsuited? For weeks on end, that is all I have been hearing."

"And as a woman, it is not your pla-"

"Cero."

Grimmjow's eyes were blinded by Tia's yellow energy. "Ouch….What a way…"

"To get rid of Sexist Jerks." Ulquiorra knew he would be seeing spots for the rest of his life at this rate. Most every hollow who came in to the throne room was blasted apart by Tia due to their sexist remarks. The only reason that this occurred was due to the lack of Female hollows in the world as a whole. And those who were Female usually did not make it past Adjeches level and were ultimately eaten by the males. Which just made Tia more upset by the Sexist way of her world. "And so… we have no more appointments today."

"Great." Tia slumped in her throne. "The day is-

"And what happened to Circci and Gantabeinne?"

"Both of them are dead." Tia said with a yawn.

"Wait…" Grimmjow only heard of one croak, not two. "What happened to Gantabainne?"

"He attacked after Circci was killed and Aaroniero took care of him."

"Don't the two of them know how short we are on Fracciones?!"

"Yes. You are correct… That is why Aaroniero said not to send any one else.. He is smarter than the two give him credit for; however, I do not blame Nnoitra and Szayel for ridding of the Pravion. Besides, their deaths open a few more spaces for replacements."

"Tia." Ulquiorra began, walking up the base of the throne. "The Pravion Espada were only created because they were the previous Espada and had no place in the Espada. It was a mere vanity title."

"Yes. However, I feel as if we should keep the three orders. The Numeros, Pravion and the Espada."

"And are you going to be creating anymore Numeros with the Hyroguko?"

"No, Ulquiorra. Not at this time. However, if you two wish to assist me, I am considering coming up with guidelines for the Auditions for new Espadas. We are only six. And I know we are need of ten. Not to keep things the same as it were in Aizen was on the throne. However, we need replacements to create our orginal strength if something were to happen with Soul Society."

"True." Grimmjow agreed, "And who can audition?"

"Anyone who can get a recommendation from an Espada. Even the most simple of hollow can audition if one of us finds talent in them."

"And…" Ulquiorra hated to ask, but he knew what Orihime had her heart set on, she would get. "Would the auditions allow Orihime a fair chance?"

"I do not see why she cannot audition. Take in mind, I shall be picking from the Vasto Lorde and Adjches classes, mostly. And, Fracciones can be recommended as well. However, those who cannot evolve will be second choice."

"Thank you, my Lady." Ulquiorra could not wait to tell Orihime the wonderful news. If he could train her to battle Adjches, she would surely have her place in the order. "And, how shall we conduct these audition. Many hollows who have their masks removed, becomes more powerful. And some do not. Even though they have more Riatsu. One perfect example of this is Zommari Rureaux had more Riatsu after his mask was removed than Szayelaporro and yet Zommari was not as powerful nor did he have as many individual talents. You, Lady Tia have a smaller Riatsu than myself and yet you have more Individual talents."

"True." Tia never quite understood how she was ranked like she was. When Ulquiorra released his sword, his black/green Riatsu spread for kilometers and yet, she was ranked higher than he was. "So, what you are saying is that the Riatsu can change drastically or stay the same after our masks are broken, staggering results in a way. So, it is up to myself to properly order the new Espadas."

"Yes and there are those who will no evolve farther, such as Grimmjow Fracciones since he ate pieces of them."

"So, we have a difficult task ahead of us." Tia summarized. "And how shall we conduct these auditions. Will they be Riatsu based or Talent Based?"

"I think that…" Grimmjow glanced around at the very nice palace he was sitting in. "It would be safer to audition talent wise since I do not want to spend the next five years fixing this place up. And as Ulquiorra says, Riatsu levels change after a mask is broken. So, we just pick our top…"

"Four." Tia hoped that the group on earth was figuring out how to rid of Yammy.

"Four and then break their masks…then assign an number."

"But if we do it that way," Ulquiorra did not want to step down from his position. "They may rank above us."

"No. That is highly unlikely." Tia understood his concern, "but according to my calculations, there should be no Arrancar that should rank higher than us. We have been around longer and so, we have consumed more souls. So any one of the hollows out there has to have been created after us. So…do you see where I am going?'

"Yes. Those created after us have to be weaker."

"And…" Grimmjow had to put this out there. "You won't select Hollows who collide with us… Let's say…a Dog Hollow might not be the best choice."

Tia nodded, "I will refrain from…" She snickered a little. The idea of Grimmjow being chased down the hallway by a Dog Hollow was quite amusing. "Adding any predatory kinds."

"Wonderful." Ulquiorra had no idea what kind of hollow he was, but hoped there wasn't a kind of thing that like to eat his kind. "And what kinds do we have so far? Just so I can make a list."

"Good idea, Ulquiorra. We have, by number. Five. A Squid Hollow. Four. A Butterfly Hollow. Three. A Cat Hollow. Two. Praying Mantis Hollow. One. A… Ah…" Tia glanced down at Ulquiorra. "Ah… something Hollow."

"Noted. Next?"

"Zero. A Shark Hollow."

"Thank you. Now, if you don't mind my saying… isn't it kind of strange?" Ulquiorra had to point it out. "You're going out with Grimmjow… and cats tend to not like water. No?"

"Not unless it is a big cat." Grimmjow defended himself. "Big cats like tigers like water, Emo."

"Emo. Emo. I don't care. What else shall I put on the list besides, make posters?"

"Don't make posters." Tia liked the idea but, "I don't want Soul Society to view us as weak and incomplete. The selections for the Auditions shall be done quietly and discreetly."

"As you wish." Grimmjow muttered, liking the idea of sneaking around and observing hollows from a far. "I shall see you later for dinner."

"What?" Tia cried a second after he disappeared. "Ah… fine, fine, Grimmjow. I shall come to dinner if that is what you want. Ulquiorra. You are to take his guard post for the evening. Thank you."


	26. Never Ending Never Beginning

He was drowning.

All of his thoughts turning into a bottomless pit.

Never ending. Never beginning.

_I see we are not sleeping well again._

_It's all right, though. Cry all you want, I won't laugh at you. I promise._

_Although…_

A gentle hand slipped across his mouth, of which he was grateful.

_One does not want to be heard…._

_I, however wish to be… You will listen to my ramblings, won't you? At four in the morning?…I suppose they are why I cannot sleep either. All of these thoughts are running through my head. Thankfully they are not to the ones making you cry._

_And for that, I am truly sorry._

_It is a part of your very nature. As it is mine to experience insanity…__I do not fully understand myself…If I did, I would know of a way to comfort you better… yet…_

_I, for once, know nothing on the matter._

_You should try and get some sleep…it would be best for you…_

_And as always, I shall speak not of this night for your sake._

_Just as you have done the same for me when reality slips away from my grasp…granted, I have been quite a while without a incident…_  
_But that is besides the point, isn't it, my love?_

A hand gently caressed his face, wishing him to fall away from the darkness filling his heart. Despair is not so horrible. It only reminds us of what we long for that we which do not have…Don't worry so, you have everything you ever wanted.

Nnoitra felt his tears subside and his mind become numb to the world around him.

He was right.

Szayel always was.

Despair was a part of who he was…and always would be.

* * *

"Okay, guys…" Aaroniero closed the front door of the hotel room. Ned had just stopped by looking for Romeo and Theresa and was so kind to return Yumichika's sword to him. ("After I almost stabbed myself with it on accident, I thought you might want it back.")

"I have good news and bad news. And…" Aaroniero counted the people in the room. Telsa, Szayel, Rudbornn and himself. "Where is Nnoitra?"

"Sleeping." Szayel replied simply. "So what is the news?"

"Oh. I see." Aaroniero sighed. He knew he was going to have to retell Nnoitra the whole meeting once he got out of bed. "Anyhow. Good news first. I can still use Kido and change forms. We also have the Soul Reaper's sword back. Even though it screams at me every time I hold it and it gives us both a horrible headache. On the same note, Tia will not be sending us Loly or Melony, thankfully and now some bad news, we haven't been attacked by hollows lately because Yammy has been taking care of every single on in Las Vegas. So…Yeah. And as for Soul Reapers, Yammy got rid of them too. So. We are at a great advantage here. That was good news. Now, more bad news is that I am on the only one who can be seen by humans and interact with them without them screaming. So, this whole mission is on my shoulders in a way. Second bad news is that Yammy has a show in Caesar's Palace and it's going to be really hard to get tickets that are not months out."

"And…" Telsa hated to point it out, but it were true. "Why do you keep alternating between good and bad news? Why not tell us one side at a time?"

"Because we keep remembering things!" Aaroniero cried, throwing his arms into the air. "But, on good news side, you all can sneak in without tickets… Now, this is something that I thought of watching the traffic outside the window last night. Neither of us could get to sleep, so we sat up talking to one another."

"Oh… yes." Rudbornn nearly forgot that Aaroniero was two little Gillian in a glass jar. "And what, may I ask you discovered, Lord Aaroniero?"

"That Yammy must have a limousine. So. We break the vent system and then, when he gets into the car, we use what ever… poison Szayel suggested."

"Ah…" The Pink-haired Espada smiled, his eyes lighting up. "Aaroniero. I must say this. You are… this is going to hurt, damn it! But… that is a… a… really good. I mean, not so… great. But-"

"Just admit it." Aaroniero grinned widely. "I'm a genius."

"…That…" Szayel slumped in the chair he was sitting in. "A really…. Good…Idea." He spat out before he could change his wording. "And even better, we could make it so that the air conditioner filtered in the CO2 and-"

"What is CO2?" Telsa didn't speak scientist.

"It is the chemical make up of the poison we are going to use." Szayel replied, not wanting to have to explain any farther. If Aaroneiro the smart ass genius wanted to, he could. "So, that is what we shall do. We shall also make it so that the car cannot move. We don't want it crashing into others and drawing attention to Yammy's death."

"And…" Aaroniero continued, "Yammy was wearing a whole costume when we came down a year ago that I am sure he had to change out as it began to fall apart So, once we knock him out, or he's dead. We slam him out of his Gigai-If we could get Gigais from that shopkeeper, I am sure Yammy could.- we use the Soul Reaper's sword and make it look like it was just routine and Yammy's soul passes on to Soul Society and we don't have to see him ever again."

"But don't… people know which soul reaper killed what hollow?" Telsa was sure that Soul Reapers had a system to figure it out.

"I am sure they do." Aaroniero loved giving speeches. "And that is why, once Yammy is dead, we send Yumichika to earth and leave him in Las Vegas so that nothing is suspected or something like that. And while he's here, we get Yylfordt back from Soul Society."

"What?" Szayel hadn't heard this. "You mean, Tia sent my brother to Soul Society? Interesting. We should leave him there to rot."

"Ah…"

"On another note…." Szayel stood up and walked over to the black trunk that he and Nnoitra barely fit Circci's body inside. Gantabainne being to big to add as well, they gave him to Aaroniero as a thank you gift for bringing up Lumina. "What time of year is it?"

"January." Telsa knew exactly what Szayel was thinking. "But I don't think it's too late…"

"Wonderful."

"But it's Sunday. So tomorrow."

"All right. Sunday. Perfect. No one will be where we need to go." Szayel danced back to his seat and sat down.

"And…" Aaroniero didn't like the way he was smiling. "Where is… that?"

* * *

"Welcome." Szayel spread his arms wide in presentation. "To CO2 Heaven."

"Co2 heaven?" Telsa was ready to throw up. "This is more like hell."

"What ever." It took them a good three hours and stealing Ned's keys to get here. Not that any of them cared what they took from stupid humans, but it was going to be a long ride back. "It's just a meat factory." Szayel walked through the gory muck and suspicious gunk towards the large closed rolling doors. "My latest chemistry project destroyed my sense of smell."

"Uh…" Telsa smiled squeamishly, glancing over his shoulder at Aaroniero who was already bent over and Rudbornn was at his side for consolation. "That's…wonderful…"

"Just kidding." Szayel studied the doors, searching for some kind of open switch. "I can smell everything you can. I just don't care. This is no worse than my lab back in the day of Qunicies."

"Ew…" Telsa wished he had stayed home today as a wave of even more stink washed over him as the doors slid open to reveal hanging meat and dangerous machinery. "This is nasty. And why…." He was so close… He really didn't want to…but it was so bad. "Are we here?"

Szayel fixed his glasses and marched right through the doors as if it were a beautiful garden. "We need to find five large canisters. They should be about this…. Tall and they…" He sighed. No one was listening. They were all busy tossing their lunches.

He rolled his eyes and sighed again. It was going to be awhile, wasn't it?

* * *

Author's note: This is going to be fun...The Aspects of Death will play a part of the story.


	27. Take A Swirl or Else

"And now." Szayel climbed back into the van three hours later while Aaroniero shoved five large canisters into the trunk area behind the last row of seats. "We go home."

"And never talk about food again." Telsa muttered, still feeling sick even though he could no longer smell the horrid stench. His nose had adjusted to soon after they arrived. "Because I don't think I will be able to eat ever again."

"Agreed…" Aaroniero resisted gagging as his foot stepped into some more gush as he closed the trunk. "And we never, ever come back here."

"We won't have to, if we pull this off." Szayel told him, taking the passenger's seat. "And now, we head to Vegas and you, Natalie check out Yammy's show tonight."

"But you said that it would take months to get a seat!"

"Not unless you eat someone who has a ticket." Szayel had to admit that Aaroniero's power was rather neat. The possibilities were endless like his evolution.

"Tu…true." Aaroniero wanted to go home and take a bath in soap. The floor of the meat factory was so slick gunk, that he, Rudbornn and Telsa all slipped and crashed into one another. Soon Szayel fell into the mess while trying to help them to their feet. So they were all covered head to toe…in… they didn't even want to guess.

"And…" Szayel hated to note it, but…"You all reek."

"Thanks…." Aaroniero whispered, climbing into the driver's seat. "So do you…And out of all of this… I cannot wait to give Ned his van back. All stinky and gooey."

"Me neither…" Telsa was sure that Ned wouldn't mind the pieces of cow intestines on the floor mats at all.

"At least…" Rudbornn like to look at the bright side of life. "There is no missing lunch on the floor."

"You're right." Aaroniero stared the car and was about to reach for the stereo when Szayel changed the channel for him. "The only thing that could make this worse, would be a skunk in the car."

"And thankfully…" Rudbornn checked under his row of seats that was far, far away from Telsa who was covered head to toe. (Not that he wasn't as well, but the smell of the stuff on Telsa was nasty as he was at the bottom of the stack up.) "There is no skunk to be seen in this car."

"And the air conditioning works." Szayel cranked it to high and rolled down all of the windows. Careful not to touch Aaroniero as he leaned over the driver's seat to press the buttons. He didn't need more grimy guts on him."I know one thing though, my fellow Arrancars; no one is ever going to get this stench out of the car! Use any cleaning product you want… but it's not going to happen."

"And whoa…" Nnoitra nearly died. "What the hell happened to you and what the fuck is that stench?! It reeks! And what's worse is that I am the only one who can smell the whole disaster! It smells worse than Circci over there!"

"Yeah…" Szayel reached up with his hand and brushed some grey goop off his head that fell to the floor with a splat. "It's a long story. Involving, tripping and sliding across a floor."

"Yeah… what ever. You three. Shower, now." Nnoitra pointed to the small bathroom to the right inside the room. "And Szayel, come in here and don't touch anything! That goes for all of you! I don't want this…what is this shit?!"

"Dead poultry." Aaroniero began to step through the door when Nnoitra cried, "wait! Don't come in here! This is my room! I don't want this… gunk all over!"

"Um… Then…" Telsa began, feeling some of the goo drip off his hair onto the floor. "Can you open the other door? You know. To Aaroniero's room?"

"Yeah." The Fifth Espada didn't care that Telsa didn't use 'Lord' before his name. He just wanted to take a shower as soon as possible. "…Please?"

"Yeah!" Nnoitra cried, "Don't move! Don't breathe and don't touch anything!" He bolted over to the connecting door, thew it open and had the other hotel room door open in less than five seconds. "I am so glad no one is in the hall to see this! Now, you three! Shower now! I don't care who goes first! But you all have to stay IN the bathroom because I am not cleaning up!"

"Don't worry." Rudbornn hated to say this, but he was the only one who could do it properly. "I will clean."

"Thanks! Go shower! And Szayel, come in here and get in the shower this instant!"

"Will do." As much as Szayel liked messy experiments, this mess had to go. Besides, it wasn't meat of anything interesting. "But… do you want some?" He held out some stringy meat to Nnoitra. "It doesn't taste half bad."

"Arrg! That's…" Nnoitra couldn't find the word to describe how, "Vile! Shower!"

"I'm getting there…Um…." Szayel picked something off his pants leg and popped it in his mouth. "Not half bad as well… At least we didn't need any snacks on the way ho-"

Nnoitra grabbed his arm and dragged him inside the small bathroom. "Shower! Damn it! Shower, now! Before I shove you in there and turn on the water! And if I do that, it will be cold water!"

"Eeep…." Szayel hated the cold. "I guess… I should get-"

Nnoitra pulled aside the shower curtain. "One… Two…"

"Okay!" Szayel gave in and after trying to unbutton his shirt with slick hands, got into the shower.

"This is nasty!" Aaroniero cried, not wanting to clean up the goo beginning to clog up the drain.

"And you're the one to say that…" Telsa had gone to using the small sink to get all of the grease and ick out of his hair until it was his turn to jump in the shower. "Are you about done?"

"Hell no! I still am working on my hair!"

"Well…" Rudbornn sighed from where he was sitting on the closed toilet. "When one of you are done, please let me know."

"You don't have to wait." Telsa noted, wishing that the small bar of soap worked better on this grime. "You're sitting on a useable appliance."

For the first time in his life, Rudbornn gasped. "Telsa! I am not going to-"

"Face it, Rud. The worse has already happened to you! So, taking a head dunk in the toilet isn't going to kill you! In fact, it might be cleaner than what we slipped in and, it would do a very good job at getting the gunk off your head. And! May I point out, the only danger is if you get sucked down the loo when ya flush! Which, isn't going to happen because you are too large in size. So. You can either wait until I am done or Aaroniero is, or take a swirl."

"I'll…." Rudbornn wished he didn't have to do this….but…"Do I hold my breath?"

"I don't know!" Telsa cried, "I've never taken a swirl!"

"Then you making me take one?!"

'Because, I thought it might be better than sitting around while this stuff dries!"

"I suppose you are right…" Rudbornn sighed heavily and lifted the lid. "And… are you sure, that I wouldn't sucked into the sewers?"

"Yes. If you want." Telsa was going to keep his post at the sink if it were the last thing he would ever do. "I. Will hold. Your foot!"

"Thanks…"

"This is weird…" Aaroniero noted, hearing the toilet flush from the other side of curtain a minute later.

"But at least…" Rudbornn smiled. "I am in fact, cleaner."

"Oh great." The Fifth Espada rolled his eyes way up at the ceiling. "And don't tell me, you are going to…flush again…and… again.. And, hey! We are wasting water here! Don't-"

"Do you want me to have goop all over me for the next five years, sir?"

"Uh… No, Rudbornn. I wouldn't."

"Then, don't complain!"

"Okay! I won't! Flush all you want! It will give you a nice hair-do!"

"Speaking of which…" Telsa finally identified the brown not-goo, but not meat on the back of his left pant leg. "I think I may have slipped into some."  
"AHH!" Aaaroniero and Rudbornn screamed, making Nnoitra who was standing next to the bathroom door of his own hotel room, wince.

"Nnoitra!" Szayel called over the shower. "I can't seem to get this all out…Any ideas?"

"Um…None." Nnoitra was thankful he stayed home in bed all day. "I wish I did…"

"Ah… how sad…" Szayel lamented, "because I have some gunk in my glasses of all things."

"…Ew."

Twenty minutes later, Szayel walked out of the bathroom in a robe and displeased look pasted on his face. "The grease is going to take a few more showers. At least I am not covered in grime anymore nor do I stink…so much."

"Yeah." Nnoitra was going to make him sleep on the floor tonight. "We might need to go out and get something to remedy that."

"Agreed." Szayel sat down in the chair by the window, thinking for a moment. "And since Aaroniero surely isn't cleaned up by now, I suggest that we postpone going to the show until tomorrow. And that's Monday. I love Monday. It's a wonderful day…."

"What…" Nnoitra gave him a look. "What are you going to do?"

"Ah.. I can't tell you. It's too brilliant to be shared."

"Szayel…"

"What?"

"Tell me. What you are planning."

"Ah… fine… Just help me get this last piece of gunk out of my glasses. I tried to remove it, but like a bandage, it causes my mask to hurt every time I try to-ow!"

Nnoitra held up a few strands of something, "There. Now. What is your plan?"

* * *

Author's note: I almost died of laughter this chapter. I am sorry about the bathroom humor, but it had to happen. That is all. Telsa's rant is EPIC and I am trying not to laugh as I type this. (In a public place. Great!) Anyhow, at least everyone is clean now. Ned's poor car...


	28. Aspects of Death

Aaroniero winced as he knocked on the door connecting the hotel rooms after he got out of the shower.

He could tell there was a argument in the making as he could hear angry muffled voices. "Hey, guys?…guys?!"

"What do you want?!" Szayel threw the door open. He was hardly happy by this interruption. And why the hell should Nnotira care in the first place.

"Um. I was thinking that we should get this whole mess with Yammy over with. I don't want to spend another night here and why do we keep getting sidetracked an-"

"We are not sidetracked!" Szayel yelled in his face. "And Nnoitra, he deserves it!"

"Hell no, Fornicaras! You already made his life a living hell, I am not going to let you-"

"You aren't the one paying for postage! Shut up your mouth!" Szayel yelled over his shoulder.

"I don't care who pays!" Nnoitra thought it was about time that Yylfordt and Szayel just stopped talking. Forever. They had been tormenting each other for too long. "And besides, it's just-"

Szayel spun around to face Nnoitra who was sitting on the bed, putting his shoes on. "Why does it sound like you are defending Yylfordt, may I ask? Do you think I should not send his girlfriend's head to him?"

"Yes. It is. I think you two just need to never talk to one another again. I am not saying that either of you are right. I am up there." Nnoitra gestured to his own neck. "Now, I am sure if I had to put up with a stupid sibling, they would be dead by now and… Szayel… Why haven't you just killed him already?!"

A sadistic smile appeared on his delicate features. "Because…to kill him would be doing him a favor. You know what happened to his family, don't you?"

Aaroniero backed away from the door as Nnoitra's expression darkened. "What you made happen…"

"No, no…" Szayel laughed, brushing off the accusation. "It was completely his fault, I can assure you."

Nnoitra glanced at Aaroniero and sighed. It was not the place to argue any farther. "Do what you wish. But I will not defend you if it happens to backfire."

"Fair enough." Szayel was happy once again. "Now, Aaroniero, what did you need?"

* * *

"Are you inside the theatre?" Telsa asked Aaroniero, three hours later everyone was camped out in the area around Cesar's palace waiting for the all clear signal to move in. Telsa watched Natalie make her way up to the ticket booth with a ticket that she took from a human she knocked out.

"No, no." Natalie had a cellphone from the same human up to her ear, "Not yet…"

"And… are you even sure you can?" Nnoitra asked from where he was hanging out in the back of a smoky casino with Szayel. Who at the moment was coughing up a lung due to the air quality. "What does your ticket say? I mean, the name, damn it!"

"Alice Mimka." Natalie walked up the doors and her ticket was taken without a question. "And we have just gotten into the show, so I am going to have to let you go, dad. Thanks for the birthday gift. Talk you to you later."

"Uh…." Nnoitra gave Szayel a look. "You're welcome?"

Natalie began to broadcast the inside of the theatre to the other Espada as she sat down in the back of the third tier. "Can we see?"

"Hack-cough!" Was all that Szayel could wheeze out besides, "I…hate…taverns…."

"Yeah." Telsa took a sip from the cup of root beer that Rubornn had gotten both of them to drink while they sat on a street corner. "We can see just fine. We need you to find the dressing rooms and tell us what kind of venting is in this place. The car won't work, right?"

"Yes, because I couldn't find it parked anywhere. Why the vents?" Natalie whispered, hoping everyone around her would not notice the young woman in the back of the theatre talking to herself. "What do they have to-"

"Because…" Szayel coughed, "We d-….Don't want… the…poison to…"

"Just a sec…" Nnoitra grabbed his arm and dragged Szayel outside where could breathe. "There. Better?"

"Yeah…" Air sweet, air! "I am…Now…we don't want the poison to-… Sorry. I had to cough a little more…Oh there, I am feeling better. Now, oh.. Headache… anyway…we don't want the poison leaving the dressing room. Air, will fill any container… Does this make sense?"

"Nah…" Natalie had no clue what scientific gumbo Szayel was trying to tell her. "But I get the rest of it."

"Good, sir." Rudbornn nodded approvingly, noting that Aaroniero was lying. Rudbornn smiled sat down next to Telsa on the wooden bench, pleased it was still warm outside even at night. "And now, sit back an enjoy the show and keep us updated."

"And what should we do now?" Szayel asked Nnoitra once Natalie fell silent.

The Second Espada glanced around the casino district, "I don't know. Why don't we walk and talk a bit. I don't want to eat salad at a nice restaurant."

"We can't do that anyhow." Szayel wrapped his arm around Nnoitra's thin waist. "No one can see us, remember?"

"Yeah. I forgot."

The two walked silently through the crowd of people. Careful not to bump into the greedy humans who could still feel a Hollow's hand or foot. This being said, by the time the two of them had found a place to sit by a fountain, Szayel and Nnoitra had stepped on a few too many toes.

"So…" Szayel stared at the light colored water in front of him. "Want to tell me what thoughts were troubling you last night?"

"I don't really want to."

"Why? I tol-"

"I said I don't want to!" Nnoitra yelled. "Is that clear?"

"…Yes. It is. " Szayel looked away. "I am sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault I cannot sleep. I…I just see things I don't want to see… relive times that… would be better left behind….All the battles I could have won…you…you were right. I am and always be filled with despair."

"How true that is…"Szayel had to smile a little at his next words, "But that comes from your chronically mad husband."

"And we can't trust him at all, can we?"

"I suppose so. Because, for all I know, I could be talking to a wall right now."

"That would be a funny picture." Nnoitra propped his feet up on the fountain edge. " But…what I want to know…and I have been meaning to ask you, but who chose our aspect of death and…why do we even have one? Did it have to do with the way we died?"

"I don't think so." Szayel reached up his hand and began to mess with Nnoitra's long black hair. "I don't see how falling down the steps has anything to do with madness."

_"And neither do I. And I still don't understand what you are talkin-"  
_

_No. You, shut up. _

_"Why? I am just curious!"_

_You promised! _

The soul tried his best to sigh before tuning his mind to the small voice that was Nnoitra's:

"Oh…yeah." How could Nnoitra forget?! "You were pushed down the steps of all things… when I first met you, I thought you were some kind of Science project gone wrong who died… and well…You get the picture."

"Hah. No. I wasn't killed by some experiment." Szayel had never told anyone besides Nnoitra what truly killed his original person in the first place. "But, on another note. Yylfordt was the one who pushed me."

Nnoitra sighed and shook his head, trying not to laugh. "You always say that afterwards."

"Of course I do! It really…I was just walking up the steps and then, I am falling backwards! And I had to look at his damn smirk until my head connected with floor! I don't remember much as my original soul is long gone…but I still know enough to hate that damn smirk!"

"Ah..Huh…" Nnoitra wasn't even going to comment on the events following.

"So, how did you die of all things?"

"I don't know." Nnoitra confessed. "I don't remember anything really. Sounds…but nothing more."

"Damn…" Szayel muttered, annoyed already. Why couldn't he have forgotten?! "Anyhow. Our aspects of death are just…I don't know. A part of who we are…they may have not be a part of the person we consumed, but…it's who we are as Hollows."

"Yeah…That's the one thing I don't miss…" Nnoitra muttered, recalling the time that he and the person whom he had been fused with were one. "Having their soul screaming at you for hours on end…And having two rows teeth was a pain."

"Yes. I agree." Szayel sighed and stared up at the night sky, hoping to see any stars. "All though, he and I got along well… He took me to University because I ordered him to. Learned a lot and that's how I became a scientist."

"And why science?"

"Because…I don't know! I just found it interesting. Granted I wasn't very upset after he withered and died. I was too strong for him to continue existing."  
"Mine just was a sobbing mess." Nnoitra hated to admit it, but it was true. Who ever his human was, he just cried and cried. "Won't stop yelling at me either. Then I had to eat the damn thing."

"Aw…" Szayel frowned. "I didn't get that pleasure. I hear your own soul is the best tasting of all."

A large grin slid onto Nnoitra's face. "It was."

"I know... it was."

"Oye! Earth to Szayel! Why do you look so sad all of sudden?"

"Well... I…" Szayel stifled a laugh. This would just make him look more insane than he already was. "I have something I should tell you, that…honestly happened last night, when Ciricci tried to kill me. I... I heard a voice. when I was in the dark...it was...he, Nnoitra, I still have a piece of my original soul. I don't know how he's still inside and has been talking to me all night and...I would have killed him...Nnoitra, he...saved me life...I don't know what to..."

Szayel's voice trailed off as a hand gently caressed his face, bringing him to gaze into Nnoitra's violet eye.

"It will be fine." He said.

"I..." Szayel closed his eyes. "I know. It always will be."


	29. Aaroniero Arrurueire The Bombshell

Aaroniero Arrurueire did not pay much attention to the show. She was far more intrigued with Szayel and Nnoitra's conversation. It was rather sweet to listen to them talk so honestly to one another…

And here she was, Aaroniero. The third party.

_It is not like I do not have my own secrets…She thought to herself as she listened. So, I guess I should keep these secret as well. Nnoitra… I don't know how I died either…I keep looking inside myself and yet…I know nothing. Why am I two beings?_

_Can we ever be one? I…I want to evolve. I have consumed more than thirty thousand souls and yet… I…I am still a Gillian._

Natalie sighed and turned her attention away from the conversation that was doing nothing but making her depressed about her own existence and to the second.

"So, Rud." Telsa took another sip of Rootbeer. "What should we do?"

"I have no idea Telsa-Kun."

"Still no need for the Honor-title." Telsa laughed, "How many times do I have to tell you? You don't even need to use -kun anymore."

"Yes. I apologize." Rudbornn had been nothing but the lowly janitor for so long, he was used to always addressing people formally. "Maybe we should do something fun."

"Like…?" Telsa looked around the street where people were walking right past them.

"I have no idea. That is why I ask you. And, for your information, I still am upset with you over the swirl. I nearly got my head stuck in the loo!"

"Yeah… I'm sorry, Rud." Telsa couldn't help but grin. "Anything I can do to make it up?"

"Why don't you take a dip when we get back to the hotel."

"…Ah…" Telsa sighed heavily. There was nothing else at all? Nope. "Fine…I will…but you have to hold onto my foot! I am smaller than you!"

"It's a deal!" Rudbornn held out his hand and the Fraccion hesitantly shook it. "And now, let's go check out the casinos and hotels. Thankfully, cameras cannot see us either. With the exception of a shimmer every now and then. And if that happens, we'll be famous! All of the Ghost Hunters will be on the scene before we know it!"

"Yeah, great idea, Rud…" Telsa wanted to sit and enjoy his drink. "But I don't really want to rush around. Can I have a few more minutes of peace?"

"Sure thing." Rudbornn sat back down on the bench. "What else should I know about serving the Espada? I know I am kind of learning on the go…but…any other tips you want to share?"

"Of course I do. The next important thing to know is that your Espada is always right. Even if they get in a fight with another Espada, yours is pure and innocent. Which was a really hard thing to prove when you serve Nnoitra-sama. But anyhow. Aaroniero, in your book, is always right. Always the best at everything. And always, always… the most handsome. This one is important as saying no or hesitating can-"

Rudbornn was hit by a fountain of soda.

"Wa..." Telsa coughed, still choking. "What was that?!"

The Janitor of Los Noches looked around. "What was?"

"That…." Telsa pointed into the crowd of people. "That woman over there, winked at me! It's like she can see me!"

"Are you sure it-"

"Hey."

Rudbornn looked up to see a young dark-skinned woman with black hair smiling down at them. "What's up?"

"Ah…" Telsa glanced at his pal who wasn't sure to do. "You…you are getting really, really sleepy…"

"Ah. Not going to work." The young woman reply. "I know your kind. Ghosts like to think they can't be seen."

"She…" Rudbornn wasn't sure how much this person could see of them… but…"is a sixth-sense."

"I can see that!" Telsa snapped, not wanting the obvious stated. He turned his attention back to the human. "And… Um…why do you want to bother us?"

"Because… I'm really digging the pirate look. It's cool."

"And…" Telsa had to get her to go away. "Why don't you just leave us to our eternity on earth?"

"I thought you might be lonely!" The young woman screamed at them, upset over the fact they were being so rude. "No ghosts I have talked to have been this stuck up! And the cups of soda you are holding are floating in mid-air! I thought you might want to know!"

"Uh…Thanks?" Telsa muttered with a small grin.

"You're welcome! Good-bye, you old fart!"

Telsa nearly dropped his drink. "Wha… what?! You think I'm old?! I am not old! I look twenty-three!"

"Then how old are you, Grandpa?"

"Do…" Telsa wasn't as nice as everyone thought…"do you want me to eat your soul? Or do you want to go away so I can hunt you down and eat it later?"

Rusbornn snickered as a look of horror appeared on the young woman's face.

"I thought not." Telsa held his hand out for his best friend to share a high-five. "Now go away. Or my master will come back and kick your ass."

And that did the trick. The young woman stomped off into the crowd of people, angry and scared out of her mind.

"And that." Telsa sat down on the bench, a large grin on his face. "Is how you get rid of six-senses who think they want to help everyone. Just because they can see ghosts doesn't mean they have to save everyone."

"How true…" Rudbornn wondered what he was going to say to the next sixth-sense they met. Hopefully they would-

"Hello. What is going on here?"

Score! "Go away you dumbass human and leave me the fuckity alone!"

_Bam!_

A fist hit his face.

Sending him right off the bench.

"What the hell do you think you are doing insulting me you, ******* Fraccion!"

"Yeah, ********, have some respect!"

"Ah…" Telsa looked from Rudbornn who was being pinned to the ground by Nnoitra's foot and Szayel who was about to kick him in the gut. "Nnoitra-sama! We just had a horrible meeting with a Six-sense and, Rud here didn't mean anything. You see…" he wove together the story and the two let Rubornn go after Szayel gave him a single kick for the insulting words he used on his superior.

"And…" Szayel glanced around the crowds, "She isn't coming back is she?"

"No sir." Telsa said as he helped an moaning Rudbornn to his feet. "I highly doubt that."

"And…where…" Rudbornn wrapped an arm around his stomach. "Did you learn to kick like that?"

"Donno." Szayel sat down on top of a news stand across from the bench. "Always had strong legs I guess. Anyhow… any news from Aaroniero?"

"None." Telsa took his place on the bench again. "But so far, the show is really interesting. Yammy is fighting hollows. The humans are impressed because they can't see them."

"And those who can?" Nnoitra was sure there were more than a few six-senses in the world.

"I assume they just think they are going mad. Hollows, to those who are not, hollows, are scary. So, I don't think anyone has had the guts to speak of what they saw yet."

"Guys…."

Everyone turned their attention the broadcast in their left eyes. "What is it, Aaroniero?"

"It's intermission and I'm making my way to the dressing rooms. Meet me here in ten with the canisters. I can't take much more of this show! It's so annoying!"

"All right." Telsa who had been watching the show agreed. How much of Yammy battling one hollow after another could a person take. "We will be right there."

"And where again, are the canisters?" Rudbornn would have known if he brought one with him.

"In…" Szayel glanced up at Nnoitra. They should just go get them instead of explaining. "Be right back."

The two used sonido to return to their hotel room where the canisters had been placed after removing them from Ned's van. Thankfully, Ned was gone to Scotland with his family by now and no one would ever had to meet him again.

"And here…" Szayel appeared in front of Aaroniero who was walking swiftly down the hallways of the backstage. "Are all of the things we need. And," He held up his free hand, "we have masks so we don't breath any of it ourselves. And-"

Szayel found himself crunched in a hug along with Nnoitra. "Ah… Fishtank. Let us go…"

"I am so glad you are here!" Aaroniero patted Rudbornn and Telsa on the head before continuing to make her way down the hallway. "And… how did I not feel you coming this way?"

Nnoitra held up his wrist to show a yellow watch that was made to dampen his Riatsu. "We were all wearing one of these. Telsa and Skull-face have Tia and Grimmjow's. And your Gigai does a pretty good job of it too."

"Ah.. That's why Yammy didn't look my way…." Aaroniero understood now. "Urahara-san must of built the feature into my Gigai…"

"Lucky…" Szayel muttered, "And by the way… how did you get in here? I see locks on all the doors…."

"Well…" Aaroniero couldn't help but grin. "A pretty lady like myself has her ways."

"AHH!" Telsa screamed as a canister crushed his foot.

"What?" Nnoitra looked down at Szayel. Could Aaroniero actually charmed some guard into letting her in?! This was Fishtank! Not some… sexy showgirl!

"But you suck at flirting!" Szayel could not even believe that he and Nnoitra took time one boring afternoon last year to try and teach Aaroniero how to ask someone out. It failed horribly as Fishtank was clueless and just didn't understand why he had to buy flowers when he could just pick some off a bush. "How?!"

"Um…" Aaroniero scratched her head. Trying to think of how she ended up here. "I just said… Hey, can you let me in? And the guard was like, no. And somehow I dropped my program on the floor. After I picked it up, he was giving me love-y eyes and so, I just asked, please? And that's how I'm here."

Szayel doubled over with laughter. "Ahahaaaa…..You.. You used the bend and snap with out knowing it! Ahahaahaa… That the…. Ha… Stupidest thing….I…ever…"

"Yeah. I agree." Nnoitra snickered, picking up the canister smashing Telsa's poor foot. "Now, lets get a move on. He can still hear us, you know."

"Oh." Szayel composed himself in less than a second. "I agree."

"So…" Aaroniero stared at the closed door of Yammy's dressing room. "It even has a gold star on it… And what do we do now? Want me to use my charms?"

"Hell no!" Nnoitra didn't want to see Aaroniero try flirt. Ever!

"Shh!" Szayel held his finger to his lips. "We don't even know if he's in there! Can anyone see through walls?"

Everyone looked at everyone else standing in the hallway.

"I guess not." Szayel sighed and stepped up to the door. "We will have to do it the old fashioned way…" He gently turned the door knob and opened the door a crack.

Silence.

Perfect.

"Yammy isn't back here yet…. Must be on stage for the second half of the show… and that… give us plenty of time to set up."

Soon the five went to work. Szayel and Nnoitra were setting up the canisters behind the costume racks, mirror and behind the vanity table. Telsa and Rudbornn were up in the two vents that brought in the heat and air to the room.

"How many costumes do we need?" Telsa asked Aaroniero was was looting other dressing rooms for clothes.

"I don't know." He handed Nnoitra's Fraccion a long robe that Telsa stuffed into the vent. "But I am sure we won't need that much."

"And don't forget the floor vents." Szayel reminded them as he came across another one as he put a second canister behind the large floor-length mirror.

"And now we that all done… A five canisters and…" He bent down and took one of the grates over the floor vents off. "Hand me some stuff to shove in here."  
"Like fruitcake?" Aaroniero threw out the first idea that came to mind.

"No…" Szayel rolled his eyes, "Like more clothes."

"Bad news…" Rudbornn's muffled voice spoke from the right side vent in the wall. "I think we are going to need all the clothes up here."

"Then…" Szayel put the grate back on and closed the openings with a slide of a bar. "This will have to work." He went around the room and closed the others as he spoke. "One of us will have to hide in here and make sure Yammy's dead and you, Aaroniero are the best choice. You can broadcast his death for us all to see and then, Nnoitra, you get the job of checking that he actually is, in fact, dead."

"Wonderful…" Nnoitra groaned, "And why didn't you have us bring our swords?"

"I don't know." Szayel admitted. "I have been through a lot this past twenty-four hours…besides, our swords are safer at the hotel. Now, Telsa. Do you still have that Soul Reaper's sword?"

"Of course." Telsa never let the sword be taken off his back through this whole adventure. "And I even slept with it on… and now you all owe me a nice back massage. Because my spine hurts like hell."

"Okay, Telsa." Nnoitra made a mental note that read:_ Get Telsa a Massage and that is my Fraccion. The best ever. Scratch that actually… the…_he glanced up at Telsa's feet sticking out of the vent_. Aw, hell. The best._ "Are you done yet?!"

"Uh… Just a min, Nnoitra-sama! We need a few more clothes up here, Aaroniero-sama!"

"Coming right up!" She dashed out of the room and into the one across the hallway.

Ten minutes later, Everyone was standing in the middle of the dressing room. All of them had triumphant smiles on their faces.

"I…" Szayel surveyed his handy work that connected every canister with clear tubes so they all emptied at the same time. "I think we all did very well…The grates are back in place… all stuffed and… so… it's your turn Aaroniero. You need to hide in here."

"Right on it. Does this work?"

"Does…." Nnoitra didn't see the Fifth Espada anywhere. "Where are you?"

"Down here."

"Is…" He found himself staring down at a little boy with brown hair and eyes who was wearing a too large green dress. "Hey. Neat."

"Yeah… The boy on Fifty-Second street. It's handy to have so many different forms."

"How about the boy on Fifty-first street?" Telsa wondered.

"Ah…" Aaroniero scratched his head, "Missed him by a good foot and a half."

"That's great…" Szayel muttered, "and don't tell me you ate the whole block of people."

"No. I didn't. I ate the whole five blocks."

"With no ill side affects?"

"None at all, Szayel! It was delicious!"

"Ew… That's just…I would never eat everyone on a block. Some people just taste horrible. I don't know why… I tried to research into it, but it took too much of my time…"

"But I can assure you," Telsa landed on his feet next to the two of them, "That nothing you have ever eaten tasted as bad as that Snail Hollow."

"And…" Rudbornn really wanted to know, "What is the story behind that, anyhow?"

"It's… not pretty…"

"That's an order!" Szayel snapped at Telsa. "Tell us!"

"Okay… Just don't blame me…" The sandy blond Arrancar began to tell his story as he double checked the vents. "It happened back before and I was just an Adjches and I hadn't eaten anything in three whole days. And you know how all of the voices of the souls inside you start to get really scary…right? Well, I was all alone in Hueco Mundo and all of a sudden, I saw something crawl out of the sand."

"EEEWWW-" Rudbornn covered Szayel's mouth with his hand. "Go on."

"And there it was. A large, green Snail Hollow… all icky and dripping with slime. By this time, I didn't care. So, I bit into what tasted like grey, molding jello…And of top of that, the slime was just…"

"Ew. Yeah." Nnoitra was wearing a disgusted look, "I think we have heard enough…"

"Yesh…" Aaroniero agreed. "Now, why don't I go with this look?"

Szayel glanced down at the Fifth Espada's next choice. "Hell no."

"But…It's cute! I have baby dimples!"

"No!" Nnoitra screamed, not wanting anything under the age of five. "And by the way, that's what you get when you eat everything on the block!" he pointed out as Aaroniero was beginning to cry as he found that he lost his capabilities of speech in the form of a little baby. "Now change the hell back already!"

A second later, Aaronerio turned back into the little boy with cute brown hair. "There. Better? And by the way, I can speak like ten languages because these peoples brains are hardwired differently."

"Show off…" Szayel muttered, "and by the way, what the hell are you? The main character? I don't think so."

"And, so what if I am?" Aaroniero shot back in a whiny kid's voice. "I am the most powerful of all of us!"

"No fuckin' way!" Nnoitra yelled, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. "I am the most powerful and that's final!"

"But what I want to know…" Rudbornn had to ask, "Who IS the main character of this story?"

Everyone paused.

"Well…" Aaroniero began biting his nails."He's attractive…awesome and has many powers that make him like the best character ever! And it's me!"

"Um…" Nnoitra rolled his eyes, "How about me, sorryass? I'm strong and kick more ass than you do."

"Maybe…" Telsa glanced around the room at the three of them. "Since we have been mostly following your guys' story arc…but… I don't think….I haven't even been in the story long enough to count."

"True." Aaroniero chirped. "Besides, You aren't attractive and beautiful and…oh crap."

"Oh crap, wha…"

"Um…Why are you all staring at me?" Szayel suddenly felt very small. "It's giving me creeps…"

"Szayel. You may want to it down." Nnoitra gestured to the chair by the vanity table with all of Yammy's make-up. (Yes. The producers made him wear mascara.)

"Why?" He asked after doing what he was ordered.

"This may come to a shock to you." Aaroniero announced, his voice as calm as possible.

"What?! Do I have a stray hair on my face? Or has Yylfordt discovered how to beat me up?"

"Well…" Nnoitra wasn't sure how to break it to him besides, "You are the main character."

"Of course I am!" Szayel laughed off the seriousness of the situation. "My Author adores me! I don't see why you are all worried! It's not that hard being a main character!"

"There is a tiny hitch…" Telsa hated to tell him all that was written in 'The Main Character Handbook'.

"And what is that?" Szayel could care less about the burdens of being the main character in a story.

"You are most likely not to be killed." Telsa muttered, "But, the most likely to become overly powerful… which would really suck… Not that you aren't powerful now…and you are also at risk of… everything. You as the main character automatically gives you a slew of bonuses. You get the guy, you beat up the bad guys….I mean, good guys and live happily ever-"

"Hey. Hold up here."

Everyone looked around the small dressing room.

Szayel glanced at the door, "What? Who is there?"

"It's me. You broke the fourth wall again, damn it!"

"It's who?" Nnoitra didn't like the sound of this voice…"And how did we break the fourth wall?!

"It's your Author, Aceidia. And you-"

"What kinda crap name is that?!" Aaroniero laughed, "I mean, you write us everyday! You hardly fit the name Aceidia that means Apathy in Latin! And why the hell are you butting into your, I mean, our story?!"

"Because. I have an important fact that you may all want to be aware of. And the name is because I thought I wasn't going to be writing you all so avidly. It's amazing that I haven't throw my pen in the waste-bucket! And, before I tape this fourth wall up again, I want you all to know, by statistics that I tend to viciously harm or kill characters I love."

"Damn! Where are you?!" Szayel yelled, still not finding the location of the voice. "And why do you do that?"

"Because. I like to. It makes me smile. Don't think that you grew as a character all on your own! Someone had to feed you!"

"So…." Nnoitra hated this interruption. "Can you leave us to the story now? We are just about to kill Yammy here! It's important!"

"Yes. I shall. And Szayel, you don't need to wait until Monday for the post. Soul Society doesn't run on human time. And by the way… I suggest Christmas Wrapping paper.. It just will make it look all the more nice. And… what are you going to do with the rest of Circci?"

"Oh… True…I will have to think about that and… may I ask one more thing?….Hey… where are you?"

"I don't think…" Rudbornn checked under the dresser, "I don't think Aceidia's coming back…"

"Well then…" Szayel stood up and headed for the dressing room door, "It's a good thing I don't mind pain. Stay in here, Aaroniero and we will be in the room across the hall."

"Yep!" He saluted before hiding behind the large full-length mirror. "I will be just- Wait!"

Szayel turned around halfway through the door. "What?"

"I need a mask, don't I?"

"Oh… yes, here. Now, we will be waiting." With this, Szayel shut the door and walked across the hall to join Telsa, Rudbornn and Nnoitra in the adjacent dressing room.

* * *

Author's note: Good bye, Yammy!

And another note here. The part about the boy on Fifty-First Street comes from my favorite movie, The In-Laws with Peter Folk and Alan Arkin. And the Bend and Snap is from Legally Blonde. Ah... I love Aaroniero...he has to get upgraded sometime soon. Poor thing. And poor Telsa... And I am in need of a lot of duct tape...


	30. A Kitty Cat At My Door

"And there he is…" Szayel watched Yammy enter his dressing room ten minutes after they left Aaroniero hiding inside. "And… wait for my signal…"

Yammy shut the door and yawned.

"Good…he's tired. He won't even know a thing…throw the switch, now."

Aaroniero grinned and pulled the small switch by his feet to open the valves on the canister…_ Great… He's going to hear the hissing sounds! Damn!_

"Ah…" Yammy sat down at his vanity and began to take off his stage makeup. "Someone had the sense to turn on the air conditioner…."

_Yes!_ Aaroniero stifled a laugh, watching Yammy slowly fall asleep and his face slowly become a bright, bright red in the next ten minutes. _Why the hell is this so easy?! And… Wow… I think… He's dead! Those are eyes of a dead guy! I know it!_

"Give it another ten." Szayel's voice instructed, "I want to make sure he's dead, dead. There is a big difference between partially dead and dead."

Aaroniero nodded and checked his mask to make sure it was still painfully plastered to his face.

* * *

"What are you…" Orihime looked down at Grimmjow who was sitting at her door like a kitty with a large black bag on his shoulder. "Doing?'

"Waiting for you." He replied. "I wanted to let Ulquiorra tell you, but he's on guard duty and decided to let me tell you instead. Tia has granted you permission to audition of the position of Espada, if you can defeat an Adjches and show talent to the level of your competition."

A wide smile spread across her face.

"And that's why I'm here." Grimmjow tried to ignore the fact she was crushing him in a hug, "I am going to take you to train some more."

"But…" Orhime let him go, "Harribel-sama said we couldn't go hunt hollows and that's why we haven't trained in days."

Grimmjow stood up and stretched his hands into the air with a small, "Meow… No. You are not going to be hollow hunting."

"Then… What am I going to do?"

"You are going to fight me. If you can put up with a decent fight by the time that the others return from the real world and the auditions begin, the chance is all yours."

"But… I don't even know how to use a-"

"You don't need a sword." Grimmjow grabbed Orihime by the arm and began to walk her swiftly towards the nearest exit of Los Noches, "You have your fairies…but you are right. I am going to teach you how to use a sword because you are going to need it. I have been hearing rumors of death matches for the last rounds of Auditions."

"But why?" Orhime staggered out the small door into sandy world beyond the fortress.

"Because, we don't want the runner-ups to throw a fit or have hollows more powerful wandering around."

"Will…" Orhime summoned Lilly, Tsubaski and her other fairies to her aid. "You have to fight?"

"No." Grimmjow reached into the black bag on his shoulder and pulled out two wooden swords. "I won't. Here, take this and take a few practice swings."

She took the sword in her hand and smiled. "I like the feel of this… Kurosaki would never let me train with swords for some reason."

"That's 'cause he didn't want you beating him up." Grimmjow suspected. "Do you know the human game of Baseball?"

"Yes. Of course I do!"

"Think of this like a ba- ow!" He yelled as Orihime hit him in the stomach, sending him back a few inches. "That's a good start…. No real damage done.. Now. When you swing, do it with minimal wrist movement like…this. Now, you try."

* * *

Aaroniero checked the overly large normal wrist watch on his child-sized arm. Fifteen minutes and Yammy was still as…."I think…"

"I agree. It has been twenty-five minutes. Plenty of time for the poison to reach past his Gigai and his brain to die." Szayel made his way to the door of the dressing room across the hall. "Don't move, Aaroniero. Nnoitra will be over in a minute. Telsa, give Nnoitra the sword."

"Yes of-Ow!" Telsa winced as Ruri'iro Kujaku screamed in his mind. "Here! Take it and cover your ears, it doesn't like being held by Hollows."

"Yeah…" Nnoitra hesitantly took Ruri'iro Kujaku and held it at arms length as the Soul Reaper's swords began to scream as high and as loud as it could. "I will…Telsa… sword! Shut the hell up, or I'm going to snap you in half!"

Ruri'iro Kujaku fell silent.

Nnoitra laughed and marched across the hallway to Yammy's dressing room after putting another mask on. "Aaroniero, is…okay. All clear. I'm coming in." He slowly opened the door and slipped inside where he found Yammy slumped over his vanity table. "Yeah… We kick ass. More than you do, you…" Nnoitra covered his eyes with a hand and with the other, poked Yammy with Ruri'iro Kujaku. "Did…"

"Nope." Aaroninero saw no flinch, no movement. "Nothing."

"Awesome…" Nnoitra gripped the blade with his other hand and brought it down on the Null Espada's head.

OWWW! Ruri'iro Kujaku screamed as it collided with something that nearly dented his beautiful self. What are you trying to do with me, hollow scum?!  
Nnoitra looked at the sword and at Yammy's un-touched head. "I can clearly see this isn't going to-"

Szayel snatched the blade out of his hands. "Baby, this is how you do it." He grabbed the long ponytail on Yammy's head with one hand and pulled it back to gain access to the neck. "See? You begin to saw the neck like this… " He took Nnoitra's hand and put it under his, "Back and forth, back and-"

"I get it! You don't have to tell me how to saw through someone's neck!" Nnoitra screamed at him, trying to wrench the sword out of his grasp. "Now let me do this! It's my job!"

"Not anymore!" Szayel now had Yammy's body half on the floor and his foot on the Null Espada's chest to make the sawing easier on his arm. "I'm doing it and all I have to do is get through one side of his neck and then he'll be-"

"We have to take off his whole head, Szayel!" Nnoitra knew what Szayel wanted to do, but they couldn't take any risks that Yammy might heal. "Let me at it right now!"

"Why should I? I can decapitate someone just fine, thank you!"

"I hate to say this… But I'm a Preying Mantis. I think I know how to remove a head much better than a butterfly who used to make trenches in the sand and wait for prey to sink his pretty teeth into their skulls."

"Are you saying, I am doing a crappy job and that my hunting skills are lacking?!" Szayel was up to here with the insults. Not only had he had guts and gore on him for six hours today, he didn't sleep last night either and what was worse, he was the frickin' main character! "If you want to recall the old days, why don't I rip your wings off?!"

"Don't bring up the damn wings!" Nnoitra screamed back, not wanting to talk about why he no longer had wings to fly with. "Because if you talk anymore, I am going to take yours as well!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Yes I would! Just like I ripped the antennas out of you head!"

"Damn you! That hurt like hell! Why did you do it in the first place?!"

"'Cause I did! Deal with it!"

"****** ********** ******* ***!" Szayel finally screamed at Nnoitra, not noticing that he was now sawing through the carpet as Yammy's head had been parted from his neck a good two minutes ago. "******** *******! *******!"

"Guys!" Aaroniero yelled as loud as he could, "Cut it out! Yammy's dead and… aw… Disintegrating… shit…"

"What?" Szayel and Nnoitra asked after a long pause.

"I… I don't get to eat him…. Awe… This sucks… I won't evolve! I'll be stuck like this for the rest of my life! AHHHH!"

The two shared a look. "Uh…" Szayel began.

"You don't have to….cry." Nnoitra finished, not sure what to do now that Aaroniero wailing and sobbing. "It… won't do any… good. Just so ya know…"

"BUT I WANT TO BE A VASTO LORDE! AHHHH! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE AS LOWLY GILLIGAN SCUM! I WANNA GROW UP TO BE BIG AND STRONG! BUT NNOOO! TIA! YOU SAID I COULD EAT YAMM-"

Nnoitra had no choice but to clamp his hand over Aaroniero's mouth. "Shut up! People can hear you!"

"ARRRHHH! MEHSURNI! HIRGUEOIHS HEU!"

"I said shut up!"

"ANFEAYIDJ-"

Szayel hit Aaroniero over the head with the hilt of Ruri'iro Kujaku, but to no avail. He continued his muffled screaming rant under Nnoitra's hand. "FEOIJEIA! SHUEOOAJJJ! HEA EEAJPIJ AE! AJFMMMEAPPP! AHQNEAIYBAHEA-"

Nnoitra nailed Aaroniero in the stomach and he fell to the ground, silent."There. I told you to shut up. Now, we have to get back to the hotel and get our stuff and go home. I am so glad we are going home…."

"Let's just hope we can get out of here…" Szayel swore he heard voices and footsteps headed their way. "There is no way that Fishtank's screaming wasn't noticed."

The door to the dressing room was opened to reveal Telsa and Rudbornn who was glancing down the hallway. "They are coming! We have to hurry! Tes and I got the stuff from the hotel and have a Gagranta Passage open in the other dressing room! Quickly now!"

The five shuffled across the hallway, dragging Aaroniero between them and climbed into Garganta that shut silently behind them.


	31. Welcome to The Execution Chamber

"Welcome back." Tia yawned, staring down at her Espada standing before her throne. "Your rooms are all ready for you to go crash. I have to say that from what I have heard, this was quite an undertaking. Now, to fill you all in on the happenings while you all were away. First. We are going to return to Isolation as Ulquiorra found a few Soul Reaper Spies roaming around outside. He has killed them. Second. We are going to continue Rations and, anyone who dares complains to me right now, will be rations. Third. I am going to hold Auditions of the four open Positions in the Espada. Now, If I remember right, I thought there was four. But I counted Starrk and his sidekick as two. So…you are all free to recommend any hollow you find talent in. And Telsa, Rudbornn, if your Espada gives you a recommendation, you are eligible to audition. No exceptions. Now, please leave so I can close up the Execution Chamber for the night."

"Execution…" Nnoitra gave Ulquiorra look. "Chamber?"

"Yes." The First Espada replied, "So many Hollows have insulted Tia that she has taken to slicing them up. It is a long story."

"Okay. Won't ask farther." Szayel grinned wearily. "And good night to you, Queen Tia."

"Night." Tia gave a small wave before disappearing to her room.

"Well…." Rudbornn yawned, "I'm off, Lord Aaroniero. I will see you when I wake up."

"Sounds good…" Aaroniero yawned, happy to be back in his usually form of Kaien Shiba. Being a little kid too long made him say weird things like, 'I have a boo-boo'. Not to forget the weird kid habits like seeing how many weird sounds he could make and trying to kiss his elbow.

"Night Rudbornn."

"Sir." He bowed and was gone.

"Me too." Telsa saluted and left the throne room, leaving Szayel and Nnoitra alone.

"You know.." Nnoitra yawned, "I'm so tired."

"And if you fall asleep right here, I am not going to carry to your bed." Szayel was too tired to even try to make a joke out of facts. "But I won't mind if you want to cuddle up with me for a well deserved night of sleep."

"Won't mind… Sounds nice." Nnoitra wrapped his arm around Szayel's shoulder and the two left the throne room. Leaving Ulquiorra to turn off the lights and stagger to bed where Orihime was sure to tell him all about her training.

* * *

"What do you mean, I don't get to eat them?" Yylfordt was so hungry, he swore he could almost beat Grimmjow at an eating contest.

"I said." Ikkaku sighed heavily, laying his Zanpakutō on his broad shoulders."Exactly what I meant. This night of hollow hunting is for us. We just brought you along to watch and stay out of the Captain's hair."

"Aw…" Yylfordt wanted to go home now. "But I'm so hungry!"

"Were the nibbles that Nel gave you not enough already?" Ikakku grouched, having to put up with this hollow's whining for hours by this time of the night. "You just left her company!"

"Yeah…Well." It was times like these when Yylfordt had to listen to his grumbling stomach. "I'm still so hungry! You guys haven't given me any thing to eat today!"

"We did!" Ikkau gave one of his fellow soul Reapers a long look. "Rice with Sushi."

"…Ew….That sushi nearly killed me, idiot!"

"Why?! It was the finest we have in all of Soul Society!"

Yylfordt paused. "Really?"

"Yes!" Ikkau was near the end of his line with this whole trade, he wanted Yumichkia back in the next week or someone was gonna die and it might just be this hollow. "It was! If we give you the finest foods, Harribel isn't going to skimp on the food she gives my nice soul reaper friend!"

"Ah…. You seem a little too concerned for Yumi for him to just be your friend." Yylfordt observed with out a thought and Ikkaku was in his face a split second later. "What?! Do you have a problem with that, hollow?"

"Uh. No. Actually not. Why should I care anyway?"

Ikkau backed off and sighed. "Okay. Enough with the personal business. On to Hunting Hollows. That you don't get to eat."

"Damn….it…"

"And, what kind of fun is it to eat your friends anyhow?" The other Soul Reaper who introduced himself as Hanngen, asked, walking off down the alleyway behind Ikkaku who was grinning like a mad man.

"Me?" Yylfordt smiled sweetly, running to catch up with them, "I would never eat my friends. And I mean that. My master used to have…five other Fracciones and now… now I am all alone. But, never mind that."

The walking party suddenly stopped, causing everyone to bump into one another.

Ikkaku whipped around, "What?"

"What?" Yylfordt asked, giving the other Soul Reaper in the party a look.

"You seemed…" Hanngen glanced at Ikakku. "Sad about… your Fraccion…friends?"

"Yeah." Yylfordt admitted, "I kinda miss them. A lot… yeah."

"What happened?" Ikkaku asked, not sure why a hollow like this one would be feeling sad over the death of a few others. It just was not in the nature of a soul eating creature to feel sorrow. Or was it?

"Well….We went to the human world, under Aizen's orders back in the day and… Shawlong, Di Roy, Edrad and Neekam didn't return with me. I wouldn't have lived either… Wouldn't have minded actually-, but I hid behind a wall. And before you start talking." Yylfordt told Ikkaku who was staring at him in disbelief. "I want you to know, I forgive you. Edrad died a noble death and for me to be upset with you, would do nothing but make him upset. He may have been a large guy with red hair, but he cared about keeping the peace."

_What the..._ Ikkaku could not believe what he was hearing. A hollow was…forgiving him. "I…I don't know what to say."

"It's fine." Yylfordt muttered, putting a piece of blond hair behind his ear. "You don't know I had feelings, did you? It's all right with me. Besides, too many of the people I care for have been killed anyhow. So, I am used to this pain. Let's go."

"Wait up here!" Ikkaku grabbed the hollow by the back of the shirt as he tried to walk off. "How many people?"

Yylfordt smiled faintly and did not reply.

"That's it. Sit down. That's an order!" Ikkaku had no idea why he was even caring for this hollow, but someone with so many burdens shouldn't walk around with them all the time. "Is that-thank you. Now talk."

Yylfordt glanced up at Hanngen and the bossy one. "About what?"

"Anything!" Ikkaku towered over him, his bald head gleaming in the moonlight. Or was the moon actually his head? No one would know."What is on your mind? How the weather is. You seem like such a funny guy."

"Me? Funny?" Yylfrodt had to laugh at himself. "Really?"

"Yes." Haggen frowned before sitting down next to him on the pavement. "And you seem like some kind of… character."

"I do not wish to talk about this topic, thank you." Yylfordt was not going to give these Soul Reapers his life story so they could kill him afterward.

"And we aren't moving until you speak." Ikkaku sat down as well, a large scowl on his face. "Same topic. Go."

"I don't really-" the blade of Ikkaku's staff lingered by his neck. "Are you two really-"

"Yes." Hanngan nodded, "We don't like traveling with depressed company and you are no exception to this rule. The Eleventh Company shares all. Okay?"

"But… I'm not-"

"You are right now." Ikkaku pointed out, laughing at the shocked face he got in reply. "You are a stand in officer and we don't let them slack off. Now, talk. Or you get stabbed and kicked out on your behind. And we leave you to be eaten by other hollows."

"You see, there is a small problem with-" Yylfordt wanted to point out that he was an Adjches class Arrancar and wasn't much risk at being eaten, but one slice from a Soul Reaper's sword would really hurt, now that he thought it over. "So, I will talk! Lots and lots of talking. Damn you all. You are no better then my woman, Circci! And I hate you all for it!"

"We're waiting…" Hanngan whistled, hearing silence after Yylfordt's rant. "And if it would make you feel better… no one but the Eleventh Company would know…"

"Including-"

"Yeah. Kenpachi, Captain. But hell, he has his own messed up stories."

"Ah… That's really re-assuring Ikkau." Yylfordt muttered, realizing he was in a very tight spot there was no way out of. "And… fine. To start off… I don't remember much anything. Anything that happened before I became a hollow is really blurry…and…it sometimes bothers me. Szayel remembers. He somehow does. I don't like it because he has the upper-hand…always. And…there are some things that I have done I do not remember at all… and guys…these are things I have only told my King and my friends…."

"Your…king?" Hanngan spoke when he had the chance.

"Yes. My Lord and Master, Grimmjow Jagerjaques. How we met is a long story and I am getting off track here. I was talking about my brother. Yeah. And don't start. I don't want to explain myself, Hanngan. Yes, I have a brother. One that is a horrible person and should just die."

"I can see you two didn't get a long." Ikakku snickered, scanning the sky for any signs of Hollow Activity.

"It is not a, 'we don't get along'!" Yylfordt screamed, hating how so many people assumed that he and Szayel just were at simple odds with one another. _"He's a fucking monster!"_

The silence that followed his words was devastating.

"What…"

"Did he do?" Ikkaku finished, not sure how he like being screamed.

Yylfordt sighed and looked away. "I don't want to talk about it. Let us just leave it at that."

"We are the Elevent-"

Ikkaku held out his hand, "Hanngan. Let it be. Besides, we have a hollow a few blocks from here to catch."

The Soul Reaper looked at him like he was mad. "But…"

"Just. No. Leave it." Ikkaku stood up and helped Yylfordt to his feet. "And maybe a bite or two, won't kill the mission."


	32. Good Night, Kitty

Yylfordt stared out of the window of his small room that was about as big as his one in Los Noches. He was returned to his room by Hanngan after the hollow hunting had come to a close for the night. "Nights like these are really lonely without Di Roy, Shawlong, Edrad….or Grimmjow…Oh the trouble we got into…" He hardly cared if the guards outside his window and door heard his musing.

Maybe, it would make them realize there was more to him than a hole in his chest and half a mask left on his face.

"Those were the good times…" Yylfordt allowed himself a small smile as he laid down on the small cot in his room. "Although I have to say I don't miss sleeping in the desert…too much sand. Heh. It's rather sad, Di Roy…I never though you'd all die. Anyhow, it's weird here… and I know you aren't here…at least Lady Nelliel hasn't taken to beating me up yet. Wouldn't blame her though… I kinda deserve it, I guess…"

Yylfordt closed his eyes and let his mind slowly wander into the past…

…..The long dark nights in Heuco Mundo were never boring… Not when he was awoken by the accustom sand in the face.

"What the heck was that for?!" He yelled, sitting up to find Shawlong, Grimmjow and Di Roy laughing. "And what-"

"That that was great!" Grimmjow gave his Fracciones high-fives. "And this time, he can help us wake up the next sleepy hollow."

"And that…" Yylfordt brushed the sand out of his eyes and a wide smile crept onto his face…"Ah… Nekkem… Hehe… we're gonna get him."

"You're damn right…" Shawlong whispered, scooping up a double-hand-full of sand. "And we'll get to hear an twenty-foot Gillian moan around for the next hour…"

"Yeah…" Grimmjow flashed a grin, picking up some sand himself. "But I get to dump the first hand full."

The three Fracciones shared a smile. "Of course…sir."

"And here…" The King padded quietly over to the sleeping Gilligan, "is to…sweet dreams…."

"Hey man…" Nekeem pouted, waking up, "What do you want to dump sand on me for…?"

"To wake you up." Grimmjow replied, resisting a snicker. "Because you have to get up and we have to move."

"Why, man?"

"It's not safe here anymore. You know the drill."

"Yeah…" Shawlong who was the tallest of all of them next to Nekeem surveyed the horizon. "I can hear fighting from here…Don't they ever shut up?!"

"Who do you think it is?" Edrad climbed to his feet and began to stretch his large arms into the sky. "…Oh… them…"

The whole group resisted another snicker. "The Old Married Couple."

"Aka…" Yylfordt brushed some sand out of his long blond hair, "My stupid bro and his destructive stalking boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" Grimmjow had to laugh, and would have if he wasn't busy covering his sensitive ears with his paws. Their yelling could be heard for miles by a normal hollow and as a Cat, it was like he had front row seats.

"Yeah." Yylfordt wasn't sure what to think. He was sure he'd have a opinion if he could remember who he was. "'Cause who the heck would go to all the trouble to keep following someone they couldn't catch the first five-hundred times they tried? At first I just thought that Santa Teresa was determined…now I just think that he has ooglie-eyes for my bro. Just saying… anyhow… let's move on. We can't go west though. Harribel has set up camp and you guys know what happened to the last hollow to sleep with in a hundred feet of her cave…."

A long silence fell on the group. (Save the yelling in the distance.)

"Yeah…" Grimmjow didn't want to think about the hollow they found with it's limbs all placed on one stake like a giant kabob. (That must have been roasted as they didn't come across it the next day.) "So east it is."

Edrad large white mask covered face showed a peek of emotion. "Are you sure you want to go east?"

"I mean south!" Grimmjow corrected himself. "East is where the yelling match is. West is the Kabob stand… and so….You guys are not interested in going south."

"Ah…" Yylfordt glanced at his kin, "South is…"

"Bat-man's land. Okay. One of these days…I'm gonna just rip his black wings off…damn Emo…thing."

"Yeah…man…" Nakeem said in his pouting voice. "What is that thing?"

"No clue. I just know it moves and I want to chase it like a shadow."

"And we also know, " Di Roy added, "it has a stupid mono-tone voice that put you to sleep last time we accidentally went south while The Old Married Couple were outta town. We all had to drag you into North while you slept. Purring all the way there…"

"Hehe…" Yylfordt laughed, "You purr… It's really funny…Sir." He added as Grimmjow glared at him.

"I know." The King replied, "And… I guess we have no choice but to go north."

"We are as north as we can go…" Shawlong in formed them, noting that they were near the only patch of green grass in all of Heuco Mundo. One of them had tried to sleep on it the night before, but they switched to the sand after half the night. "As evidenced by the green patch of the pole. I still haven't figured out the geography… but, from our travels, There are two patches of Green grass and one pond. Puddle. And they are at the poles."

"I know that." Grimmjow really hated living here. All the annoyances…Crazy women, battling honeymooners, and worst of all… Emo thing. "So, lets go to the Human World shall we?"

"But…" Yylfordt didn't want to do that…"Aren't there Soul Reapers? I mean, they could like kill us!"

Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "Okay. Who the hell do you want to put up with? A few swords or Evil Women and constant yelling? Because I would rather go with the swords… because, at least Soul Reapers let you sleep! They won't attack you!"

The Grimmjow's Fracciones glanced at one another, weighing the pros and cons.

"Okay." Shawlong announced five minutes later, "We took a vote. Human World it is. And fast. I think that Harribel's on the hunt and we would never stand a chance."

"On it." Grimmjow reached out a paw and Garganta opened with ease in the air before them. "You all in and I'll stand guard."

The five did as ordered and Grimmjow joined them a minute later, closing the portal behind him. "And welcome…" He announced soon opening the portal on the other side. "To… awe… damn…"

The group stared at the three Soul Reapers waiting for them in the middle of the street where Garganta opened to.

"Hey man…" Nekeem complained to the Reapers who where just waiting until the Formalities of Battle had been performed. "Can't we get some sleep?"

"Yeah." Grimmjow stepped forwards to protect his Fracciones. "Can't you three just let us go for once? I am in a desperate need of a good cat nap."

"Where have you come from?' The Soul Reaper in the the middle of the group asked in Castilian Spanish; making Grimmjow realize they were now in what the Humans called Spain. "Isn't Heuco Mundo quite enough for hollows?"

"Not these days. Hell no." Grimmjow didn't even want to start, but he did. "We have a Crazy Vasto Lorde Woman. An Territorial Emo-Thing and the constant music of a screaming match. Not to mention an ever glowing and migrating Pumpkin. So no. It is hardly quite there anymore."

"And it was once, was it?"

Grimmjow frowned at the Soul Reaper on the left who dare ask, "Yeah… it was… Now, let me tell you, this isn't like Menoes screaming, it's like all of your in-laws got in a screaming argument at a family gathering."  
The three Soul Reapers looked at at the hollows with wide eyes.

"So, let us go get some sleep and we'll fight tomorrow if you want." Grimmjow bargained, knowing that they knew what kind of loud he was talking about.

The Soul Reaper in the middle sighed and put his sword away. "Fine… Go on. Just don't eat anyone and, we expect a fight tomorrow. Right here at the same time."

"Deal."

That night the six of them slept on the roof of a hotel in the center of town where the roads were lined with little lights and all of the humans had blown the gas lights in their houses out.

"Wow…" Di Roy marveled, staring up at the sky, "So many stars…"

"Yeah…" Yylfordt agreed before Grimmjow had to boast, "I've eaten as many souls as there are stars…"

"Weird." Shawlong noted with yawn. "And it's silent. Did anyone else notice that?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Anyhow," Grimmjow took control of the scene, "I think it's best that we all close our eyes and get some rest. See you all in the morning when the sun sears our eyes out. "

A chorus of 'Yes sir, Yeah… King Grimm and Night, Kitty' met his ears.

Grimmjow smiled and closed his eyes. It was so wonderful to have companions like them….Words could not even begin to explain how-

"Damn you, Fornicaras!" Santa Teresa stared up in horror at the long clear, blood covered blade that his nemesis was holding. "I hate you…"

"Ha." The Butterfly knew far better than to take his words so seriously. "No you don't. Because, you were scared of flying anyhow. I highly doubt your going to miss-" He cracked the wing in half, "This. Mantis were never meant to fly… so damn ugly in the first place…"

"And how the hell did you get here?!" Grimmjow yelled at the two of them who woke him and the rest of his Fracciones. "Go away!"  
Santa Teresa nearly turned his head around to glare at the menace Cat. "Shut up…I can't go anywhere even if I want to."

"Why the hell not?!" Edrad stood up to defend his king. "That was a direct order from Grimmjow."

"I don't take orders from anyone." The Mantis shot back; wanting collapse on the roof to cry, the pain of his missing wings consuming his mind."Remember that, you scum. No one… orders… me…"

"Guys…" Yylfordt had a simple solution to the problem everyone was facing. (Save Santa Teresa.) "let's just move! We don't want to become a part of this fight… I became a part of this fight and that's why I met all of you. Not that you're nice. But… really."

"So…" Fornicaras stared down from the sky at the small group, a manic smile on his face and laugh on his lips. "You're all running away… How wonderful. Not that I blame you, cowards like yourselves."

Yylfordt spoke before Grimmjow even had a chance. "Shut the hell up! You're the one who was the coward! You came running back to create me! Your handy shield. Bargain tool!"

"True…But, now…must I remind you who started this whole large adventure?" The Butterfly was far to pleased with himself, "I suppose I should, since your little… friends here seem to be oblivious to the sad story that-"

"Shut up!" How he wanted to strangle the cause of his misery. "Shut up!"

"How rude…" Fornicaras mocked, loving seeing the fear in his older brother's eyes. "telling your own brother to shut up. Mum really should have taught you some proper manners…but she loved me more anyhow. So, to her, you were just that other child. The one that came before my perfection."

"Enough!" Grimmjow screamed, stepping between the them. "We will part ways, Fornicaras! Don't you ever insult my Fraccion again! Or you answer to me. And I… I will rip your throat out and you will never speak again."

"How cold." He was serious, wasn't he, so Fornicaras gave in. "But yes. You can part ways and never cross my path again. You are such a… I won't say it. Soft hollow who seems to actually care for your fracciones…I find it quite perplexing…"

"Perplexing?" Grimmjow's eyes narrowed dangerously, "How so? Do you not have your own Fracciones whom you care for?"

"Care?" Fornicaras laughed, "Yes. But in a different way… they all serve me and eventually, shall be consumed or sacrifice themselves for their beautiful leader."

"What I'd tell you?" Santa Teresa gave Grimmjow a smirk. "He's a…sick bastard."

_Hey…_

"I can see that…and…" Grimmjow stared up at the masked Butterfly with large white and red wings looming over them. "How I want to kill him…"

"I won't try…" Santa Teresa lowered his head in defeat. "He has evaded me for two years now. The only reason he has, is because he doesn't have any honor."

_Hey… Del Toro?_

"That's the worst kind…Even I…"

"Wake up time!"

Yylfordt's eyes shot open to see Nelliel staring down at him. "AHH! Lady Nelliel!" He scrambled off the cot in his pajamas and socks to bow deeply. "What are you doing here?!"

"I thought I might get you up in time to take a morning walk." She replied with a sweet smile. "And we'll have time to catch up on things. Many things."

"Yeah…" Yylfordt reached up to fix his frazzled hair. "There are a few details I haven't told you yet…Some, you might not like… exactly…"

"Like…?"

"Don't really want to-"

"You're gonna have to…" Nelliel sighed heavily, turning her sight to the floor. "The…Soul Reapers have decided it's best to keep you locked up for a while. They were sent… never mind. I'll tell you later. So, what did you want to tell me?"

"Well…" Yylfordt sat down on the floor and picked up his hairbrush that was next to his cot. "I have some bad news."

"So…Do I." She sat down next to him, not sure how to break the news to him gently. "Why not.. You first?"

"Of course, Lady Nelliel." Yylfordt took a deep breath, "after… after you were not killed-I don't know how else to state it-, Nnoitra and Szayel… they…fell for one another and have been together to this day and, I hope you aren't crushed at all.."

Nelliel began to laugh. "I'm not crushed at all. I never liked Nnoitra in the first place. You must have heard something from…From…"

"Ciricci. Very sexy young woman who just so happens to be going out with me… heh…"

"Yes." Nelliel knew that keeping the news from him would make everything worse in the long run. "Her. Today, the Soul Reapers were sent a box. A box with her head in it. Yylfordt-kun, Circci is dead."

* * *

The 'Hey man, why do you want to put sand in my face, etc' Comes from Bill Cosby's stand up, Revenge. Go listen to it! It's so funny.


	33. A Uncertain Ending of Possibilities

Yylfordt wasn't going to cry.

No.

It was what he wanted.

"No. Not this time…" Yylfordt glanced out the open window where two guards were standing watch. "I'm not going to stand by anymore!"

"Yylfordt-san!" Nelliel reached a hand out, but it was too late. He was already on the other side of the the window, heading for the main meeting house with the two guards in pursuit. "Damn it!" She vaulted out the window and raced after the distressed Arrancar."Don't be such a…"

_But how can I blame him?_

_I can't._

_I just can't let him get killed, either!  
_

Nelliel used soindo to catch up with Yylfordt who was numb to the world around him."Del Toro, I know what you are feeling! Please-"

"You have no idea…" He muttered, wishing to wake up once again. So many times in his life he wanted to find himself somewhere else. Somewhere safe and warm.

The reality of it all was so cold.

Akin steel knife. Stabbing him over and over.

"Please stop!" Nelliel cried, reaching out to grab Yylfordt's arm. "I can help you figure this out! I don't want-"

She stopped a blade with her other glanced over her shoulder at the guard who frozen with shock. "Don't touch him. That's an order."

"We don't take orders from other officers." The second guard replied, swinging his blade down to connect with Yylfordt's shoulder."…What?!" He cried, seeing his attack had no effect on the prisoner. "What is this?!"

"Hierro." Nelliel replied, thankful that no one was hurt. "Now, please let me deal with him."

"We have orders to-"

"You…" Yylfordt moved out of the way of a pair of hands that attempted to capture him. "You are taking me nowhere! Not until I see her!"

"We have direc-"

"I said! I am not going anywhere until I see her!" Yylfordt wanted his sword back so he could slice through these fools. But it had been taken from him before he was shown to his room. "No where! Do you hear me?!"

The two guards paused, swords raised.

What was this?

Hollows… cried?

It wasn't like these creatures.

Nelliel glanced from Yylfordt to the guards. She had to do something, so she jumped into the air and in one swift move, knocked the two guards out.

Yylfordt stared down at the guards until Nelliel made him walk away from the scene. He had no clue where he was walking or where he should be heading. It all looked the same to him…

"Ciricci…Ciricci was the only…. One person left in my life. The only person… and… now… she's gone. He…he killed her. Just like he has destroyed everything and everyone else I have held dear. I… I can't take it anymore… Nelliel… Not at all…Nelliel… She… She was in pain…She…Ciricci…" His voice trailed off as he found himself where he wanted to be.

Alone in a garden.

Sitting on a stone bench.

The small wooden fountain keeping a rhythm to the tiny sound of koi fish searching for food on the surface of the water in their tiny pond.

"I… I don't know what to do…So lost… please… please help me."

"Always." Her sweet voice said, a small hand placing itself on his shoulder. "I will always be here in times of need."

"…Thank you…Lady Nelliel."

"It is okay to mourn your loss." The former Espada continued, crawling up to sit down on the bench next to him. She was so small that her feet could not touch the ground below. "Ciricci was a wonderful Pravion. I only met her a few times and I have to say, she did have a heart. To others she may have seemed cold and cruel, but… I knew there was more to her."

"Your…words are kind." Yylfordt whispered, thankful to have someone's company. "I…I don't want to go back to…."

"I will work it out. You won't have to go back to your room." Nelliel said, glancing around for any signs of the guards she tied up a few minutes ago. "I can con Ichigo into anything."

"Thank you." If there was anything he needed, it was fresh air and time alone. "I… I don't know what to do…I really don't. I… Nelliel. I want to see her."

"I do not think that is a wise idea." Nelliel replied, knowing where his heart was. But she had been there in meeting hall when Ciricci's head arrived in a wrapped up box. Ichigo was so foolish to think it was a kind of present with the Christmas tree wrapping. The Pravion Espada's head was far from the beauty that was once Ciricci's. It was all blacked and the skin was beginning to peel off the face. Yylfordt did not need to see his loved one in such a condition. "But I can make sure that Ciricci's head gets properly buried if it makes you feel better."

"You said…" Yylfordt began, realizing something. "Just her head came… Didn't you?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Where is the rest of her?"

"I…" Nelliel hated to say it, "I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know!" Yylfordt cried, tears coming back to his haunted eyes. "Where is the rest of her?! Where is the rest of Circci's beautiful body?! Tell me! Nelliel, tell me!"

"I do not know, Del Toro. The head was all that was sent."

"N….no…no! Its… destroyed….He… he hated her… I… I know what… what he did with the rest of her… no.. My Ciricci all… mangled and…" Yylfordt opened his eyes, not wanting to see the images his mind created. "I…hate him. I… want to kill him. That's all I have to do, isn't it? I… just have to kill him."

"I…" Nelliel wanted to say that killing was wrong… but… she couldn't bring herself to say it. She knew Szayelaporro too well. The only way Yylfordt would win, would be to kill him. "Suppose I could… I could train you."

"Lady Nelliel. I can't. I don't evolve anymore." Yylfordt hung his head. "I am ashamed of it, sir. I…" He went on to detail how Grimmjow did him a favor by keeping him from evolving backwards. "I didn't want to become a Menos again."

"I understand. And so…I suppose you are right." She sighed, "It would be no-"

"But I just… I just want to lay a hand on him. Nelliel… I just want blood. That's…what I want. I want him at my feet, bleeding to death… apologizing and begging for his life." Yylfordt glanced up at Nelliel who closed her eyes. "…Please…I-"

"We can see what we can do." She replied, not wanting to dash his hopes with the statistics. Szayel was much more powerful than he was and what Yylfordt was asking for was…

Then again, Nnoitra must have thought that killing her would be impossible. And if there was one thing that the Granzes were good at, it was making the impossible, possible.

The End of _The New Order of Espada_

To be Continued in _The Royal Court of Harribel_

Coming in January 2014!

Thank you all for following along and I promise the next piece will have a lot more humor and disasters. Onward to the Bonus Chapter you really don't want to miss.


	34. Bonus: The Diary of Rudbornn Chulete

Hey, everyone. It's Telsa. I was unpacking our suitcases and I found Rudbornn's Diary and I thought I should share it with all of you as it is a hoot! Here's the first page and it seems to be written when he just started his job in Los Noches! Haha! Read on!

And don't tell him I read his diary either!

* * *

Dear Diary,

Today, I cleaned up another mess. Just like I did yesterday. These Espada are hardly the cleanest folks in Heuco Mundo. Sometimes I wish that Aizen-sama would get on their case.

Nnoitra Gilga cannot just leave bodies laying around to be tripped over. This sole reason is why my head is bandaged as I write this. I was walking along and fell into the sand after tripping over a deadman's leg.

Grimmjow Jagerjaques is honestly no better. He may not leave bodies, but what ever he touches in destroyed. It is a sad fact that I have had to come to terms with this past year: I have to repair whole buildings on a daily basis.

Tia Harribel, however is much better at being tidy. But I still find it annoying to have to sweep up the burned remnants of her anger. (Note to self: Don't talk to her!)

At least Aaroniero and Szayelaporro have the mind to just eat everything and not leave such a large mess. But don't get me started on the mopping. Never seen so much goo in my life…(Note to self: Never eat soup again!)

Starrk (cannot remember the last name for the life of me), he never touches anything and all I have to do is clean the drool off his pillow every week. Which is still unpleasant as his mouth is a fountain, I swear.

Barragan… Dear Barragan. Diary, I don't not even want to talk about the messes he leaves. The same goes for Zommari who, despite the fact he has minimal things, still hits the rum a little too hard. Yammy. Don't make me scream. As for Aizen-sama. He needs to stop having so many tea parties.

This is not England! Granted, I have never been there. So, how can I judge?

And Ulquiorra. My favorite. He makes Grimmjow clean up after their fights and so I don't have to do it.  
I shall now write you an ode:

Ulquiorra, the most efficient hollow in the world,  
Never sits and lets things mold.  
And always does what he is told.

Ulquiorra, I really like the fact that you don't get old.  
So you are always in the know,  
About everything and everyone to be known.

(That last line really stank, didn't it?)

Ah, well. I quit.  
Good day,  
Rudbor

Damn! I just heard laughing! I gotta run and grab my cleaning supplies and scrapers. Brains are on the wall, I am sure of it. Damn %!%# & (What ever the Plural is!) Espada!

* * *

I think, it's 'Espada'. anyhow, I am going to read through the rest of this diary and see if there is anything else worth sharing.

Bye,

Telsa Lidocruz


End file.
